Stopped for my own good - vent

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 5:37 pm

I stopped following a certain frum person because I was constantly seeing her actively spend time with her two kids. She would read to them and teach her older child the English alphabet take them out to fun places like the gym or the zoo, and currently she's teaching her kids about different countries. Her toddler speaks in phrases that my own toddler can't. I struggle so much to read to my children and actually sit down with them and play a card game with them, no less teaching them about a different country and culture!! I WISH I had that kind of energy, MONEY, and devotion she does. I wish I wasn't constantly comparing my kids to her kids. It actually made me sad and anxious to the point where I was literally thinking that there's something wrong with my kids because they're not so "smart", which was extremely stupid of me. I spoke with my pediatrician about this and she said I have nothing to worry about. But still. The more I saw all these hands on activities- baking, sensory play, card games, fun outings, puzzles- from this person, the more horrible I felt as a parent because maaaaaybe I SHOULD be doing all those activities and my kids would've been just as "smart". Because it was weighing me down as a mother, I decided to unfollow her. I know that my kids are the way they are meant to be and I am naturally an introvert and love to spend time alone. I also have some ADHD which interferes with my ability to be with my kids. That is the harm of these stay at home influencer mothers. You find yourself constantly comparing from the snippets of her life to your imperfect life. I'm glad I did. I feel like a huge stone rolled off my chest once I did.

mushkamothers ↓

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 6:03 pm

As someone who's been doing Montessori before there was anything on amazon or social media about it, I always laugh a little at these perfect accounts with one or two kids. When I had a 3 year old and a baby I also had picture perfect activities.

Now I kah have 4 kids and you won't see me posting that stuff. Instead I focus on principles that work in real life and can be adapted and implemented in easy ways.

Also my baby now doesn't get nearly the amount of stimulation or activities that my 1st got but he has older siblings and a more experienced mother.

simcha12plus

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 6:33 pm

instagram is an OLAM HASHEKER.
the content is completely curated.
yes, she may actually be a very special mother.
but, so are you. in a different way.
most people are NOT able to do what an influencer does. many of them are actually brave and charismatic and creative .
BUT, that is part of the point.
the idea of an influencer is to make YOU think that YOU TOO can have that same lifestyle. they are marketing products and presenting their life so that you should think that you can do the same.

(this is a message for ME. I have the same reactions as you and I have stoped following many people. I will check in from time to time, but not as a follower.)

amother

Natural

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 6:56 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

Do you have tips? Would love to incorporate more but life is busy! (3 kids 5/4/1)

amother

Crystal

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 7:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are seeing snippets of her day where she is putting on a show for her followers. You have no idea what the rest of the 23 hours of her day look like but I can guarantee you it’s not picture perfect the way it seems

↑ mushkamothers

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 8:15 pm

amother Natural wrote:

Do you have tips? Would love to incorporate more but life is busy! (3 kids 5/4/1)

There's a lot on my ig @motheringmindset, I'm not that active now but tons of highlights especially "environment". I send weekly emails more about perspectives.

As an aside, I don't necessarily believe that all mom influencers is "all a show" and just "acts for the camera" etc. It can also be that she genuinely does this and loves sharing it. Doesn't mean you have to follow or view it as a benchmark to live up to.

I don't follow any accounts that do sensory bins, crafts or even cooking with kids. I'm not doing that, period. Maybe one day. Not today and I refuse to compare myself to it. Other people tell me that my toys are intimidating. We all have our things.

flowerpower ↓

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 8:21 pm

Instagram is fake. Fake fake fake. I can’t stress it enough. A person can “bake a cake” with her kids. She doesn’t show you the messy counter on the other side and the smacks she gave her kid twice for putting his finger in the batter. She has to pause the camera as she calmed him down after the two yelling/ spanking episodes. She also made her kids hair right before she started filming to make them look very put together. Need I go on? So this blogger reads books to her kids once a week until they lose their attention span. You do you! You bond with your kids how you are able to.

↑ flowerpower

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 8:30 pm

Ps 5 year old boys don’t have to learn about Italy. Letting them hug you with their sticky fingers is worth more quality time. Putting together reels take a lot of time. What do you think her kids are doing meanwhile? Building the leaning tower of Pisa with homemade modeling clay? Not here to knock anyone. All these bloggers may be amazing mothers but watching a 15 second reel does not prove anything.

amother

Stone

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 9:00 pm

I once saw a very popular, fashion influencer (think perfect pictures with her kids, dressed to the hilt etc) at the pediatrician one night.
She was in her 9th month, dressed in comfy house clothes, her daughter was crying and cranky, and she looked like a tired and overwhelmed mom…not at all like the pregnancy photo shoot she posted. Was a great reality check for me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 9:32 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

Obviously. I realized that a little too late. I pointed that out on the last couple sentences of my posts. 😂

Coffee beanz

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 10:09 pm

I wouldnt worry about fancy activities. Just spend a few minutes joining whatever your child is doing. Whether it is looking out the window or building with magna tiles. Letting your child lead helps them with confidence and let's them know you think their ideas matter.
on another note posting your child's face on social media is very dangerous especially with Ai. Predators sit and watch for images they can use.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 10:22 pm

Hurray for you. You did right.

As to your other remarks, get a lot of sensory stimulating stuff and children's books you think are appropriate, and when you need to be alone a little, bring them out and..... leave them lying around. Don't even say "oh look this is fun," to the kids. That might make them think it's "for their own good," which makes them rebel.

No. Instead, say nothing at all and just .... leave them lying around.

At kid height. On low tables. They will then get into them.

Now that's how you make an independent minded kid. When curiosity is HIS / HER idea. Well, you let them think that. Then, when they are fiddling with something, you mildly inquire what is that? what does that do? Oh, what does that mean? Then you let them teach YOU.

They adore that role. You express mild interest and mild amazement and say, "oh that's interesting."

I salute your getting into life and off screens.

Screens are pieces o glass. Glass is great, when it makes windows to let light into our houses, and, it is useful as a surface on tables because it can be wiped. And it is good to make into eyeglasses. And drink out of. I have nothing against glass. In its place.