Loan for bar Mitzva

amother

Nemesia ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 3:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I started adding it up and definitely more than 10,000:

Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats, suit , shirts pants
Davening jacket and weekday and shabbos shoes
Tie cufflinks
Caterer
Waiters
Mashgiach
Hall
Musician
Photographer
Invitations
Benchers
Dessert table for neighbors and cousins not invited to the dinner
Make up for me and high school girls
Hair styling for all my girls
Manicures
Dress for me
Dresses for my girls
Sheital for me
Suit and hat for my husband
Suits for little boys
New sheital me
Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for maftir and haftora $50 a lesson for 10 lessons
Party for the class in school
Ladies kiddush
(Flowers and tablecloths from gmach)
Shabbos meals in house for 20 people

What am I forgetting?

I'm iyh making a bar mitzvah in a few weeks.
Mine is going to cost in the 20K range. Probably a little bit more but there's definitely lots of places to cut if I need.

1. You don't need to get a new shaitel especially if your other ones are good. I saved up and had the money for it but bh I actually won one in a raffle so I don't need to buy one. (Was planning on buying one last year but held off so it's new)

2. Why mashgiach?

3. Does your husband have a decent hat and suit? Does he really need a new one? My husband bought a hat as his old hat got lost and it was bought when I got married 15 years ago.

4. Why do you need a class party plus a hall party plus a shabbos?

5. I am using clothing I am buying for the summer that they will continue to wear throughout the summer but first time new at bar mitzvah. 11 year old daughter may get a fancier dress he can also wear to her bas mitzvah in 6 months.

6. Invitations- does everyone have email or Whatsapp that you can make one and not print it? Originally that was my plan but I have some ppl that do r have so I am printing for them and ds class.

ETA: I'm not in Lakewood and making a FULL for over 100 ppl. Catering lots myself though.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 16 2024, 3:08 pm

We made for 12k and it was above the standard that some of my friends made. Definitely no need for new sheitel. If you need one anyway go for it but don’t blame it on the bar mitzvah. $20,000 if quite high end fir Lakewood. 7k to 12k is probably the usual range including tefillin.

We hosted 25 people for shabbos and home cooked the food; really not a big deal. Tables and chairs from cheap party rental.

amother

Dustypink

Thu, May 16 2024, 3:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

I hope this is a joke.
Dont get a new wig. There's 3k right there.
Maybe skip a ladies kiddush if you're also inviting ppl to dessert & having a bo bayom. That saves another couple thousand.
Unless you are doing paper benches, skip that.

Your little boys didn't get suits for yt?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Hall:
You can use Simcha Caterers at Williams St. Shul for a fraction of the price of any other hall. Catch: the portion sizes are smaller.
Tefillin bag - we shopped around and ended up getting at the Chosson Center
Hats: we got one "good" hat and one cheaper hat from Kova
Music: Bassline Jr. - you get a boy around age 12, but they are very good
Photography: we shopped around and found someone just starting out
Sweet table: we didn't have one
Hair: my sil did it for free, but - my girls are little, so this might not work for you
Kids clothes: my boys didn't necessarily get new suits if they were still in good condition - and those who got new, it meant that they didn't need a new suit for the upcoming Yom Tov, so that's really part of Yom Tov expenses and not the bar mitzva
Sheitel - I just washed my regular Shabbos sheitel
Ladies kiddush - it wasn't really much different than the men's kiddush, but we did splurge on two nice cakes
Seuda - we hosted at our house. We also got some of the food from a gemach, so if you aren't that desperate, it will add to your expenses.

Thank you!! Very helpful

amother

Impatiens ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:20 pm

amother Hawthorn wrote:

There was just a thread about how plenty of people made bar mitzvah for 10k. Please don't go into debt to go overboard.

That wasn’t my takeaway from that thread, I got that you can only spend less if you’re willing to do the absoloute bare minimum so your son has to be ok with being outside the social norm in Lakewood, self cater everything which isn’t feasible time wise for everyone or allowed in many halls or some people just had numbers that didn’t seem realistic and I think they may have been estimating rather than knowing how much they really spent.
And almost no one included tefilin. Tefilin plus clothing for the bar mitzvah boy alone is minimum $3k. That’s a huge number that’s not really avoidable before you even start with the simplest of events.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:27 pm

Starting to plan my son's Bar Mitzva.
Just Tefillin are $6000 for Rosh & Yad Surprised

.
We are Chabad -not sure this makes a diff.

Other then that agree a sheitle, musician, weekday & shabbos, manicures, new clothes for everyone does sound over board.

But whats cheapest u can cater full meal for 80-100 ppl? Plus basics for boy -hat, jackets etc.? Photographer is also important to me. Bit I'd go with a beginner.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:31 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Starting to plan my son's Bar Mitzva.
Just Tefillin are $6000 for Rosh & Yad Surprised

6000 for tefillin? I was told 1500-2,000

watergirl

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:33 pm

We made a bar mitzvah with in the last 2 years. Grandparents split the tfillin (which cost $1000 from Israel). All together after the tfillin the entire thing cost about $6000.

