Dear Instagramer, this is why I stopped following you

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:07 pm

Yes, another Instagram post.

To anyone on here who is an IGer, or who is a relative of one and wants to give feedback as to why some people may be unfollowing... This is a list of reasons I've unfollowed people. I am not talking about just one person here, each one of the reasons below literally apply to a number of people, like, a bunch. I've also given a lot of this feedback to the IGers directly in a very nice way.

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Dear IGer, I'm sure you did not notice losing just one follower, but if you want to know why I unfollowed, this is why.

I started following you for your content about one topic. Now as your brand grew, you've BH gained many more followers and brand deals. I'm so happy for you! But now your stories are all paid or "gifted" ads. And the items are WAAAAY beyond my financial means. I feel bad when I see your stories. You used to be so relatable, and now I just don't relate.

More on the above, I did not unfollow you until you posted apologizing for the many sponsored posts, asked us to bear with you, as these posts are how you feed your family. This was many of you. But without us, the people who are supposed to view the posts, without the content we came there for, your weeks-long commercial break is just annoying and I feel taken advantage of, then guilted into staying because you post begging us to stay so you can put bread on the table. You noticed less engagement and people leaving, but instead of bringing back the content we were there for, you said you have to do this for food. Give me a reason to stay, not a guilt trip. Do the ads AND the content.

I followed you for your budget clothing/plus size clothing/tznius clothing (pick one). Your "gifted" items took over your stories and are now not in the category you claim to influence. You are no longer true to your target audience and I feel left out. I'm so happy for you (truly!!) that a sheitel company sent you a beautiful wig in exchange for a specific number of stories. You look beautiful and I'm so glad you got the deal! But your target audience are people who want to shop on a dime. Your sheitel makes me feel bad. I don't expect you to turn down the deal, but at this point in my life I decided to unfollow. (Substitute "sheitel" for pesach program, jewelry, tznius clothing company, whatever).

You have gum in your mouth while you are talking into the camera and/or you eat while storying and you chew with your mouth open. The talking with your mouth full and chewing sounds quite frankly grosses me out.

You use your kids in your stories. I believe children can not understand what it means to be in these stories. So even if they "beg" or insist to be on camera and posted, they can not mentally or legally consent to this. Worse, you use your kids worst moments to get likes. Please don't show your kid sick, tantruming, being punished, etc. Also realize, there are people out there who are stealing your child's likeness and doing dark-web things with it. This will never go away.

You story while you are driving. Please pull over! You are endangering everyone around you as well as your kids in your car.

I realized I was "hate following". I don't enjoy your content. I actually feel bad for you, as there is clearly an issue there. But everyone is talking about you and I wanted to be in the know... so I unfollowed and reminded myself that it's ok to not be in the know. What's worse, you clearly are spending money way above your means (or what you claim to be your means) when you post things you just bought and are not sponsored. I don't want to be a part of any of any of this.

You are tone-deaf. Your humble bragging is not my cup of tea. You complaining about having to spend so much for a luxury service is really bizarre.

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So I cleaned up my IG and I am BH left with about 30 accounts, all of which are actual friends, my kids camps (they post photos there in the summer), or local stores who post deals only on their IG. I follow a few therapists who have content I like. The people above are no longer clogging up my mind. I have the info I actually need and not the stuff that makes me upset or feel bad.

amother

Crocus ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:09 pm

I don't think Instagramers care why you stopped following them. Just do what you need to do without ado.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:16 pm

Yeah, they don’t care.

amother

Bottlebrush

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:19 pm

I get what you’re saying. I also follow some people for ideas and entertainment, but after a while the level of luxury and expensive items gets daunting and makes you feel jealous. I try to then back off for a bit, or take it with a grain of salt. But perhaps it’s not healthy to spend too much time looking at these stories for this reason.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:20 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

I don't think Instagramers care why you stopped following them. Just do what you need to do without ado.

