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-> Fashion and Beauty
amother
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 Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:38 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Nope. Not sure why some people are not answering the question and giving their negative opinions that aren't relevant to the question per say.
I asked him. Like I predicted. He said they were $200 each and doesn't want to spend that anymore when he can get a beautiful shabbos shirt for a fraction of the cost (and I agree!...unless you want to support it?)
What is happening, which you'll see later in the thread, is trying to be supportive of my husbands spiritual changes and be an encouraging wife even if something is difficult for me.
Naturally, if there was some sort of balanced transition that still felt "similar", it would make the transition easier and I can be more supportive (even though I already am, being proactive and intentioned is a great way to be an eizer k'negdo  ) |
Op, now you have me completely confused.
First you asked a question about a man wearing a colorful tie with chassidish levush but I had no idea why you were asking.
Then you told us you personally found the black and white and dark boring and you wanted to introduce a pop of color to your dh’s look, but he felt uncomfortable with it.
Maybe I’m reading wrong but your post I just quoted above makes it sound like your dh himself wants to make spiritual changes (your words, personally I’d connect other things to spirituality much sooner than the way someone dresses). You said that’s difficult for you but you’re trying to be supportive.
So which is it? You like color and are trying to get your dh to wear a tie even though he’d rather blend in with the rest of his crowd and isn’t enthusiastic about the idea? Or dh wants to make changes and you’re trying to be a supportive wife?
Regardless, I feel I have to tell you, if you’re not joking about the feather in the shtreimel (and I wonder if you’re just playing games with us?), whoever mentioned that feather to you was definitely joking. You might in certain places see a young man with a colorful feather in his hat. Putting one in a shtreimel would go beyond Purim’dik to completely ridiculous.
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amother
Catmint
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:43 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Haha. Good idea but not the same concept. I tried with socks but he's very particular about choosing his own. It helps a little but a tie to match the socks sounds like it would be nice (in my head obviously. It may not look good in reality if he feels off or socially weird).
I don't think anyone does it in his group of friends and so far his siblings said they would not walk near him if did that and he will look extremely weird (in a sibling teasing kind of way). |
You can have the lining inside the bekishe in any custom color of your choosing.
In many chassidish circles this would be considered more to the cool side of the spectrum but definitely more acceptable than a tie in the younger generation
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bestme
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:48 pm
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You can go with your husband to g&g or gloubers or any mens clothing store and you could get ideas there. Many ladies go with their husband shopping there.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:55 pm
| amother Bellflower wrote: | Op, now you have me completely confused.
First you asked a question about a man wearing a colorful tie with chassidish levush but I had no idea why you were asking.
Then you told us you personally found the black and white and dark boring and you wanted to introduce a pop of color to your dh’s look, but he felt uncomfortable with it.
Maybe I’m reading wrong but your post I just quoted above makes it sound like your dh himself wants to make spiritual changes (your words, personally I’d connect other things to spirituality much sooner than the way someone dresses). You said that’s difficult for you but you’re trying to be supportive.
So which is it? You like color and are trying to get your dh to wear a tie even though he’d rather blend in with the rest of his crowd and isn’t enthusiastic about the idea? Or dh wants to make changes and you’re trying to be a supportive wife?
Regardless, I feel I have to tell you, if you’re not joking about the feather in the shtreimel (and I wonder if you’re just playing games with us?), whoever mentioned that feather to you was definitely joking. You might in certain places see a young man with a colorful feather in his hat. Putting one in a shtreimel would go beyond Purim’dik to completely ridiculous. |
Ok. I'm not sure what's confusing. I never said it's boring. I said I wanted color.
The tie is important to me because of the color in a sense. DH always wore a tie on shabbos to match whatever Shabbos outfit I was wearing. Yes, we are cheesy. No we are not in the honeymoon year.
I just like matching. It's a blend of aesthetics, connection, and an OCD tendency that I allow myself to have because it comes out in numbers and obsessions if I don't have an outlet that feels "even" and "aligned". Matching colors works for me. It makes me happy just like someone might match their childrens outfits (there was a post on this a while back if you can't understand that).
