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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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ButterflyGarden
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 Tue, Nov 14 2006, 9:21 am
| Quote: | | it was a hostess and regular shower..meaning there were maybe 15/16 hostesses and a lot of other guests. |
I don't understand. How can that work?
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amother
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 9:36 am
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I was at a friend's shower when, if I remember correctly, the mother in law gave a gift of lingerie. is that common? at a shower to get such gifts?
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yoyosma
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 9:41 am
NO!!!!
That squicks me out particularly, did she ask her son if he approves?
I have seen gag gifts given by friends like lingerie, bedika cloths, etc. but NEVER from a MIL. How inappropriate!
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chocolate moose
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 9:43 am
peple do all kinds of things. bring gag gifts, etc.
that's more for someone who's not a poor kallah.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 10:39 am
| yoyosma wrote: | NO!!!!
That squicks me out particularly, did she ask her son if he approves?
I have seen gag gifts given by friends like lingerie, bedika cloths, etc. but NEVER from a MIL. How inappropriate! |
ditto... I would really have been mortified to receive this (even in private), unless I was 100% sure it was a silly gag gift (like, something so yucky or weird that no one can think I'll ever use it).
I have seen tv shows where the fiancee receives lingerie from her friends (I didn't know it was called bridal shower), but it was more in secular and trendy circles than in frum ones!  And from a mil, it really seems controlling and intrusive...
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ButterflyGarden
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 11:16 am
| Quote: | | I have seen gag gifts given by friends like lingerie, bedika cloths, etc. but NEVER from a MIL. How inappropriate! |
Depends on the relationship between the two. My MIL and I have a great relationship and have gone shopping together at stores like Victoria’s Secret. I would not be bothered by this gift. However, if they do not have that kind of relationship, then it’s more of a problem.
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yoyosma
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 3:03 pm
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RivkaBatya, NOW you are close, were you that close when you were engaged?
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cutemother
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Tue, Nov 14 2006, 3:51 pm
I had two showers. one was made by my moms friends, most of the women from the community( where I grew up showers are very common)
and then my friends made me a cute one with lots of little gadgets... it was lots of fun. the best gifts I got were a kitchen aid mixer (for baking...) and my best friends let me choose a set of linens. they were really georgeous.
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ButterflyGarden
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Wed, Nov 15 2006, 8:33 am
| Quote: | | RivkaBatya, NOW you are close, were you that close when you were engaged? |
Yes!!
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mumof1
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Thu, Nov 30 2006, 1:12 am
I just came across this thread now.
its funny cuz I had a shower in the party room of an upscale dairy resturaunt, however I did not recieve one practical present.
just, towel warmer, bath robe and slipper, sterling pic frames, perfume and the likes.
what a waste!
I ended up at bed bath and beyond to get everything, it was such a shame
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sarahd
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Thu, Nov 30 2006, 6:08 am
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I made quite a number of showers for friends and others. I didn't particularly like doing it, especially trying to squeeze money out of people (the thing in my circles was to collect money from everyone and buy a big gift or two, instead of lots of little stuff). I don't think anyone offered me a shower or even thought of making one (by the time I got married, my classmates were planning their sons' bar mitzvahs) but knowing what a thankless job it is to prepare one, I wouldn't have wanted one anyhow.
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mendels mommy
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Thu, Nov 30 2006, 9:10 am
I had a few showers.
PLEASE NOTE: Im not critisizing JUST asking...isnt the point of the shower to help you start off your home, not to exchange for 'extras', unless you got home items from another place?
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withhumor
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Sun, Dec 31 2006, 3:43 pm
Yes, I had one in the mikva 
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Dec 31 2006, 6:51 pm
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Mendels Mommy, I would think it depends on the circumstances of the kallah.
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greenfire
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Sun, Dec 31 2006, 7:36 pm
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I don't like when people make showers and everybody comes - I think it should only be close friends and family - cause it should be fun - not weird.
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Dec 31 2006, 8:30 pm
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Gosh, I loved all that kind of stuff!
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2007, 1:03 am
| Quote: | | I have seen gag gifts given by friends like lingerie, bedika cloths, etc. but NEVER from a MIL. How inappropriate! |
My non-frum mil told dh to buy some lingerie for the shower, something racy, she must have said . Not having a clue, dh went to a 'store' and picked out a sherbet green bustier with garters, the works  .
B'H he told me about the 'surprise' first. I told him he couldn't give that to me- at all much less in public...
Wanting to satisfy his mother and me, dh bought a beautiful penoir set, cream-on-cream color, pearl trimmed, very tasteful.
I had six showers, from mil's friends, mothers friends, mil's sisterhood friends, dh aunts, my aunts, my cousin (that was more of a party, less about presents)
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BinahYeteirah
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Sun, Jan 07 2007, 6:39 pm
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I think it's pretty common in secular circles to give lingerie at the bridal shower, even from a MIL.
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amother
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Sun, Jan 07 2007, 6:40 pm
I did have a bridal shower. It was small, but I got some nice things for the home. I did get one weird gift from a friend. I was a very new BT when I got married, and this friend got me a set of books of "Jewish Children's Knowledge". I guess she thought I was really ignorant.  Actually, I was pretty ignorant, but I still didn't want to get kids' books.
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(Can't tell you how long I've been waiting for an opportunity to use that emoticon! Yay!) So I felt bad for my friends and didn't want to make them sit through that. Not to mention my close friends who would have to make it - been there too! (Turned out it was a very busy time for one of my closest friends and my mom told me that she called my mom offering (sincerely) to make me a shower and when my mom told her I didn't want one, she breathed a sigh of relief!)