Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Bris kibbudim



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother  


 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 9:24 pm
I'm asking this in advance not knowing what gender we are having ec. I'm sure I wont have time after I give birth to go online. We are having twins so have good chance of having boy. We IY"H want to name him after my grandfather. My husband says taht the kibudim go to the father's side, but think it would be appropriate for my father to be sandek bec. it's after his father. What is generally done?

Also, we Bh have a large family and community as well and want to max out the kibudim. How many can we create? I don't want ppl to be offended...!
Back to top

red sea




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 9:41 pm
I guess you really got to know both grandfathers to be to know how it would go. Of course it would be very meaningful for the sandek to be your father if you are using his fathers name. But then again if you got one really easy going one and one really not easy going one it may be better not to do that iykwim. You could give s/t else to your father too like the one who holds the baby after the bris while the name is read. It really would be a shame to stress over it if its 2 girls.
Back to top

  amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 9:46 pm
amother wrote:
I'm asking this in advance not knowing what gender we are having ec. I'm sure I wont have time after I give birth to go online. We are having twins so have good chance of having boy. We IY"H want to name him after my grandfather. My husband says taht the kibudim go to the father's side, but think it would be appropriate for my father to be sandek bec. it's after his father. What is generally done?

Also, we Bh have a large family and community as well and want to max out the kibudim. How many can we create? I don't want ppl to be offended...!


I didn't know there were any specific rules for sandek that the father's side gets preference. My father was actually a bit upset when my brother made a bris that my sil's father was sandek(but he was upset about more than that; bro has really taken sil's family as his own).

When we made a bris, neither grandfather was present, so we gave sandek to my Uncle. If we make another bris and both grandfathers are there, I would tend to favor my father in law since dh is an only child and I can't be sure he'll get another opportunity. My father is much more likely to have other opportunities (though he has 3 grandsons already and hasn't been sandak yet).
Back to top

Marion




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 10:00 pm
For DS#1 my great uncle was sandek, even though FIL was there (my father was not). My ILs were kvatter. For DS#2 I think we asked my FIL, but I honestly don't remember!
Back to top

rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:32 pm
without knowing the dynamics or relationships in your fam, I can't really make a suggestion.
I think it's more a minhag thing, and what works for your fam. with us, my ds was the first grandchild and great grand child in my fam but ka'h one of many in my dh's fam. so his father and grandfather had already been sandek so we knew although they would prob have loved the kibud, they've done it b4 and iy'h will be able to do it again in the future. we chose my fathers father to be sandek, which e/one understood and appreciated how special it was, he is ka'h quite old and been through alot, not very well and it's a miracle that he got to experience this, and ka'h see more great grand children afterwards as well.
but at the same time we did try to honour as many ppl as we could, one person held the baby while he was being named, another anounced the name, one did birchas cohanim, and a few passed the baby from kvatter to the sandek Smile
there are ways of making people involved and happy, without honouring them with being the sandek. and iy'h you'll have other oppurtunities int he future.
Back to top

mom2bsn




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 12:13 am
when we made our bris my husband asked his rav and he told him that the girls father is usually sandek for the first boy.
Back to top

rb




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 6:53 am
The usual minhag is that the mothers father gets Sandek. However, nothing is worth causing fights and sholom bayis issues, so I suggest you ask a Rav what to do. If your baby is going to be named after your fathers father, he might rather do the "krias hashaim" anyway.
Back to top

ChavieK




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 7:06 am
I second what rb said.
Back to top

gamekeeper  




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 7:21 am
I thought that its always the fathers side first and then the mothers...
Back to top

Ruchel  




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 7:29 am
And then you have those who have a big problem, like us... dh's father is deceased, and my father is MUCH MUCH MUCH too emotional about anything "new addition to the family/new yid after the shoa" to be a sandak (he said it himself, he's "not even sure he'll be able to attend the bris" shock), and we wonder what we will do when we have a son...

I wish we fought over who starts. Oh, and my husband's grandfather's are dead too, mine well, one is dead, other is too old to travel. Mad Mad Mad
Back to top

  gamekeeper




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 7:48 am
I suppose every one has their own issues to deal with in life... op is asking for advise from people that can relate to her problem and advise her as to whats acceptable
Back to top

  Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 7:59 am
Everything is acceptable as long as there's shalom bayis and a sandak. Even the father or the rav can do it.
Back to top

manhattanmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 9:17 am
I never heard about their being halachic guidelines about who gets which kibbud at a bris.
I never head of any of these minhagim either--like the mother's father gets sandek first, etc.
Maybe you'll have 2 boys and therefore need 2 sandeks!

At my son's bris, my FIL was the sandek and my father did something else--I think maybe put him on and off the kisay eliyahu. But that was because we had the bris in my parents' shul. If we had made the bris in yeshiva here we would have asked the Rosh Yeshiva to be sandek.


Last edited by manhattanmom on Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

supermom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 9:57 am
We gave the honor to my fil since my father wasn't alive then. But if I had a choice I would have had our rabbi, and my fil wouldn't have minded one bit. He is the type of person that feels that a rav or rabbi shoudl have first honors. My fil and mil was the kvatter too because no one wanted to do it. Confused So in that case my fil had most of the honors so to speak.

But if I would have a choice for my next boy I would do with my feelings more then who really should be the sandek. They say whomever has the honor of being sandek that is who the child gets his middot from. So I would pick someone who I respect and look up to.

My fil has amazing midot and I look up to him so I am not worried. Very Happy
Back to top

Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 10:12 am
Wow, my memory is bad. At first I thought my fil was the sandek and my father held the baby for the naming, and then I remembered that our rav (big time rav, sil of the seret vizhnitzer rebbe, with chassidim of his own) was the sandak. So it probably was my fil who held him during the naming. But I'm sure my father got a kibud as well...
Back to top

spinkles




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 4:11 pm
In our community the sandek is often a talmid chacham rather than a grandfather. This avoids a lot of potential family conflicts and is supposed to be good for the baby too.

With kibudim, just ask the mohel for suggestions on different "creative" ones. We had lots at our bris, to keep everyone happy!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Bris opened up
by amother
1 Sun, Nov 17 2024, 10:25 am View last post
Not informed about bris
by amother
29 Sat, Sep 14 2024, 10:15 pm View last post
Outfit for my toddler for new baby bris
by amother
24 Fri, Aug 23 2024, 1:38 pm View last post
Song sang to a son night of bris
by amother
4 Sun, Aug 18 2024, 5:37 am View last post
Babys bris 7 Sun, Aug 11 2024, 5:16 pm View last post
by zoom