Do you go to your childs bris?

amother

↑ Mintgreen ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:17 am

Chayalle wrote:

I don't have any sons but if I did, live dragons couldn't keep me from my baby at his bris.

For those of you who don't go to your son's bris. I say this with respect for your minhag, but please make sure there's someone who is REALLY taking care of your baby at the Bris. The whole time. Someone designated to stay with him.

My sister went to her nephew's Bris. Her husband's brother is Chassidish. She drove into Brooklyn with her two little ones. When she arrived at the shul, she heard the sound of a newborn crying. Followed the sound into a room, where her little nephew was in his car seat with not a single adult in sight. The men were in the Bais Medrash room davening, and her MIL and he SIL's mother were in the hall downstairs, setting up. NO ONE was watching the baby. She said she could've taken him, no one would've known. She stayed there comforting him while watching her own two little ones, till the mohel showed up.

FYI my best friend couldn't be at her son's bris, due to some post-birth complications. I was privileged to go the Bris and be the designated person to stay with him and take care of him, and then take him from the Bris straight to the kimpeturin heim where she was recovering.

No one watching the baby is very much not the normal at all I have been to many brissim where moms weren’t there and their babies were well taken care of.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:17 am

I went to my 2nd and 3rd not to the 1st and the 4th. We follow Chasidish minhagim but so far all my siblings , especially my brothers who are Chasidish , their wives always went to their kids brissim. By it the first one , I was staying at a Bobover family and they didn’t let me go. The bris took place in Bobov . The last I wasn’t feeling up to it was Erev Rosh Hashana and DH literally just had a minyan and no women there . Just two grandmothers came .

Highstrung

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:19 am

Chayalle wrote:

That’s crazy. Usually the baby is being taken care of by more than one person . Everyone is busy doting on him and protecting him. Usually the grandmothers from both sides in addition to some aunts are very involved with caring for the baby .

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:20 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

No one watching the baby is very much not the normal at all I have been to many brissim where moms weren’t there and their babies were well taken care of.

I agree, and I'm not saying this is normal at all. I'm just saying if you are the mother, discuss it, make sure this doesn't happen.

amother

Grape

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:28 am

Neutral chassidish and I went with all 4 baby boys. I am a convert for a number of years and it is truly emotional for me to welcome these Jewish children into Hashem’s family. Of course, my friends and neighbors tried to convince me not to go, but I went anyway. Why would I miss these emotional, momentous events of my life?

Ema of 5

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:29 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

To add to that, it's a mitzvah so it's inappropriate to have that pang when you see your child in pain. This is the reason why many chassidish women have the minhag not to go.

Just because it’s a mitzvah doesn’t mean it can’t be painful.
My sister is chassidish, she didn’t go, but she goes to the brissim of relatives if women are going.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:48 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

To add to that, it's a mitzvah so it's inappropriate to have that pang when you see your child in pain. This is the reason why many chassidish women have the minhag not to go.

Of course you have that pang (I have that pang even when it's not my child...I cry at my nephews' brissim and daven for them). I have been taught that it's a tremendous Eis Ratzon, because the baby has no aveiros and his cry is pure, so it's a time to daven for so many things, both for the child and for everyone else....

Whenever we are in an emotional situation, it's a time to elevate those emotions. We learn this from Yaakov Avinu, who said Krias Shma at the height of his emotional reunion with Yosef, because he wanted to direct those feelings towards Hashem. It's the meaning of the Pasuk "kol haneshama t'hallel kah" - we thank Hashem using every type of emotion we have....

amother

Ivory ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 6:57 am

In my community all mothers go unless they themselves choose not to go. But I couldn't imagine not going, it feels almost disrespectful to my baby to put my discomfort with seeing his pain before his own experience of going through that pain. I felt every mother owes it to her baby to be there with him, experience it with him, and comfort him after. It feels callous to say, "Oh, I couldn't bear to hear him cry"- he doesn't get to skip it, so why do you??

amother

Pumpkin ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 7:01 am

Not chassidish. Yeshivish upbringing.
I am the youngest and none of my sisters and sisters-in-law went to the bris even though many of them wanted to because my mother was adamant that the mothers belong at home.
I still remember my older sister, it must have been her 5th or 6th kid and maybe her third or fourth bris, she was part of a small community and she really wanted to go because many women in the community would come to say mt to her and my mother kept giving her such nasty looks that she didn't end up going and she cried the entire day.
By my first boy I didn't go because of course! Afterwards my husband turned to me and he said I don't understand. Would you miss your child's bar mitzvah? How could you not be at least by the Suda?
And I decided that I was married and my husband's wishes trump my mother's and by my next son I went. I was in the lady section and I didn't see anything, I just heard the crying and I was able to daven and maybe my mother made a face but after that all of my sisters started going to their own Sons brissim 😂.
I was the nachshon!
The only part I find hard is finding something to wear.

amother

↑ Ivory ↓

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 7:02 am

In fact, now that I think about it- the women who don't attend their baby's bris cuz they can't bear to hear the pain- what do they do when their baby gets his shots? Leave the room and let the doctor and assistant handle it on their own?

↑ mrsnistar

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 7:05 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

The only part I find hard is finding something to wear.

Yeah, that's the hard part! But I would sooner wear a garbage bag than miss my baby's bris because of that...
My friend recently almost missed her first child's bris because of this, but I convinced her that as long as she has a maternity top, she can wear a long slinky skirt. No one cares... She was worried that she doesn't have any shoes that fit her, and I told her that no one will see or care if she wears a long slinky with crocs... She has a c-section and was sitting the whole time anyway!
Everyone is so excited to be there and to say mazel tov; no one cares how you look and what you're wearing... They know you just gave birth!

amother

Mocha

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 7:11 am

amother Grape wrote:

I relate to this, although it took me longer. Also 4 boys b"h. The first few I did feel a pang, but by the last one it finally hit me. My precious ds is now a full fledged member of klal yisrael, what a zchus. I'm pretty sure I cried. My perspective just shifted.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 7:12 am

amother OP wrote:

I am chassidish and in our circles we don't go to our childs bris. We send them to shul with grandparents and then we have a bris seuda together.
If you are chassidsh do you go to your kids bris? If not do you know a reason why you don't?
I really want to go to my kids bris and everyone is turning me off, but nibosy has given me a proper reason why.
( I do know that in other circles mothers do attend the actual bris)

We are not chassidish and I don't go to my sons bris. My husband learned that the Zohar said a mother doesn't belong at her child's bris because the mothers tears from the pain her child is in block everyone's Teffillos.
(As a side note that just goes to show the strength of a mothers tears)