Behavior issues, don’t know where to turn for help

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 7:58 pm

Toilet training since September and still not fully finished. My child is almost 3 and a half and when I asked why dc had an accident, dc said “because I wanted to”. I usually have to take dc kicking and screaming and put them on the toilet, and even while dc is peeing says “I don’t need to go”. Will also freeze when needing to use the bathroom, and will sit on the floor unmoving. This is baffling. Also picks many fights with siblings, and self-harms when frustrated.
I did all type of evaluations through the school district and so far they found nothing suspicious.

What type of help should I seek out?

dena613

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:00 pm

The toilet training part doesn't sound so crazy.
Neither is fighting with siblings.
Self-harming,.in my opinion, is the only worrisome thing on your list. What does dc do to self harm?

dena613

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:00 pm

Could you try reading books like No More Meltdowns?

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:10 pm

dena613 wrote:

The toilet training part doesn't sound so crazy.
Neither is fighting with siblings.
Self-harming,.in my opinion, is the only worrisome thing on your list. What does dc do to self harm?

Dc bites themselves and pulls their hair, and is anxious and angry much of the time. Why would a child want to pee themselves instead of using the toilet? Especially when offered treats and their friends use the bathroom at school.

Bleemee

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:13 pm

What kind of evaluations did you have?

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:20 pm

Bleemee wrote:

What kind of evaluations did you have?

OT, PT, speech, psychological evaluation, classroom assessment. There are some concerns with social issues that were classified as “at-risk” for now and was told to reevaluate in six months.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:31 pm

If you're interested in pursuing biomedical root causes, you can look into gut healing and brain inflammation. Celiac also comes to mind as a potential cause.

oneofakind

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 5:14 am

Power struggles and anxiety contribute to toilet training issues. You need to stop fighting about it and start loving this kid. Often when they are holding themselves in, they are uncomfortable and start fighting with siblings etc. If that happens, calmly separate them. Make toilet going a non issue. You want to go, go. Not, that's fine. I'm not invested either way. Start giving Mira lax every day. Most kids like this have become constipated.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 4:03 pm

Anyone?

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 4:59 pm

I'd back off of the toilet training for now. Just take a break from it and come back when DC shows interest without you asking.
I had two kids who were very difficult to train, very stubborn, totally not interested. When I stopped bothering them about it, eventually they both wanted to use the bathroom - didn't like diapers, being wet was uncomfortable etc. It wasn't worth fighting with them and by 4 they were both fully trained during the day. One trained herself at night, and the other isn't ready yet (still 4) and I'm not pushing it. A friend of mine had a kid who was terrified, I don't think he was trained until closer to 4.5.
Mine doesn't engage in the self-inflicting behaviors you mention, but it may be a control thing. Like if he/she can't control when to use the bathroom (because you're taking DC to the toilet) then DC can control the reaction... maybe just can't express the emotions going on?

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 5:01 pm

Also - I would NOT give miralax unless your pediatrician or a GI tells you to go that route. We were advised to try that and IMHO it was to make training easier for me, but a health benefit for our kid. I would never give medicine without a doctor telling us to and I'm not quite sure why that's become a normal thing that so many people recommend. Our doctor highly discouraged it.

TwinsMommy

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 8:57 am

Miralax can make behaviors a lot worse. My kids both had massive issues toilet training but they both have autism. At 3 and a half, absent a diagnosis, what happens if you get rid of pull-ups and just do underwear?

amother

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 9:06 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

Accidents happen. Daily. Multiple times a day.

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