Struggling to leave the house with my baby

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:14 pm

I’m really struggling with leaving the house, and running errands after I had a baby. My baby is 3 months and it’s such a struggle every time. I get overwhelmed and flustered when he starts crying in the car. How can I nurse him out if the house? If I’m shopping how can I just drop everything and feed him?
It’s come to a point that I get anxious anytime I have to leave. I dread any family get together, dr appointment, or errand. Staying home is so much easier. Any practical tips that can help me? What am I doing wrong?

imaima ↓

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is it your first? They try to get more predictable by 3 months. Try to have a steady sleep eat play cycle and go out after having napped and eaten. Then he should be calm in the buggy.

write4right

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:19 pm

If you fed him right before leaving the house, he's not hungry. Do you know how to comfort him besides nursing?

Also, leaving the house with a baby is a job. Leaving the house with two children is an even bigger job. Don't take it personally.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:37 pm

imaima wrote:

Is it your first? They try to get more predictable by 3 months. Try to have a steady sleep eat play cycle and go out after having napped and eaten. Then he should be calm in the buggy.

Yes this is my first
So I have started to have a schedule like that with him. But my struggle is if I go out when he needs to sleep he’ll fall asleep in the car but will only nap for the minutes of the car ride. Then he is up and crying because he wants to nurse. Then I’m stuck with a screaming baby at a place that is not home

LovesHashem

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I nurse everywhere. If I don't I don't have a life. Take a nursing cover and get comfortable. Find out where there's nursing rooms, in Israel we have nursing rooms in all malls and in many health clinics. That's where I usually go.

If I'm shopping I make sure to nurse right before the trip and after.

Do you track when and how often you nurse? Nursing on a schedule really helped me

amother

↑ Nectarine

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:39 pm

Why does the baby want to eat a few minutes after having eaten? Do you have a way of determining that the baby is full before you head out?
Also, do you pump?

tichellady ↓

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:40 pm

This is hard. Babies are unpredictable and moms are usually exhausted and have a hard time thinking clearly. It is much easier if you nurse in public. Use a cover if you prefer

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:41 pm

You can nurse in the car, shopping center/mall restroom or lounge, clothing store fitting room. Or you can give a bottle when you're not home.
That said, going out with a baby is a struggle! By the time I got baby & myself ready to leave, baby needed a diaper change or was kranky again. Then I had baby #2 & it used to take me almost 2 hours to actually get out of the house...

amother

Lightblue

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 3:47 pm

I don't run errands. Period. For months.
Groceries I find harder cuz I can't push 2 carts but I've figured it out mostly.
Try to order everything online
Phone or website orders
1. Doona? That may get baby to continue sleeping
2. Walk wherever possible with stroller
3. Keep he diaper bag stocked with wipes, diapers, paci etc so your not scrambling as much last minute.
4. You get dressed, makeup, eat etc while baby sleeps.
5. Baby wakes from nap you nurse, change diaper put on wig, shoes, coat and leave. Don't wait too long. No laundry changes. Leave as soon as baby is full to maximize your time out.
6. Some baby do not behave outside. They don't like to be be bundled or lay/sit. It'll get easier when you can hand them a snack for entertainment at 8 months or so.

alibaba1

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:40 pm

Its very important to teach your baby to self soothe without nursing. Can be a comforter or a dummy . If you keep more space between feeds he will actually be properly hungry by the time meal comes around and have a good full feed. This should give you the security to go out between feeds and be secure that he is not hungry he just needs to soothe himself to fall back asleep between sleep cycles. I highly recomment the book "save our sleep" by Tizzie Hall that talks alot about routines for feeding and sleeping. Knowledge is power ! Good luck!
Also invest in a good nursing cover like this ur not stuck at home every time he needs to feed.

socialbutterfly

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:44 pm

I've nursed in the back of my car, but I highly recommend pumping and giving a bottle when out and about.

The nap thing is hard. For me it was about telling myself that I won't stop my life because I have a child. So if he fell asleep in the car and his nap was pushed off by an hour, oh well. At least I did xyz...

Some people literally choose not to leave the house. Can you do grocery delivery? You have to just find what works for you. Lots of trial and error.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:45 pm

alibaba1 wrote:

Babies are not capable of self soothing.
It’s okay if the baby cries in the car-you can pull over and feed as Soon as you can. Looking back it was actually easier to leave when my baby was young than now when she’s over two. Takes forever to leave the house etc. every stage is hard but once you get the hang of it things will be easier. Just make sure you feed right before leaving

amother

Brass

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:48 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

This got a bit easier for me now that I have other kids. I still fall into the “if he napped better he would be more rested/ sleep better at night” for a minute or two but realistically- my kids need to be carpooled, so baby is in the car for that half hour+ and most days doesn’t have more than one good nap. Oh well. With my first it was much more stressful.

I also find going out physically draining- opening and closing the Doona. Change the baby in weird spots etc.

Practically- grocery delivery, order most things online and have babysitting help twice a week so I can get out for a few hours by myself.

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:51 pm

I totally agree with you, and I have a whole bunch of kids. At a certain stage I really prefer not to take my babies along on errands. Once they're comfortable in the car and the stroller, I'm more willing to bring them along. Anyway, in those early months I really need a breather, and would rather go out alone even if it means having less time to take care of things. The nursing is annoying but I manage to make it work with a nursing cover. It's really the messed up naps and all the crying that I find not worthwhile.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 9:53 pm

I think you’re very normal. Every baby and every person’s recovery and nursing experience is very different. I have extremely challenging nursing situations w every baby that takes 8 weeks to settle to even be conceivable to nurse out of the house but I’m usually not so comfortable nursing outside until like 6 months ish, and feeding formula bottles means my nursing gets off schedule which is very damaging for me.
So I order a lot online, politely decline simchas, and try very hard to get mothers helpers and cleaning ladies, etc. Short bus drop offs for kids are unavoidable but I’m not going out to eat in a restaurant lol.
So know it can be very individual and it will be easier. Also winter is 10 times harder I think with dressing baby, etc.
Hatzlacha raba!

amother

Blue ↓

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 10:01 pm

The struggle is real, even after a handful of kids. The trick is to be completely dressed & ready to leave when baby is ready for a feeding, feed & leave the house immediately. Like this you should get some time until baby needs to feed again. & definitely get to know the lounge areas where you shop. I nurse unapologetically at doctors waiting rooms, I mean if anyone should understand it's medical professionals. (Anyone remembers the pediatric dentist receptionist complaining about mother's nursing in the waiting room??)