S/O making more money

Ruchel

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:34 pm

I've had times like this. When he was in kollel or studying
My mom did, my was a sahd (retired).

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:58 pm

I always worked for a government agency and earned more than dh who mostly worked for small employers. When we were married about 10 or 11 years he went out on his own and has stayed there. He works like a dog but lacks the confidence to charge what he's worth and therefore doesn't make nearly enough to support a family on his own. I'm not certain that I could support a family entirely on my own, either, but we'd be in better shape if we had to rely only on my income than if we had to rely solely on his. Being a sahm was never an option, but then I never expected that it would be. All the women in my extended family work, most of us full-time.

Ruchel

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 1:21 pm

If he doesn't make enough money, and you pay a lot for childcare, maybe he could be sahd. When I worked and he was home anyway, like studying from home, I was so much safer knowing he was with the child(ren) plus if you use private daycare it's super expensive.

amother

Red

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 1:25 pm

amother DarkViolet wrote:

I make more per hour (more than double) but work part time so I bring in less than he does

That would be a no on the poll then.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 1:38 pm

I make a lot more than my husband. I’ve been at the same company for almost 10 years (and in my field for 15) and I’ve slowly moved up the ranks. My job also provides all our insurance, retirement savings. I’ve benefited from raises and promotions in the past few years BH.

I started working right after undergrad while my husband got a PhD. He was funded during his studies (small stipend) so it’s not like he took on loans, but he was a student for a looong time. The field he studied is very interesting to him and he’s very talented in it but it didn’t translate directly to a career that made sense for a frum Jew with kids. So after finishing grad school he pivoted to build a business in a related field.

Now he’s building the business but it’ll be awhile before he’s iyh successful. Income isn’t regular and it’s nowhere close to mine. (I don’t make a massive salary but it’s decent, though not enough for us to be comfortable on alone).

He takes on other paid work as much as possible. He also does a lot of volunteer work: hatzalah, board of our shul, deeply involved with eruv, etc. He has a few chavrusas.

We split house and family stuff pretty evenly. I like the fact that he makes his schedule to some degree and has more flexibility than me.

I also fear losing my job Chas v shalom and would love not to have to work. But that’s not realistic.

I could have pushed him into more of a clear cut career path but it wouldn’t have worked for his personality and talents.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 1:47 pm

My full time job pays more than his.
But I work much fewer hours than him so bring less home. I just don’t want to work myself to the bone.
My dh also manages a side business so it’s okay.

mom923

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 3:14 pm

Yes. But he’s in dental school and I’m a teacher

amother

DarkCyan

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 10:22 pm

im a slp and my husband has his own business that isnt making money now. I dont even make that much to begin with. no 401k, not enough to put away each month for savings, dont get paid over the summer months. Worst job ever

amother

Topaz

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 2:35 am

I have... my job pays very little for my education, experience, degrees. But it is stable and regular. My husband has a theoretically great career pathway but he is frequently out of work or under employed. So when he works he makes 2-3x what I make. But since he has been unemployed or underemployed so often, there are years I make a lot more.
His usually offer benefits. Mine don't.

If I would branch out and go work for myself, I could make what he should be making. But I can't lose my income to even try.