Bekeshe, Shtreimel, and a Tie. Is it ok?

amother

Azure ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:22 am

In a Twerski and some of my uncles and relatives wear ties with their bekeshas ans streimels.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:31 am

My great-uncle wears a tie with a spodik to simchas. Definitely not trying to be cool or anything. He went to a Litvish Yeshiva as a boy and he’s really Chassidish so that’s where it comes from. But no real pops of color.

amother

Aster

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:14 am

My husband who is Stolin wears a tie and up hat. (only on Shabbos) But it's dark gray. My father who is yeshivish will wear bright blue, light colored ties. He won't do that.
Funny story, when I met him he did not wear a tie. He put it on when we got married. By our wedding I totally did not notice that he was wearing one since his beard is pretty long and it blended right in- he wore a black tie to our wedding LOL

who does that??

amother

Camellia

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:44 am

I think op's dh starting to wear more chassidish garb is very different to him having always worn it and her wanting to change it up. I also think in that case, it isn't as big a deal for him to keep wearing the tie really. People won't have the same expectations compared to someone who always wore the garb and is now changing it.
I would have him wear the tie at home, when he comes back from shul, so you can still have the feeling of matching him with the tie, but him not wearing it out the home if it isn't socially accepted. And I would look at building his collection of cufflinks. It can be more exciting knowing he's matching his cufflinks but only you would know as it isn't as visible, and the same for the socks.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Ok. I'm not sure why this is called for. I'm asking a genuine question. No need to tell me I'm harassing my husband.

I can just as easily say no to the shtreimel. DH has been wearing a short suit and tie (NO hat or shtreimel) ever since we got married (years ago). I am from a yeshivish background and we got married under no pretenses of being chassidish in levush.

He only decided recently that he wants to wear a bekeshe and shtreimel and be more chassidish. Maybe you could be a little kinder.

A pop of color is fine I assure you.

This is the internet. You don't know me (although maybe now I outed myself because it's a pretty unique situation), it would be nice if you/people can be a little gentler.

Normally I'd ignore these kinds of comments but the fact that you got a few likes seemed like a nice opportunity to share a little bit of perspective so maybe you can be kinder on the next post.

You have no idea what's behind peoples post and it's so interesting to see the posts about Israel and the hostages and people desperate for these people to be freed....but can't seem to be kind to people in their day to day.

I know I came here and set myself up for this, I'm ok with that. I'm sharing perspective for the next persons post that maybe feels "off" to you. You really want to make a difference for the Jewish people? Feel free to do some mitzvos and practice a bit more compassion bein adam l'chaveiro. Idk. Maybe the zchusim will help elsewhere.

I grew up litvish with a father who briefly joined a certain chassidish kehilla and learned there and started wearing a bekishe Friday night. Then he stopped after he changed to a different kollel. I don't know what your dh is like, but if he goes through phases of things like my father, this might be a phase for him. With people like that, any "interference" is probably going to give them something to fight for and they'll hold onto it longer. Let them do their thing, and if it's just a phase, it will slowly get too tedious for them, or they'll get bored and move on to the next thing. And if it's not a phase, you lost nothing by allowing him his freedom, and after a year or so, gently ask if he minds wearing a tie in the house because you like the look and it would make you happy.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 10:39 pm

amother Azure wrote:

In a Twerski and some of my uncles and relatives wear ties with their bekeshas ans streimels.

Me too. But they're really the only ones.

amother

↑ Sand

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 10:48 pm

amother Aster wrote:

who does that??

Many people wear black ties to their weddings. Chabad chassanim all water black ties.

amother

↑ Steelblue

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 11:00 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Many people wear black ties to their weddings. Chabad chassanim all water black ties.

Not all. My husband didn’t neither did my BILs.

amother

Brown

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 11:12 pm

Used to more popular and acceptable
Today the guys that wear ties when they wear their suits to a simcha do not wear ties when they are wearing their streimel and bekeshe
Only a select few families
Even in stolin it’s very uncommon to wear streimel bekeshe and tie
And never streimel with a suit! Never gave I seen streimel without a bekeshe

amother

↑ Azure

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 12:09 am

amother Cerise wrote:

Me too. But they're really the only ones.

True, and the younger generation is wearing ties less and less.