I don't love the idea of clashing colors with my outfit and his tie so that's how this started years ago to be that he chooses his tie based on my outfit and it became a "thing" we do.
It may be weird but nevertheless, it is still one of "our" things that we do that are subtle and is a little connecting thing.
I'm from a yeshivish background. DH is from a chassidish one. He was not chassidish per say when we got married. Over the past couple of years or so he's been going back to that. Sure it started elsewhere, in the sefarim he learns, in the shul he goes to, in the circle of friends and reconnecting with his old classmates and yeshiva mates, the minhagim etc
Levush is next naturally. I was fine with it and encouraged etc. And then we had a discussion about a wedding and matching ties and it clicked that there will be no more tie....all the men on my side of the family wear a tie, short suit, and bend down so he will naturally stick out with them there. That's fine. Supporting him nonetheless. Will stand by him with pride. Trumping out the shtreimel to my siblings as regal and with confidence. I truly feel it and am ecstatic that it helps him feel more like himself and bakovadig for shabbos in it.
Yet I would still like to have that component of "us" that was in the "tie" if we can make it work.
If any of you know me in real life, I have certainly outted myself but I guess it is what it is.
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:58 pm
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Need to follow the community. If no one else is doing it, (whatever it is) then its totally off. If there are a few, then could probably go with that.
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Genius
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:10 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Ok. I'm not sure what's confusing. I never said it's boring. I said I wanted color.
The tie is important to me because of the color in a sense. DH always wore a tie on shabbos to match whatever Shabbos outfit I was wearing. Yes, we are cheesy. No we are not in the honeymoon year.
I just like matching. It's a blend of aesthetics, connection, and an OCD tendency that I allow myself to have because it comes out in numbers and obsessions if I don't have an outlet that feels "even" and "aligned". Matching colors works for me. It makes me happy just like someone might match their childrens outfits (there was a post on this a while back if you can't understand that).
I don't love the idea of clashing colors with my outfit and his tie so that's how this started years ago to be that he chooses his tie based on my outfit and it became a "thing" we do.
It may be weird but nevertheless, it is still one of "our" things that we do that are subtle and is a little connecting thing.
I'm from a yeshivish background. DH is from a chassidish one. He was not chassidish per say when we got married. Over the past couple of years or so he's been going back to that. Sure it started elsewhere, in the sefarim he learns, in the shul he goes to, in the circle of friends and reconnecting with his old classmates and yeshiva mates, the minhagim etc
Levush is next naturally. I was fine with it and encouraged etc. And then we had a discussion about a wedding and matching ties and it clicked that there will be no more tie....all the men on my side of the family wear a tie, short suit, and bend down so he will naturally stick out with them there. That's fine. Supporting him nonetheless. Will stand by him with pride. Trumping out the shtreimel to my siblings as regal and with confidence. I truly feel it and am ecstatic that it helps him feel more like himself and bakovadig for shabbos in it.
Yet I would still like to have that component of "us" that was in the "tie" if we can make it work.
If any of you know me in real life, I have certainly outted myself but I guess it is what it is. |
If everyone at the wedding wears a suit, tie, and hat, I’d have him wear that too. Most people at a chassidish wedding wear hats too. Maybe explore this angle. I don’t think there’s an inyan to davka wear a shtreimel to a wedding. He can keep it for Shabbos.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:21 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Ok. I'm not sure what's confusing. I never said it's boring. I said I wanted color.
The tie is important to me because of the color in a sense. DH always wore a tie on shabbos to match whatever Shabbos outfit I was wearing. Yes, we are cheesy. No we are not in the honeymoon year.
I just like matching. It's a blend of aesthetics, connection, and an OCD tendency that I allow myself to have because it comes out in numbers and obsessions if I don't have an outlet that feels "even" and "aligned". Matching colors works for me. It makes me happy just like someone might match their childrens outfits (there was a post on this a while back if you can't understand that).
