Those that are supposed to live simply, making fun of....

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:59 am

amother OP wrote:

Kids wearing clean clothes, doesn't equal wearing expensive brand name clothes & mocking those that don't!
Of course kids should be clean & wear clean clothes. But said clean clothes don't have to be expensive brand name clothing.

I agree, but that poster referenced not spending on kid's clothes because they will get it dirty. For me, there's no difference. If I would be the type to dress my bigger kids in expensive designer clothes, I probably would buy the same for my baby. I'm not, so I buy the same type of clothes all around....and keep them clean and put together.

dietcokeaddict

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:00 am

As I've heard from minds greater than mine, including Rav Elya Lopian and Rav Ephraim Wachsman, it's not about how much you have in your bank account or about how much you spend on your clothing. It's about what matters to you most, what excites you and gets your heart pumping.

So yes, there's nothing really wrong with a well-to-do kollel family dressing to the nines and dripping in diamonds, but there IS something wrong if this is their primary focus in life. Torah u'gedulah bmakom echad is only possible if Torah is still their #1.

It's all about where the heart lies.

amother

Stone

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:00 am

I'm sorry they're behaving this way. Unfortunately you'll find bullies in every possible circle. Are your girls ok speaking back. If so sometimes saying something simple is best. Like 'wow, that's rude of you'. And then just walking away.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:00 am

amother Nasturtium wrote:

Sounds like a lot of mind reading and assumptions here. Is this a kollel bashing thread or a legitimate complaint?

It's not mind reading or assumptions.
It's actual things that have been told to me by them.
My intention isn't to bash.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:00 am

amother Stone wrote:

I want to give my girls some comebacks to reply back with.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:01 am

Don't tar everyone with the same brush.
Your neighbors sound shallow and obnoxious and also seem to have low self esteem.
But that is not reflective of kollel people on the whole.
Definitely where we live, kollel people are living simply and it always amazes me on this site how everyone judges all kollel people by one specific group.

Complain about how your neighbors are difficult, complain about how they should be setting a better example but don't blame kollel.

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:01 am

amother OP wrote:

Sure. They pride themselves that their husbands are in kollel & think that it's assur to work in a non klei kodesh job.
They seriously think that a man that has a non klei kodesh job, is less frum.
Their attitude is very hurtful.
My husband is really mosar nefesh himself for Torah. But in their eyes, we're less frum.

You need to build up your own confidence first, in who you are, and in who your DH is. Then it can trickle down to your kids. Don't live your life by the neighbors. But keep in mind that not all Kollel people are like them (including those who dress to the nines. Some of them are really nice people.)

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:02 am

dietcokeaddict wrote:

Where's the love button? This 1000 times.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:03 am

Chayalle wrote:

Bh my kids & myself have a healthy self confidence & self esteem. We're happy the way we are. We live for ourselves. This doesn't mean that my kids should let themselves be mocked without standing up for themselves.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:05 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

I'm not blaming kollel.
But all of those neighbors that are mocking or think they're superior, happen to be kollel families.
It's just interesting that the kollel families on the block are the one's that are living an expensive lifestyle, and the working families are living a simple lifestyle. Yet they pride themselves in being better/more frum then us.

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:08 am

amother OP wrote:

They should not. If possible, learn to respond with humor.

One of my girls had a class bully who used to make fun of all the Kollel kids (yeah, it can go in both directions.) They were having a class Shabbos, and the girl announced that anyone who comes to our house for Shabbos will probably be sleeping on the kitchen table, because we live in such a small house.

Without blinking an eye, DD responded that that was exactly the plan. Our kitchen table will comfortably fit the four girls who were coming to us. How did she guess?

(reality is, we had a guest room and playroom off it with plenty of room for friends. For TC Camp Shabbos, I think DD hosted 14 girls down there....don't ask me how that worked out, but they all wanted to come and she didn't want to say no to anyone....)

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:22 am

Chayalle wrote:

The girls are bullies. That's all. Bad middos exist in all circles unfortunately.
(I'm not sure where you get that they are supposed to be living simply. That's none of your business, to be honest. There's no halacha that Kollel=simple.)
Teach your kids to own themselves and be happy with what they have. Turn a comment into a joke or matter of fact. Yeah, this is my favorite outfit and I want to wear it for a few years to come. I love getting bargain clothes at cheap prices. (FTR my very wealthy neighbor told me Target is her favorite store, and she wears clothes from there.) The key is to have confidence. I know people who have no money who kill themselves to dress above their means, and people who lack no money and dress simply. It's all about how you think of yourself, and your self-esteem.

Exactly.
For some reason people think that Hashem only gave the Torah to those that live simply and those that don't live simply are not allowed to sit and learn the Torah that they were given on Har Sinai.

Those girls have no middos and are horrible.
But STOP. JUDGING. KOLLEL. We are all people!!

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:24 am

amother OP wrote:

I understand. But to me, kollel lifestyle is supposed to be a simple lifestyle & not a lifestyle of being in to brand name expensive clothing. To me it just seems off that those that are supposed to live a simple lifestyle, are mocking those that do live a simple lifestyle.

Again. Many people are not living a "kollel lifestyle" which is not subject to YOUR determination.
We are living our life and are blessed and thankful that our husband's can learn in kollel.

amother

Puce

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:25 am

OP, there are Mean Girls in every segment of society. It has nothing to do with whether they come from a kollel family or billionaires. After all, rich people have no more of a right to be condescending and nasty than anyone else.

I would tell your kids to ignore the meanies and when they make comments, to roll their eyes and say, "Whatever." A good way to defuse this kind of bullying is not to give it much credence, at least not in front of the bullies.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:32 am

amother Puce wrote:

You're right. But somehow between our neighbors, it's the kollel families that have the superior attitude & are mocking/putting down others.
I like the idea of the kids responsible with "whatever".

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:38 am

joonabug wrote:

they are kids. sometimes kids are mean, irrelevant if their father is in kollel.

In this case I would bring it up with the parents or school.
It is relevant if father is in kollel. Parents are supposed to instill their values to their children.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:42 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

In this case I would bring it up with the parents or school.
It is relevant if father is in kollel. Parents are supposed to instill their values to their children.

It is the job of every frum mother to instill values into their kids.
Stop with the kollel.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:46 am

amother OP wrote:

You're right. But somehow between our neighbors, it's the kollel families that have the superior attitude & are mocking/putting down others.
I like the idea of the kids responsible with "whatever".

I find this to be a concern.
They are dressed in the best clothes because they probably get from kollel vouchers which they don't pay for.
I would totally address it telling their parents and the girls ask well.