Girl's "privates" | Imamother

↑ cookiejar

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 6:13 am

Clarissa wrote:

cookiejar wrote:

amother wrote:

observer wrote:

By the way I see no issue in calling it a "private part" or "private area". Anyone should understand what that's referring to.

Thank you for answering my question. With ds, I call the general area "private parts", and his eiver/bottom. Would it work for DD to say "bottom" and "privates"?

Will it WORK? It's your bathroom. Call it Bert and Ernie if you want. Call it whatever you are comfortable with. Personally, in my house, we call it nothing, because we never need to talk about it (gasp). If one of my kids says their "tushy" hurts, we will ask "front or back"? Or say "show me where". That's it. I happen not to like anatomical names myself, don't like saying them much, and somehow we get by! Call it what you want!

Not to get too personal, but if you can't call these parts by name, how do you say them when you're with your husband?

Um... I don't? But I do have issues, really. (serious.) So let's not talk about me. I'm totally good with eyes, ears, fingers, shoulders, legs, so why dwell on the things I can't say? Most of the body parts that I need to say in public and in everyday life are totally fine. So let's just not discuss the others.

theoneandonly ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 7:24 am

Clarissa wrote:

Here's part of the problem. If a kid asks what this or that is, or asks a mother what she has or what the father has and the mother gets obviously uncomfortable or throws out some silly made up word (knowing at some point he or she will know the real words) than the mother is transmitting s*xual discomfort. Body discomfort.

How many threads have we read here about wives saying their husbands NEVER touch them there and seem freaked out about it? Or have never had orgasms? Or feel freaked out if their husbands want something that isn't on the daily menu, s*xually speaking?

I don't care if you want to call a p*nis the Starship Enterprise. It's silly and they'll find out the real word soon enough. But you're putting out there that there's something icky and off-limits and forbidden. You're starting the long road of s*xual guilt and discomfort.

I call a rear end a tushie as opposed to buttocks, because I like the word tushie. But I don't call a p*nis or balls anything but p*nis and balls. Why should I?

My son, when he was younger, saw me naked and asked where my p*nis is, and asked how I urinate. So I explained that, instead of a p*nis I have a v*gina, but I make peepee out of a urethra. Big deal.

I like the way I have to use asterisks here. I'm more open with my kids than I am here. Smile

Well, maybe other mothers call the p*nis a pippi/peepee because they like that word better. Why is it so glaringly obvious to you that you can use the word tushie without any issues but when anyone else uses tushie/peepee they are passing over body issues and zexual discomfort to their kids? Guess what--I grew up calling it a tushie and pippi. I never even knew the word vulva till reading this thread (I thought the whole area was called a v*gina. You learn something new every day...) I am BH happily married with two kids and am very happy with my intimate life, thank you very much. Not knowing the word vulva did not affect anything, I guarantee it.

(OMG OMG OMG I can't believe I'm arguing with Clarissa... hyperventilating here...)

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 8:56 am

cookiejar wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

cookiejar wrote:

amother wrote:

observer wrote:

By the way I see no issue in calling it a "private part" or "private area". Anyone should understand what that's referring to.

Thank you for answering my question. With ds, I call the general area "private parts", and his eiver/bottom. Would it work for DD to say "bottom" and "privates"?

Not to get too personal, but if you can't call these parts by name, how do you say them when you're with your husband?

I'm sorry about your issues. You need to be cognizant of the fact that, if you transmit your discomfort to your children, they may grow up to have issues, as well. If there's one thing we've learned from the Intimacy board it's that previous generations raised some kids with major discomfort about bodies and s*xuality. It's our job to try not to do that with our own kids.

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 8:59 am

theoneandonly wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

I didn't grow up knowing the word vulva, either. I don't even remember what my parents called that stuff, honestly. It was so long ago, some time around the Lincoln presidency.

I don't really think it's so bad, when kids are really tiny, to use nicknames. I do think it's important at a certain age to change to real names, or at least teach them the real names. But, like I said before, we need to make it really clear that we're not embarrassed or uncomfortable. If a kid asks what his p*nis is or why it gets hard (yes, we all know that happens to little boys) and we blush, stammer or change the subject, we're showing that we find s*xuality to be weird or shameful. So you can call it anything you want, but when it's important to be normal and open, we need to try.