I don't love the idea of clashing colors with my outfit and his tie so that's how this started years ago to be that he chooses his tie based on my outfit and it became a "thing" we do.
It may be weird but nevertheless, it is still one of "our" things that we do that are subtle and is a little connecting thing.
I'm from a yeshivish background. DH is from a chassidish one. He was not chassidish per say when we got married. Over the past couple of years or so he's been going back to that. Sure it started elsewhere, in the sefarim he learns, in the shul he goes to, in the circle of friends and reconnecting with his old classmates and yeshiva mates, the minhagim etc
Levush is next naturally. I was fine with it and encouraged etc. And then we had a discussion about a wedding and matching ties and it clicked that there will be no more tie....all the men on my side of the family wear a tie, short suit, and bend down so he will naturally stick out with them there. That's fine. Supporting him nonetheless. Will stand by him with pride. Trumping out the shtreimel to my siblings as regal and with confidence. I truly feel it and am ecstatic that it helps him feel more like himself and bakovadig for shabbos in it.
Yet I would still like to have that component of "us" that was in the "tie" if we can make it work.
If any of you know me in real life, I have certainly outted myself but I guess it is what it is. |
Thanks for explaining op and I’m sorry if you feel like I made you tell us too much. I totally get your matching his tie to your outfit thing. I’d miss that too but looks like it’s over. Your supporting your dh even though it’s a change for you gets you imamother’s wife of the year award. It’s not easy. So many women who aren’t like you come here to gripe and kvetch instead of accepting their dh’s choices with a smile like you’re doing.
Back to your color dilemmas I don’t go for the look of the bright socks with your dh’s dark clothes. You don’t want him to look clownish. Maybe a nice, classy pair of cufflinks. I’m unsure about the idea of the colored lining on the bekeshe. I don’t examine guys’ clothes and haven’t noticed that. Maybe look into it at g&g or wherever dh shops and see if the two of you like it.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:31 pm
| Genius wrote: | | If everyone at the wedding wears a suit, tie, and hat, I’d have him wear that too. Most people at a chassidish wedding wear hats too. Maybe explore this angle. I don’t think there’s an inyan to davka wear a shtreimel to a wedding. He can keep it for Shabbos. |
Relatives do not wear hats at weddings, they wear shtreimels.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:35 pm
| amother Sand wrote: | | Relatives do not wear hats at weddings, they wear shtreimels. |
Same with Lubavitch and kapotehs.
You wear a kapoteh to a wedding if the wedding is:
Your child
Grandchild
Sibling/wifes sibling
Niece
Nephew
And obviously your wedding
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Genius
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:46 pm
| amother Sand wrote: | | Relatives do not wear hats at weddings, they wear shtreimels. |
Unless none of the relatives are chassidish which seems to be the case. I think wearing a hat to a non shtreimel wedding is a lesser crime than wearing a suit and tie with a shtreimel. No?
Or is this a chasunah from his side where all the family members wear a shtreimel?
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amother
SandyBrown
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:50 pm
| amother Sand wrote: | | Relatives do not wear hats at weddings, they wear shtreimels. |
Many will only wear if chosson wears streimel. So streimel-wearer will wear his best hat and suit to non-streimel-wearing-relative’s wedding.
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:50 pm
| Genius wrote: | Unless none of the relatives are chassidish which seems to be the case. I think wearing a hat to a non shtreimel wedding is a lesser crime than wearing a suit and tie with a shtreimel. No?
Or is this a chasunah from his side where all the family members wear a shtreimel? |
OP didn't say suit, she wants the tie and bekeshe.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing tie to this wedding with his bekeshe and shtreimel as long as he's comfortable with it. But in the streets stam on a regular Shabbos? Na.
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Genius
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:56 pm
| amother Sand wrote: | OP didn't say suit, she wants the tie and bekeshe.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing tie to this wedding with his bekeshe and shtreimel as long as he's comfortable with it. But in the streets stam on a regular Shabbos? Na. |
| amother OP wrote: | How socially of is to wear a tie with a Bekeshe and Shtreimel?