Our list:

Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats,
2 shirts,
1 pants
Davening jacket
shabbos shoes

Hall/food was one package.
Musician (one man band)
Photographer

Benchers

Dress for me
Dresses for my girls

Bekeshe and hat for my husband

Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for leining and haftora $25
a lesson for no idea how many lessons.

Shabbos dinner and lunch at my house for out of town immediate family and our closest friends. Dinner was about 20 people, lunch was about 35 people. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, friends helped me serve.

Paper goods and food for shabbos meals x2

DONUTS for the class in school

I did my own makeup and hair. Girls did their own hair and makeup. No manicures.

No decorations, no centerpieces. No extras. It was beautiful because a simcha is beautiful.

I just realized this was in the Lakewood forum, so I should head that I do not live in Lakewood and my simcha was not in Lakewood! But I’m keeping my post just because the things OP listed just don’t need to happen. New sheitel?

Last edited by watergirl on Thu, May 16 2024, 7:40 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Honeydew ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

6000 for tefillin? I was told 1500-2,000

Yeah, $6k is not normal. My son's bar mitzvah was 11 months ago and his tefillin cost around $2k.
OP, I think you got your answers, you can definitely do this for less than 15k if you cut out a lot of the luxuries. In my experience, Shabbos was the most costly expense, around $7k. If you only do a week night event, you can definitely save. I'm not in Lakewood, but our Bar Mitzvah cost about $13k altogether.
Also, if you have more boys after this one, remember that what you do for the first sets a precedence for the others. It's much harder to tell your younger kids they can't have what the older brother had.
Mazel tov and Hatzlacha!

amother

Violet

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

We made a bar mitzvah within the last three years. Grandparents split the tfillin (which cost $800). All together after the tfillin the entire thing cost about $6000.

Our list:

Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats,
2 shirts,
1 pants
Davening jacket
shabbos shoes

Hall/food was one package.
Musician (one man band)
Photographer

Benchers

Dress for me
Dresses for my girls

Bekeshe and hat for my husband

Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for leining and haftora $25
a lesson for no idea how many lessons.

DONUTS for the class in school

I did my own makeup and hair. Girls did their own hair and makeup. No manicures.

No decorations, no centerpieces. No extras. It was beautiful because a simcha is beautiful.

How did the tefillin only cost $800?

amother

Magnolia ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 8:48 pm

I think that the original list posted would actually cost $30k and a standard bar mitzva can easily cost 18-20k without any extras.
I’m not sure why people are posting such low amounts for shopping, but if he’s transitioning to a standard white shirt/dress pants/dress shoes wardrobe then that can easily hit 1,500 and that’s not even brand name. 4 pairs of pants, 6 shirts, 2 hats, 2 pairs of shoes, suit, coat (boys switch out of puffers at this age too) and good set of tefillin and a bag are easily 3K. A regular catered small meal (75-100 pple) is at cheapest 6k, and those halls get booked so in advance that not so easy to get. add in cheap music and pictures, kiddush even simple is 1,000 and that’s already 13k without any “extras” that most people include such as leining lessons, dessert table, centerpieces, bentchers, family shopping, invitations and in Lakewood most schools don’t let the classmates come so you need to do something for the class (not of your choosing, a preset lunch that must be catered, don’t know cost).
If you’ve made an out of the box simcha for less kol hakavod but please don’t attack us for overspending when this is the new reality and cost of bar mitzva. It’s difficult enough to pull off without having to defend every dollar. I thought I could do for less and even being extremely careful it was not cheap.

amother

↑ Honeydew ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 8:57 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

First off, a catered meal for 100 people is not a SMALL meal. You can invite just close family + class to the meal and then invite others for dessert or just to a shul Kiddush.
Also, why are you including the boy's new weekday wardrobe as a Bar Mitzvah expense?
And no one is begrudging you to make the Simcha of your choice. It's only because OP literally does not have the money for it, that we are telling her where to cut.

↑ small bean ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:01 pm

I just made a bar mitzvah 80 ppl for dinner and 60 for shabbos

The dinner I did in stolen shul (my other son, I didWestgate, jist didnt book early enligh this time)$350, for the hall. Mt son ignited he wanted me to contract cater because he wanted chicken from Mike's and kugel from Menachem, and Rita's for desert. It ended up being a bit more than using Greens catering, which I did for my last son. It was about 2.5k for all food. Waiters are $30 an hour, and ended up costing me $450.

There are ranges in clothing and buy what you can afford, you dont have to go high end, you're son will grow now so it doesn't need to last forever.

Shabbos, I cooked myself and had leftover kugel from.sunday which I froze and warmed up. I did my regular shabbos plus paper goods. Cost around $500 including shabbos party etc.

KIDDUSH was just men and my husband took care of, so was just men.

It was such a fun bar mitzvah and very little stress. My son said nothing can be perfect but it was close.

amother

Feverfew ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:05 pm

small bean wrote:

I’m in Lakewood and curious how that works with catering yourself? Can you explain how you did that?