I may use tushie but that's because it's one of my favorite words. I never liked buttocks, butt, bum, etc., as much. But I do use real words when actually having conversations. I have been known to say, "I see your tushie" to my middle-aged husband. I can't help myself.

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 9:46 am

Buttocks, backside, behind, bottom, derrière, gluteus maximus, rear, rump, seat?

There are two things that discussed with children. Their buttocks/tushie and the actual hole/backside/rectum.

But I think there's a difference between calling buttocks a tushie and blushing, stammering and avoiding the word p*nis like it's a forbidden and dirty object. Tushie is a nickname. If we've learned anything from these numerous "what do I call it???" threads, it's that there's another issue with p*nis/vulva/v*gina. It's not about "gee, nickname works here." It's about, "Oh God, what do I call it, my child has noticed his genitalia, someone help me!"

Let's be honest. This isn't about words, it's about discomfort. With a**/tushie/buttocks, etc., it's about words. Not so with PEN!S.

Delores ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 10:01 am

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

↑ chani8 ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 10:11 am

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

You mean you don't let your boys see you naked?? Rolling Eyes

sushi galore ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 10:23 am

chani8 wrote:

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

You mean you don't let your boys see you naked?? Rolling Eyes

I sure hope you don't. Unless you trust he won't repeat wat he saw in school or with friends. Tznius......

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 11:02 am

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

I love your use of "does anyone else." What's next, starting a thread with a poll to see how many people think it's strange?

I've seen some mighty weird comments here with people who treat the human body like it's [filth], and I don't recall asking "does anyone else agree" that the person had issues.

Address me directly. No posts asking, "who's with me on this????" That's kind of rude.

And yes, he was old enough to talk. And, by the way, he saw my breast when I nursed his baby brother. It's not an orgy. It's a family living in an apartment together.

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 11:13 am

sushi galore wrote:

chani8 wrote:

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

You mean you don't let your boys see you naked?? Rolling Eyes

I sure hope you don't. Unless you trust he won't repeat wat he saw in school or with friends. Tznius......

FWIW, my son didn't run to school and tell everyone that I don't have a p*nis. But, if he did run in and say, "My mommy doesn't have a p*nis," I imagine it wouldn't be shocking information. Most of them have mommies without them, too. He wasn't in school yet when he asked, by the way, but that's besides the point.

↑ chani8 ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 11:34 am

sushi galore wrote:

chani8 wrote:

Delores wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

You mean you don't let your boys see you naked?? Rolling Eyes

I sure hope you don't. Unless you trust he won't repeat wat he saw in school or with friends. Tznius......

Of course he won't say anything. You think I teach him the words for erva?!!

Seriously, one of my boys walked in on me (busting through the flimsy but locked door) and I can bet you that he didn't go to school and talk about it. He was mortified and he has never so much as knocked hard on my bedroom door since.

Some of you are being a bit weird here. No normal mother lets her kids see her naked body on purpose.

But I do know frum women who let their (school aged) kids run around naked in front of each other at bath time. Now that's weird. "Tznius . . ."

↑ Clarissa ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 1:09 pm

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Address me directly. No posts asking, "who's with me on this????" That's kind of rude.

And yes, he was old enough to talk. And, by the way, he saw my breast when I nursed his baby brother. It's not an orgy. It's a family living in an apartment together.

Sorry Clarissa.
Clarissa: Everyone was reacting to your post and basically ignoring the fact that your kid saw you like that, I dunno, maybe I have serious body issues to think that should be a big deal. That's all.

1) He actually said that when he walked in and saw me on the toilet. He wondered why I didn't pee standing up.
2) No, it was not the last time he saw me undressed. I don't walk around naked but we have an apartment that requires our kids to walk through our bedroom to get to the rest of the apartment. Plus, I'm not obsessively shy about it. Which is lucky, considering the layout of my home.
3) I think it's interesting in a thread where people are freaked out about saying the word p*nis, what you find most shocking is that my child has seen me in various states of undress. But that says more about you than about me.
4) I can't pretend to care all that much about whether you do or don't have body issues. That's between you and your husband.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 1:13 pm

Delores wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Whaaaaat? Does anyone else think it's very strange that a boy old enough to talk and understand saw his mom like that?????? Is it just me????

I just heard that halachically it is permitted for a child to see you naked up until 3 years old. 2 1/2 year olds can talk, and ak question. It is not so apparent that clarissa did something wrong, even if you or I may decide against doing it ourselves.