Dear Instagramer, this is why I stopped following you

WhatFor ↓

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:06 am

amother Babypink wrote:

I found myself cringing and unfollowing a lot of influencers lately.

The one who shares her IVF struggles in real time. How does she expect a bracha in this area while broadcasting it to the world?

The one who was asked to suggest boots, and posted lots of four figure boots, then said, oh you want affordable boots? Well made boots are pricey! Here’s a steal: only $685!

The ones who post their outfit every day as though they’re flirting with their full length mirror as they swish their hips.

Love the cooking content, and mental health stuff!

I don't have instagram, and I don't know who you're posting about. Generally people who post about ivf or similar struggles are doing it to be mechazek other people going through the struggle, so they can know they're not alone and to destigmatize the struggle.

I'm shocked that someone could say about such a person "how does she expect a bracha in this area?" What does that even mean? Look around you. You think only righteous people have children and only people doing the wrong thing don't? I can't believe a frum woman would say the bolded about someone struggling to have children.

sushilover ↓

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:40 am

WhatFor wrote:

I'm not sure I agree with the original poster about the comment about bracha, but I certainly agree that it is distasteful to share intimate details of an IVF journey in real time.

Don't you think there is something off about a frum woman sharing the details of her journey to conceive in real time? Especially on a platform that is known for exploiting the most personal and private stories for fame and profit.

Because if we have reached a point where we lost the sensitivity to even this, then we are truly in a sad place.

amother

↑ DarkViolet

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:50 am

dancingqueen wrote:

Ok then. 🤷‍♀️. You’ll get a lot of support here, imamother has mostly negative things to say about any female influencer. (Which IMHO comes at least partially from jealousy and internalized misogyny.)

I 100% struggle with jealousy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting that, it’s a middah and I work on it but watching peoples stories with trips and sheitels and new kitchens that are so unrealistic for me is not good for me. I’m much happier with what I have when that’s not in my face all day.

↑ WhatFor

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 7:55 am

sushilover wrote:

No, I don't think there's something off, if that's what she wants to share, and neither do I think that we're in a truly sad place. I know a frum person on Facebook who has been open about her ivf after she had her child (she didn't go through the details of the journey as it happened). I know a non-Jewish woman who was extremely open about the details of her ivf journey and I didn't see anything immodest about it. It was very eye-opening and informative. She showed herself giving injections, discussed the eggs removal, spoke about how few of the many eggs retrieved were viable, her feelings about all of this as she was going through it, etc. She shared the medical process she was going through.

For some women who feel isolated by the process, these women sharing their experiences can make them feel less alone. For the woman sharing it, maybe she gets comfort and support from the community she builds sharing it. If this isn't someone else's cup of tea, it's so easy to simply not follow them.

fleetwood ↓

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:14 am

sushilover wrote:

No. People going through IVF do not have to hide it! Those who post daily should also post the bad with the good. CC is mechazek so many people! Good for her! So proud of her!

amother

↑ Forsythia

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:31 am

sushilover wrote:

What exactly isn’t tznius about IVF? It’s a complete medical procedure.
They generally aren’t even allowed to have relations during the process.

Would you say the same about someone posting about their insulin stuff about diabetes? Or their process with chemo?

It’s amazing that she is educating people on the process and giving people chizzuk.

#endthestigma
#youdonthavetodoitalone

amother

↑ Babypink

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:49 am

I think I was sensitive to this woman’s real time IVF posting because she blamed her broken engagement on too much publicity and specifically said that didn’t share much of her next engagement/wedding because Bracha resides on the hidden.

I’m not judging her a wit, just going along with the theory she espoused so many times and cringed when she shared IVF stuff in real time. Hashem should bless her with many Brachos!!!!!

↑ sushilover

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:54 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

I never said a word about untznius.

Conceiving a child is an innately private thing. If you consider it the same as talking about diabetes, then perhaps this is why we have young people who have zero concept about the value of privacy. I was once witness to a woman being asked about how she conceived her twins. It was horrifying, not at all the same as being asked if she takes insulin.

Btw, thank you for helping me be zan lkaf zchus the woman who asked about the twins. For years I've been judging her privately, but perhaps if she has been exposed to this kind of mentality online, then she thought herself as being open and destigmatizing. I still think it is 100 percent wrong, but I can now see that she isn't really to blame for not having the sensitivity to recognize that conception of any child is too private to be discussed in public.

↑ fleetwood

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 8:58 am

sushilover wrote:

Going through IVF is the least private thing on the planet! You obviously haven't gone through it and have no clue! You literally have no idea what you are talking about

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 12:06 pm

fleetwood wrote:

Going through IVF is the least private thing on the planet! You obviously haven't gone through it and have no clue! You literally have no idea what you are talking about

What are you saying?! Have YOU done IVF? Because we did, and yes, we kept it VERY private! It was no one's business what part of the process I was up to or when we'd b'ezras Hashem conceive. Very few people know we did IVF and even fewer know why, like our parents and my 2 best friends.
Some people might be comfortable making whole social media posts about it and some people keep it to themselves. To each his own, but I fully go by the hashkafa that when and how a child is conceived is between the man, the woman, and Hashem, whether it's in a bedroom or a lab.

amother

↑ Crocus

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 12:08 pm

fleetwood wrote:

Going through IVF is the least private thing on the planet! You obviously haven't gone through it and have no clue! You literally have no idea what you are talking about

Of course it's private, but some people choose to share their journey & there's nothing wrong with that.
But it definitely is private, and oh so lonely.

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Feb 22 2023, 1:55 pm

fleetwood wrote:

Going through IVF is the least private thing on the planet! You obviously haven't gone through it and have no clue! You literally have no idea what you are talking about

Um,

Other than my DH, I and the Doctors, no one knows my child was conceived through fertility treatment. People assumed we just took a long break, well let em assume.