Sons classmate said he is being abused

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:04 am

My son came home and told me that this boy I’ll call him Dovid told my son that his father is abusing him.
My son asked me if it’s true. I know for a fact that several years ago that the father was not allowed in the house for that reason and I thought everything was fine now but I guess not.
I know the mother and several years ago she told me what happened and I know the rav that was involved.

So first what do I tell my son the truth?
My son does not like Dovid they are always fighting but Dovid is always clinging to my son.
So when my son asked if it was true I just told him that I heard rumors about it but don’t know anymore. Now my son is thinking Dovid is a good liar and makes things up. He also said he has an older brother who is a drug addicted that I don’t know as I only know Dovid and the mother never saw any other kids.

Do I call the rav who was involved to tell him what Dovid told my son or call the Rosh yeshiva. I’m sure if Dovid told my son he told other boys.
How should I proceed?

amother

Garnet

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:07 am

I’d definitely tell the school. Sounds like he needs someone to talk to about it. They should find him someone in school he should unburden to. He also needs to be told it’s not really a topic to share with peers.

amother

Nasturtium ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:21 am

In all honesty. If you know this was an issue in the past. And the kid came to your son, he is asking for help.
You are a mandated reported. Call it in.

amother

Stone

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:25 am

Your son asked you if this is true. Tell him you have no way of knowing if it's true, but what he said is very serious and you will make sure someone is helping if it is needed. Let him know that it's good he told you, and that these things always need to be shared with a trusted adult. Remind him that he should not repeat this to other friends.

Of course you should call the Rav who was involved before. This is not something to ignore.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:27 am

Help this family. So important not to stand by.
And maybe be honest with your son, and explain that is important to be extra sensitive to this boy bc he may be going through a lot, with the caveat that he’s not responsible for him but can be extra nice to him.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:54 pm

Should I speak to his mother and tell her what her son told my son?
She told me when her husband was arrested for child abuse when it happened several years ago.
This boy is an innocent boy always friendly to me when I see him but definitely troubled.
He is constantly fighting with my son.
I have told my son that he is doing it to because he wants to be friendly but does not know how to do it but boys being boys my son is not interested.
I really could see them getting along if he wouldn’t provoke my son.

Peersupport

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:02 pm

Obviously it needs to be reported.
The child needs help and deserves someone should advocate for him.

You can tell your child that we always believe someone who shares something so big.
If your son needs support to process, give him a safe space to talk about it as well.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:14 pm

I think right now your issue isn’t about the boys getting along but protecting this child at all costs. I would not call the mother but call your Rav, school, authorities tell someone!

amother

Celeste ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:50 pm

Side point, tell your son that something tells you he doesn't have an easy home life and he probably needs it the most to be nice to him. A little kindness from your ds and the boy might become a good and loyal friend instead of pestering and looking for attention. Its never to early to teach your kids the ways of doing chesed.

If you know the Rabbi who was involved before, go have a talk so he knows to check in with the family.

amother

Aconite

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:53 pm

OP please do something to help this poor kid, if you speak to their rav follow up make sure the kid is safe.
I grew up in an abusive home and I question every adult that was in my life and ignored the situation there is no way none of them knew!
Bh someone actually made sure I was removed by CPS took responsibility for me worked with cps to make sure I was in a safe home and I could never repay her for doing what she did for me

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:58 pm

amother Stone wrote:

THIS!

amother

Crocus

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is the father married to the mother and/or living in the boy's home now?

amother

↑ Nasturtium ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:14 pm

If you live in NY you have a legal and moral obligation to call ACS. The fact that you know it's happened before is enough. This boy is crying out for help. And his mother likely needs help too.
How can you sit there and do nothing? You can also be liable legally if you don't

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Is the father married to the mother and/or living in the boy's home now?

Yes they are married and the father is at home.
I asked my son exactly what he said his father did to him and my son told me that Dovid told him that his father hit him with his belt about 15 times because he didn't know the mishnayos and he got a black and blue mark on his leg.

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

How old is the boy?

You need to call the rav and follow up, if nothing is done soon you need to escalate. The mother may be being abused too. And other kids.

Rappel ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:19 pm

Dovid is brave. You need to alert people, without it all blowing back on him for "tattling."

I wish you could make your home into a safe address for this boy to play in the afternoons.

Your son doesn't have to be his friend. You can just host Dovid, and help him feel at home. And within a few weeks of supervised play, you can also teach him the ground rules for peer interactions in your home. After that, the boys should have clear sailing.

Last edited by Rappel on Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Apricot ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was 'Dovid'. Only this Dovid knows he's being abused. I thought it was because I was a bad kid. Even my granddad said so, so it must be true, Right?

Of course my dad's high blood pressure was my fault, it comes from stress, even the Doctor said I caused the stress so it was my fault. Right?

When he threw a book at me in a rage, and it missed but smashed a window and cut my brother's cheek necessitating stitches, that was also my fault. Even the ER doctor said so. Right?

Wrong wrong wrong. I know that now. Please get help for this innocent boy.

Hurt people hurt people. Don't ley it destroy the next generation.

kenz ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:37 pm

OMG and if the older brother was the first victim it makes a lot of sense he’s an addict now. Poor, poor family for being repeatedly victimized and you are in a position to help, please try!!