Should kollel wives be addressed as "rebbetzen" or 1st name?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:00 am

In casual conversation with them, or in mentioning them in convos with other people.

They're not shul rebbetzens in the traditional sense of the word rebbetzens. Many are my age or younger than me. Plus they work regular jobs - some in the school, some in the secular world.

Is a wife of a rabbi always a rebbetzen, or is this a specific title for rebbetzens who are involved in something?

amother

Lilac ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:02 am

Someone learning in kollel is not automatically a rabbi. A rebbetzin is either married to the shul/ community rav and takes part in the role, or it can be the title for a teacher/ speaker. Most random women even if their husband learns in kollel are not a rebbetzin and no one calls them that.

amother

Peru ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:03 am

As the wife of a Rabbi who learns in kollel part time and is a Rebbe part time, please don't call me Rebitzen LOL

We have had some bouchrim for meals who have called me Rebitzen which is weird, but I understood. Another woman calling me Rebitzen would be very weird.

amother

Snow

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:13 am

Kollel wife here and my husband does some rabbistuff in our community. No lady should call me rebbitzen. The Rav of our shul, when he's trying to reach my husband on our house phone says, ah, Rebbitzen x, I'm trying to call Rabbi x. Which is totally appropriate and shows his respect for the sacrifices I make so my DH can serve the community. Other than that, no, please don't call me rebbitzen, I don't deserve the title. I don't actively serve the community, I just experience the frequent absence of my husband for tzorchei tzibbur.

amother

↑ Peru

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:24 am

Ruchel wrote:

Rebetzin!! or rabbanit!! or madame!! never first name unless friend

In the US this is definitely not the norm.

amother

Crystal

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Why is Mrs. Lastname not an option?

Rebbetzin for a 26 or 30 year old whos husband is learning frim another women is inappropriate. If he happens to be the shul rav then I hear.

Men tend to call these women Rebbetzin. I think its half a joke.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:32 am

amother OP wrote:

This should not be titled "Kollel Wives" lol most men in kollel do not have smicha.
You're asking who should be called Rebbetzin? Usually someone whose husband is a Shul Rav/ Maggid Shiur/ Rosh Yeshiva etc...
A lot of times other men will call a woman Rebbetzin as a sign of respect and not saying the first name (instead of Mrs.)

little neshamala

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:35 am

Definitely dont call Rebbetzin just because the husband has smicha.
If the husband is a Rav of a shul, a mashgiach in the yeshiva, etc then yeah.
Otherwise no

amother

↑ Lilac

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:35 am

Ruchel wrote:

Rebetzin!! or rabbanit!! or madame!! never first name unless friend

Saying any of that would probably come across as mockery where I live. This is so country dependent, not flying in most of America. Don’t yell madame at anyone that’s usually passive aggressive here.

amother

Valerian ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:39 am

Mrs. Or the first name.
A rebbetzin is ONLY used for the wife of a rebbe/tzaddik/gadol. And no not rosh yeshiva or rov* either.

* unless the rov of a big city

↑ Ruchel ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:46 am

Weird. Everyone calls me madame, or mademoiselle though I don't know if THAT is flattery lol (when I am alone). I'd be upset if some person used my first name unless we really were on the same level. If my husband was a rav, or if she was much younger, I'd be like hu
(most of my friends' husbands call me madame or avoid using anything)
There's a diff vs who has smicha, and who gives lessons. I think we women who send husbands to learning deserve a title or a honor, so if it exists, let's take it. Same for men without smicha but very involved who get "chaver" among yekkes.
Yiddish words used to exist for women... those who led the women in prayer, and those very learned... verzogerin/zogerke...
I call the principal rabbanit or rebbetzin
The rosh kollel is kvod horav and I think some men use third person

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 9:04 am

amother OP wrote:

I meant someone with smicha.

Lots of men have smicha and they’re wives not called rebitzen. Those are for people who are a rav of a shul or something big etc.
Lol that you said Kollel. It’s usually not the Kollel people with Smicha. Kollel does not usually learn Halacha.

theoneandonly

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 10:13 am

When DH was in kollel, other men, bochurim, his rosh yeshiva, etc would refer to me as Rebbetzin LastName. Other women never did and it would be super awkward if they tried it.

amother

Electricblue

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 10:21 am

If she's a friend of yours, first name. If older than you and not a friend, Mrs. Lastname unless she has a doctorate, in which case Dr Lastname, or she asks you to call her by first name. Exactly like any other woman, whether her husband is the prime minister or the rat catcher, unless you happen to know that the community calls her Rebbetzin. None of my shul's first ladies was ever called Rebbetzin, but the first ladies of the shul down the block were all Rebbetzin. OTOH, my shul's rabbanim were all American while those of the other shul were all European. That may have had something to do with it.

We have a family friend whose husband is a rosh yeshiva. Now in her late 70s, she still refuses to be called Rebbetzin. Another family friend, similarly situated, has a PhD and is makpid to be called Dr. Lastname.