DAUGHTER NEVER WANTS TO DAVEN

amother ↓

Sun, Mar 04 2007, 7:07 am

My dd is 8.5 yrs old a very bright kid
a plus student, her teachers both yidish and english tell me she is the best in the class or as they say their star student, anything less then 104 % on her tests and she will not be happy...etc
but in school when she davens, the teacher says she daydreams a bit
and at home, on shabos ,sundays or other days there is no school she doesnt daven at all, I aske her gently once or twice please go daven, but she just ignores me or tells me later, I dont force her as I was forced as a a kid and now can not daven AT ALL.
but I dont want her to be like me
what can I do?

shalhevet ↓

Sun, Mar 04 2007, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

but I dont want her to be like me
what can I do?

You'll have to force yourself to not be like you. I don't quite get how you want your dd to change herself in a way that you are not willing to change. She doesn't exactly have a role model.
Start davening, however forced and however difficult it is for you. OK, so it won't be full of kavonna (at least at first) and you'll be putting on a show, but your dd will know you're davenning.

BTW, I had this with one of my kids and I made a contest. Every month when they daven every day (the amount they do in school, according to their age) they get a sum of money on Rosh Chodesh. I have been doing this for a few years, every month, and the one who was difficult is long past that stage. You just have to be consistent and keep going month after month.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Mar 04 2007, 12:32 pm

Recently, at a shiur by a well known principal of some lubavtich schools, he told a story of a similar question: parents who ask "why doesn't my child (esp son) want to learn in his spare time at all?" The principal's reply was that the child must see that then parents take the time to learn on their own in their free time either a) instead of "shtussing" out..or b)_.if there isn't much free time, then finding a few min a day to do something..dial a shiur, etc. When the child sees his parents using their time like this, then he will see that it's something important and an example of how to do this in everyday life.

Actions speak louder than words! And 90% of chinuch is setting an example.

Tefila

Sun, Mar 04 2007, 12:52 pm

Quote:

Actions speak louder than words! And 90% of chinuch is setting an example.

I agree but lets make it 80% ok Wink

Since I know great yiras shomayim , baaalia chesed parents constantly learnig and davening who are always doing good, setting good examples but do not know the first thing about parenting their kids...............

TzenaRena ↓

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 7:49 am

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

but I dont want her to be like me
what can I do?

shalhevet, you took the words right out of my mouth, well computer. Wink

I even posted as such yesterday, but with my disappearing cursor, the words never got typed LOL

Of course Tehillim is a fine idea CM, chinuch-wise, but the child should learn the responsibility of davening before she starts her day. Tehillim is something you can say at any time.

↑ shalhevet ↓

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 7:53 am

chocolate moose wrote:

If OP has a hard time davening, can she sit with a Tehillim or other sefer? that would be good chinuch for her kids to see.

I agree with TR.
It will be great chinuch for Tehilllim, but it won't help about the davening. Confused

greenfire

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 12:59 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I would be a little worried about demanding perfection - every day for a child who doesn't want to daven may be a bit much.
OP you should bring kid to shul with you on shabbos and start there together even if only for 1 hour - gain some spirituality together.

↑ shalhevet ↓

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 1:03 pm

greenfire wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

They daven in school every day anyway. It is only non-school days that they have the choice. Some months that is only Shabbos (ie 4 days a month). (School on Sundays in Israel)

DefyGravity

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 1:05 pm

I grew up with a mother that davened everyday, but that didn't make me interested in davening. Praying is something personal, if you don't know what you're saying, or don't feel a personal connection, what's the point in davening?

↑ TzenaRena ↓

Mon, Mar 05 2007, 2:00 pm

There are so many points

Quote:

if you don't know what you're saying, or don't feel a personal connection, what's the point in davening?

Even if you don't feel a connection, it is there. For a more profound experience, learn Chassidus before davening.

In fact, Chassidus says that tefillah is from the root of a word that means "to connect" or "join together" Breishis 30:8, naftulei elokim niftalti see Onkelos, Rashi, Rashbam, Seforno, other sources.

Read the Mystical Dimension, vol.2 - Deep calling Unto Deep, by Rabbi Jacob Immanuel Schochet pub. by Kehot, for a detailed analysis of Tefillah and how to cultivate this connection, as explained in Chassidus.

happymom ↓

Wed, Mar 07 2007, 9:31 am

Quote:

but I dont want her to be like me
what can I do?

I think this is the problem. children learn from EXAMPLE. actions speak louder then words. if u want ure kids to learn something, do it earnestly ureself. if not, dont expect them to do it!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Mar 07 2007, 2:20 pm

op here
how can you judge
my dd is not growing up with a mother like I did
meaning she is not getting a potsh every time she dont daven nice
like I did
so thats why I was wondering why she dont like to daven

↑ TzenaRena ↓

Wed, Mar 07 2007, 5:33 pm

you need to somehow get your daughter to feel that davening is something she wants to do, not something she can or can't get away with doing either way, potsch or not. It would help if she would see you enjoying davening.

You don't have to understand the siddur in order to just feel good that you davened and connected to Hashem. However it's fairly easy to understand anyway, with the new English linear translations to the Siddur.

Give yourself a trial period, where you daven even if just the very basics, and make sure your daughter knows about it and sees it, and sees how happy you are that you davened. Put some chayus in your voice, as you tell her about your hachlata to daven, and how happy you are that you're keeping up with it.

Then suggest to her that you daven together! You can both take siddurim, and sing the davening together. Make it a happy experience. see if that doesn't effect a change in both of you!