How can one wear a tie and chassidish livush and not look socially off. A short suit, tie, and shtreimel? |
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:59 pm
OP, I don't want to give encouragement to this look if your DH is not comfortable with it, but the truth is, that if someone is wearing a tie and ads a bekishe to his levush, I don't think it looks strange at all to keep the tie. I have several relatives who did this. I live in a more insular chassidish community now, so I don't see it at all, but I've seen it plenty growing up.
I think its so sweet that you make an effort to match lekoved Shabbos. I'd also be loath to give it up. That said, if DH feels uncomfortable, its probably commendable to let him make the decision.
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amother
Mustard
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 9:20 pm
In typical chasidush (besides those "litvisha" chadidus") a tie with beketcha and streimal would be considered different.
If you and husband on same page and he wants to wear a tie (not that you want him to ) then go flaunt it! Hold your heads up high and enjoy. Just watch out as your kids grow up they may get bullied or feel uncomfortable themselves.
At chasidush weddings yes family come in bigday shabbos. These days many many friends come in bigday shabbos too (streimal and beketcha) however at family simchas where chasidush levush is not worn a joint decision needs to be made. Where all feel comfortable with the chosen levush.
...we have gone to simchas where our men folk wore weekday clothes (uphat / langa rekal) still standing out but less . And other simchas where even though majority family was not in chasidush levush every one wore bigday shabbos
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amother
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 9:44 pm
| Genius wrote: | | If everyone at the wedding wears a suit, tie, and hat, I’d have him wear that too. Most people at a chassidish wedding wear hats too. Maybe explore this angle. I don’t think there’s an inyan to davka wear a shtreimel to a wedding. He can keep it for Shabbos. |
Thanks, it's not about the wedding, but about what it brought up.
I was super on board with him changing levush if that speaks to him...until it came down to an actual tie conversation and the side "effects" of what that means clicked in.
We will do whatever the chosson and kallah want for weddings, but that made me think about shabbos more and his whole collection of ties that he's amassed over time to be matching specific outfits that I have and how they're just basically useless now.
Little thoughtful "gifts" that he got that I thought were timeless but are now...not? Like a gift take backsies of sorts.
I know I need to grieve that and find other "things" but really not ready for that and would rather styles change to allow for the tie. I'm sure eventually I'll be more ok without the tie, but for now it's just sad and personal and more than just a tie to me.
He knows that and he'd wear it because he'd prefer the shtreimel and is being understanding of that transition for me, but if it's super socially off and it would be more difficult for him in a really overwhelming way, I'm trying to see what options are there.
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InnerMe
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 9:58 pm
Op you sound so attuned to your own needs and dhs. It’s beautiful. It totally makes sense this aspect should be hard for you and I think it’s actually really lovely that you are trying to hold onto that. It’s not petty.
Regarding tie plus shtreimel bekitch it’s definitely different though as some posters mentioned it does exist. . Maybe a compromise can be that he should do that at Simchas from your side because to them the shtreimel bekitcha is anyways foreign and to ones on his side where there are shtreimel she should do sans tie?
Or I like genius’s idea of doing hat suit tie for those where there aren’t shtreimels and the chassidish stuff for the shtreimel weddings.
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amother
Snow
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:16 am
The beketche tie combo does not exist in bobov and would be looked on as super weird, not only in bobov but for chassidish levush in general. There exist very few chassidim that wear this combo. I've seen beketche, hat, tie combo; but definitely not with a shtreimel. The idea is cute in theory but it would make your husband look like a clown, no offense. Here are things that are more accepted.
Colored socks
Colored cufflinks
The inside of the shirt collar being a different color
The lining of the beketche, but this is seen as more cool than the previous 3.
He can technically wear the tie only at home if it makes you happy b
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:19 am
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The Stolin shul is being renovated, and their temporary headquarters are across from my house. I've noticed quite a few men on Shabbos with shtreimel, bekishe and gasp ties.
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