I am very sure they don't care. Maybe though, someone will see this and get someone to stop using their kids, or stop driving and filming, or whatever and help them? Maybe? Even if not, it felt good to get this out.

giftedmom

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 1:21 pm

Another one here to say you are way overthinking this

amother

Apricot ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:01 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Another one here to say you are way overthinking this

So unfair! She is pointing out legitimate issues that she cares about. A successful business person cares about what their customers think.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:03 pm

And here I thought there's a bunch of Gerrer women on IG...

ectomorph ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:05 pm

Instagram is so toxic. As much as I complain about aspirational materialism in Jewish magazines, the truth is Instagram is way worse.

amother

↑ Crocus ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can't control what other's do.
If Instagram causes you so much aggravation, just leave.
I enjoy the entertainment and don't take anything they say seriously. Take everything with a grain of salt. It's pure entertainment for me.

Wolfsbane ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:09 pm

amother Sunflower wrote:

Yeah, they don’t care.

It's an open letter; it's not addressed to any particular person.

amother

Calendula

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:14 pm

What bothers me with these influencers is not the fact that they only feature sponsored ads.
It bothers me that they set a trend for new standards, they set extremely high standards because they get expensive stuff for free and that makes all innocent women want to follow that new standard.

Like $850 shoes or $650 beach slides becomes a norm because we’re so immune to seeing every influencer online wearing them.

$400 brand name belts become an everyday thing.
All kinds of expensive beauty treatments become a new normal because women see this on IG and think it’s supposed to be this way.

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:17 pm

Most of the frum fashion/cooking Instagram women can only afford to be influencers because they have a significant source of money elsewhere.

They’re not earning much, even when you count up the free wigs and clothing and food, for the hours necessary.

I would love to start an Instagram account about a unique hobby of mine, but even if I grew a huge account (by frum standards, not Kim K standards!) and was offered loads of freebies, and lots of my followers bought things through my affiliate links… the income would be extremely low. But it would be fun. (At least for the first few weeks until I got bored!)

But I need to work in the real world, not as an influencer who has family money or a DH earning a fortune and can afford to work for $5-10 an hour while buying $800 shoes and $400 belts, because that was my lifestyle prior to IG’s invention.

amother

Forsythia ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:24 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

So unfair! She is pointing out legitimate issues that she cares about. A successful business person cares about what their customers think.

There will always be unhappy customers.
There are plenty of viewers that enjoy the ads and the different content.
People aren’t stagnant.
They don’t need to be doing the same things from when they are born until their death.
Interests change.

Many instagrammers just enjoy sharing their life with their followers.
Feel free to unfollow if you don’t find it relevant, it’s always good to minimize Instagram use. But don’t control them and tell them how to live their lives.

They don’t need followers who are simply jealous, or critical.

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:27 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

Do people really become influenced so quickly and from Instagram no less?
Most people I know are not buying $850 shoes and $400 belts. And I live in town, and have many wealthy friends. I have my standards and my boundaries and nobody can influence me to buy something that is not a value for me, definitely not some Instagram influencer.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:35 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

I think some may. Most don't. I do think that when some people see some of these influencers who don't make a lot of money (we know their jobs), instead of assuming they are supported by family, people see their "try ons", see their jewelry, etc. and want those things too. They think, if she has this and lives in this kind of apartment, why can't I have it too". If you are someone who feels this way, you don't belong on IG.

The reason I unfollowed these people and changed how I use IG is because these things were bothering me, as I wrote in my OP. Like I said, for me it's not that I want those things. It's because those things are not the reasons I was following those people and I felt I was being spammed. So nu, I left.

The other issues are far more serious to me. The IGers who people "hate follow" just to laugh at. The ones who use their kids for clicks. Those, I wish those people would be spoken to by loved ones.

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:52 pm

When a lot of people do unfollow a blogger they definitely care!

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t go on IG and I’m glad you reminded me why.

You should be happy you’re not wasting your valuable time any more on these useless people who are manipulating others for their own benefit.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:57 pm

flowerpower wrote:

When a lot of people do unfollow a blogger they definitely care!

Right! Which is why I mentioned the number of people who posted a few times begging people to keep engaging and following despite all of the sponsored posts. They were losing followers and less engagement, even without losing followers, means less income. But instead of asking people why they stopped engaging, they begged us to engage anyway because these ads feed their kids.

amother

↑ Crocus ↓

Tue, Feb 21 2023, 3:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

You're following the wrong people.
None of the people I follow are like what you're describing.