Sons classmate said he is being abused

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:48 pm

kenz wrote:

OMG and if the older brother was the first victim it makes a lot of sense he’s an addict now. Poor, poor family for being repeatedly victimized and you are in a position to help, please try!!

Kenz, I nearly cried when you wrote 'no wonder the older one is an addict'.

How do you know my story? Read my post above, the one where I said I was 'Dovid'. I became an addict. I'm crying because you validated me. It's understandable why I became addicted, I just wanted to feel good. But today, I'm no longer a victim.

I'm healthy today BH BH 1000 times over.

THANK YOU THANK YOU. Every time I see that people understand how an addict is 'born', it adds a layer of healing and removes a layer of pain.

May H-Shem repay you for your kindness.

Cookin4days

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:52 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

Kenz, I nearly cried when you wrote 'no wonder the older one is an addict'.

How do you know my story? Read my post above, the one where I said I was 'Dovid'. I became an addict. I'm crying because you validated me. It isn't my fault I became addicted, I just wanted to feel good.

I'm healthy today BH BH 1000 times over.

THANK YOU THANK YOU. Every time understands how an addict is 'born', it adds a layer of healing and removes a layer of pain.

May H-Shem repay you for your kindness.

A genuine hug 🤗

Op, please follow Amother Stones advice

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:59 pm

Cookin4days wrote:

A genuine hug 🤗

Op, please follow Amother Stones advice

I'm not the OP, but I'll take the hug.

OP, please follow Cookin4days's advice.

(Sorry Cookin4days for stealing your quote, but imitation is the highest form of flattery.)

Comptroller

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 9:48 pm

I don't think it's fair towards this boy if you don't tell your son that it is very probably true that this boy was abused.

Your son, based on your answer, decided it was not true and now thinks that this boy is a liar.

Very unfair to both of them.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 10:03 pm

I would love to have this boy over. He likes talking to me always have. Iv known him for several years even before he was classmates with my son.
When I went to their house to pick something up he insisted I come to his room because he wanted to show me his Lego.
Problem is my son would absolutely say no. Dovid is always following my son and friends around and my son hates it. Not only is Dovid younger than my son but he happens to be a bit immature while my son is mature and very independent.

I can't decide if I should speak to the Rosh yeshiva first or to the rav that was involved not sure the rav has anything to do with them anymore.
But I do know I need to help this boy.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 10:08 pm

Comptroller wrote:

I did tell my son that I did hear rumors that Dovid was abused.
My son thinks it is a lie because I think he just can't comprehend that a father would do such a thing.

CPenzias

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 10:47 pm

Poor Dovid.
The posters saying Dovid shouldn't tell people... why? If he doesn't speak up, no one will know and he won't get help.
I feel bad for the mom too 😞 she's stuck.
Op I'd call the rav who was involved and if he's not close to them anymore ask him what you should do. I'd call asap.

Rappel

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 12:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Again: that's not your son's call. That's your call.

Sit him down, explain the facts in an age-appropriate way, and explain your plan to help him. If your son wants to be his friend, then great. If he doesn't, then Dovid is still invited to YOUR home -- your son doesn't have to play with him. If Dovid chooses to come over just to be in a comfortable environment, then that's his choice.

abound

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 12:42 am

Rappel wrote:

Basically, hurt your child to help someone elses!? You dont harm your child or maje them feel unxomfortable in their own home in order to help someone.
You help the child up to the point where it hurts your own.
Your own children come first!

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 12:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Please don't befriend this boy.
I hated my mother for befriending people I hated, especially a teacher that terrorized me.
Later my mom apologized, but it was too late to regain my trust in her.
Your child's wellbeing comes first.

Rappel

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 12:59 am

abound wrote:

Where did I say to harm get own child?

She said he's younger than her son, and his "threat" is that he fights with him sometimes. Otherwise, they match as friends.

If she's willing to be very present for a few weeks of interactions, then she can train Dovid into their house rules, and the "threat" vanishes

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 2:13 am

amother OP wrote:

It makes it easier that your son is mature, he can understand if you tell him that you have a responsibility to help dovid and that might mean he comes to the house. You can make it clear that he won't have to have the responsibility of entertaining him.

Good luck OP. It sounds like you are definitely trying your best in a hard situation.

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 2:40 am

While this must be reported to someone who can help this child (CPS, school etc) when posters say "you are a mandated reporter" I dont believe this is true. We are not obligated to report to a specific agency in a specific manner (paperwork forms, phone calls) in a specific time frame after hearing suspected abuse unless it is heard in the course of your job and your job falls into certain categories (therapist, teacher etc). Ie legally not required.
However this MUST be reported on a moral and religious basis- we have a duty to protect innocent children.

Please get this kid help.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 3:00 am

Please tell the Rabbi who used to be involved and not anyone at the yeshiva if possible.

Rabbis usually have experience with lots of things. Rabbis running yeshivas usually don't and that can impact all their children negatively as well as the mother.

If the Rabbi is no longer involved he can refer you to a different idea. And this way you aren't spreading the information more in the community. There are people who already know. Try there first.

kenz

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 3:24 am

amother Apricot wrote:

Amein!
I’m so pleased my comment was helpful to you. It’s a no- brainer to me that a child growing up with abuse would seek unhealthy ways to feel better when nothing else worked.
IyH you should continue to feel better and have only brachah in your life!

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:48 am

OP, you are dealing with something so much bigger than the two of them not getting along. That isn't even relevant, I'm not sure why it keeps coming up.

Your son needs to be taught that such big disclosures are to be believed and shared with an adult.

Dovid needs to get serious intervention NOW.

Please deal with it.

amother

Clear

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 10:40 am

I'm the not trusting type. I wouldn't call the school , it's not their department they could do more harm then good. There rav. Of he knows them well might not believe the rumor. I would call my own rav. Let him speak to the boys rav or rav in the boys neighborhood. This had to be taken care of in a sensitive way.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:03 pm

kenz wrote:

Omen, thank you.