She won't be traumatized, right? UPDATE

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 11:12 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

What all you abandonment ladies say about leaving a baby for 24 hours?

I don't think it's ok to leave a baby overnight, unless it's a real emergency and you have no choice.

amother

Rainbow

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 12:02 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I don't think it's ok to leave a baby overnight, unless it's a real emergency and you have no choice.

What age? When can I start leaving?

My mother is coming to visit for a week and want to get a desperately needed vacation with DH. Wed do 2 nights and 3 days. But DD is 17 months.

But this is the one chance we have in many many years. It's important for our marriage. Also have other big kids home so she won't be totally without anyone she knows

Thisisnotmyreal ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 12:07 am

I think there's three threads today of women speaking about dhs that left. Just think about that.

↑ behappy2

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 12:08 am

There are so many things that affect kids attachment and regulation. Let's not blow one thing out of proportion.

amother

↑ Oldlace

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 12:10 am

we went on a vacation with our infant and I wouldn't have it any other way.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 12:15 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

The toddler staying in their own home together with their siblings, makes a big difference in the situation.

essie14 ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 3:39 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

17 months vs an infant
Totally different. You dont need to feel guilty at all. She will be in her own home, her own crib and with loving siblings around.
Enjoy.

Personally, I don't travel more than 3 hrs by car without my kids until they're about 8 years old or so. I wouldn't feel comfortable to be a flight away when they're little.
But DH and I started going away for 1 night, once a year, when DD was over 12 months. That was a few months after I stopped nursing. And we were never more than 90 min away by car.

amother

Pearl

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 4:38 am

OP, if you read through all of this carefully, you will reach the conclusion that:

She probably will NOT be traumatized, especially if she is comfortable with your parents before you leave.

But she MIGHT be traumatized, as nice as your parents are. Some kids do feel abandoned, and then they are more clingy thereafter because they are scared you will leave again. I don't know if there is a way to accurately predict which kids.

As with all things in life, you need to make a risk/benefit calculation.

If you can't handle the risk, you might want to consider things like bringing or finding a babysitter at your destination so that you can go out with DH for a few hours without the baby, or taking a vacation closer to home so that if you find out that your baby is crying a lot you can pick her up.

Or you may decide to take the risk. It's not a huge risk, but it's not nonexistent. And taking a reasonable risk is also an acceptable choice.

Some parents on imamother are very very risk-averse. But it's impossible to avoid risk entirely. If you drive, there are safety risks, even with carseats. If you never drive anywhere, there are other risks. There are risks with taking and avoiding medication, with letting or not letting your child explore your house or playground, exposure or non-exposure to germs.

Personally I would not leave a baby this young, but I'm sure I do other things that you would consider unacceptably risky.

amother

Peach ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 5:02 am

amother Latte wrote:

It is abandonment albeit unintentionally. The baby has no sense of time and has no idea if her mother will return. You are causing trauma potentially. I personally am suffering from being the baby in a scenario described.

This is ridiculous. How do you know the trauma you are suffering from was from being left behind as a baby and not from anything else?

My husband has expressed to me in the past that he feels bad that his parents left him when he was 10 months old to go to Israel for a week or two. But guess what - his parents were not good parents in general. One was verbally abusive the other was emotionally absent, they showed mostly conditional love, and they were joyless helicopter parents who sucked all the fun out of life.

His traumas affect our life together in a big way, but they're from much bigger issues than the fact that when he was 10 months old he want to his grandmother for a bit without his parents (and honestly, she wasn't the greatest grandma either.)

If OP is a normal, loving parent with normal attachment with her baby, and the baby's grandparents are loving and competent and able to keep up with a baby's needs, there will probably be no lasting ill effects.

Btw, I just left my (much older) kids for a week on what many people would consider an unnecessary trip. Yes, I cried the whole flight there. And I couldn't stop smiling on the flight back home because I was so excited to see them. But in between I really enjoyed myself, and my kids mostly enjoyed themselves at their close relative's home.

We did a lot of emotional prepping beforehand, and OP this is something you can do with your baby too. It will make both of you feel better about the separation. Also make sure she has all her familiar things with her, and also something that smells like you to keep near her.

You'll both do fine and you'll use this vacation to come back a better, more refreshed mom.

amother

Diamond

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 7:38 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

we went on a vacation with our infant and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Right it's extremely hard vacationing with kids but it's also nice to know that you can bring your children with you around the world and make the best of it and have a good time

My opinion on the question is that there is a difference between going away and leaving your 6 month old for a night or two or a whole week.

I would miss my baby too much to leave him for a whole week and would worry too much

I don't know your circumstances though, you have to do what works for your family

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:18 am

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

I think there's three threads today of women speaking about dhs that left. Just think about that.

You think if they’d left their baby for a week and gone on vacation, their husbands wouldn’t have left? Maybe they did go on vacation and their husbands left anyway … Did you ask them?

amother

↑ Bellflower

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:19 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

It’s better to wait until past 18 months usually.

amother

↑ Charcoal

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:28 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

I have a 17 month old and I would definitely 100% leave her with my mother! She loves her bubby plus she is old enough to understand, and she would have so much fun bonding for a few days.

SuperWify

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:31 am

Eh. Everyone should do what’s best for them. Every child and circumstance is different.

I left my baby at 6 months with my in-laws for 3 days and she seemed very ok when I got back. I left her at 2 and she was openly upset at me for a week after.

amother

↑ Brass

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:32 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

17 months is totally different than a 6 month old.

And they have their siblings and their own recognizeable surroundings.

And two nights is far less than a week.

No need to feel guilty for doing this at all.

(I wouldn't be able to do it since I still nurse my 21 month old. And he has a VERY clingy nature. But, you know your kid and sounds like it could work well.)

amother

Beige

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 8:37 am

OP, if you’re lucky enough to have parents that’ll watch and love your child, go for it. Your marriage will be strengthened, you’ll get a break and your child will be just fine.
Some of these posts sound neurotic. You’re not abandoning your baby by taking a vacation and leaving baby with grandparents.
Most people don’t have this option. Count your blessings if you do.

↑ Thisisnotmyreal

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:08 am

amother Bellflower wrote:

You think if they’d left their baby for a week and gone on vacation, their husbands wouldn’t have left? Maybe they did go on vacation and their husbands left anyway … Did you ask them?

My point was imagine imababy.com

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:24 am

amother Beige wrote:

If the grandparents are virtual strangers to the baby, it doesn't matter if they're grandparents or strangers.
It's absolutely not "neurotic" to be against leaving a baby with strangers in an unfamiliar home. That's common sense. Not neurotic. A 6 month old is an infant. We can't just do as we please with them.
(But OP said later that they may move in to grandparents home to get baby familiar before they leave.)

Hey123

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 10:10 am

She will be perfectly fine!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've done it twice and my daughter was just fine!
Enjoy!!!

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 10:14 am

Hey123 wrote:

She will be perfectly fine!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've done it twice and my daughter was just fine!
Enjoy!!!

Again, just because your daughter was fine, it doesn't mean OP'S baby will be fine! There's no way to know that.

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