DD calls from seminary crying every day

amother

Tue, Sep 16 2014, 10:28 pm

I cried every day. It should have been a red flag but they all chalked it up to homesickness and nobody took the time to read between the lines. It was so much more than homesickness and I still carry the burden.

monseychick

Tue, Sep 16 2014, 11:04 pm

No offense.. Maybe I'm a different generation. But I went to sleep away camp at 11 and hated it. I kept sending letters home every day " take me home, you reshoyim" "I hate it here, I'm not moihel you "

And my mother just wrote back , " Don't be a pill ", Enough with the drama..

No group therapy, no relatives to go to. Just had to deal.. And it prepared me for a lot worse things to come along..

Are kids today, being over coddled . What happens when they are the parents and leaders..

mommyla

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:05 am

monseychick wrote:

Your parents must have been very proud to have raised such a lovely, pleasant young woman.

ValleyMom

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:49 am

My friends daughter just came home from seminary in Israel because she was MISERABLE.

I have NO opinion.

Just sharing that perfectly normal girls with great grades and terrific social lives might not enjoy or appreciate a year in Israel.

amother

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 1:25 am

nameless wrote:

The beginning of the year is absolutely the worst. It's change of time, culture, food and friends. Then after everyone very slowly starts to get used to it all of the Yamim Tovim start. And YT for the first time not at home is so so hard. It throws all the girls back into homesick land once they have just started to come out of it. A real adjustment to sem doesn't really start until after Sukkos because there is just too much going on until then. I agree with Rainbow to give her until Chanukah. It shouldn't take that long but it very easily could.

Yes. I heard that the seminaries don't allow the girls to go home for sukkos because then probably most girls wont come back.
When I sent my son to yeshiva (not EY) he was homesick for the first 6 months, couldn't sleep at night...

Dolly1

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 3:00 am

Op, it´s all so normal!
I live here in Israel on the same block as one of the famous seminaries. I keep on watching those fresh sem girls and I really pity them. It reminds me of my beginnings. Believe it or not, I still get a lump in my throat when I think about my first few weeks in seminary. But then again; sem was the BEST thing that ever happened to me!!! Just wait it out. It will pass. Be proud that she is missing you, it shows that she comes from a very healthy and loving family! I still vividly recall the scene at the airport, when I left for sem the first time. There I was with my family, bawling my eyes out and my friends who were also there with their parents were hyper and excited. They didnt even look back once to wave a final good bye. I remember envying them and thinking; I wish it was so easy. But then one of the mothers came over to my parents and said: "you´re so lucky, your daughter is crying. I wish our daughter would cry! I dont even feel like she is gonna miss us!". So op, just telling you this, to show you that it´s ok for a girl to cry!

DrMom

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 4:15 am

amother wrote:

Thanks, everybody! I did email the school. They're aware and trying to help her. It's really #2, Dolly Welsh. She's never left home for more than a night, and it's hard. Especially after the stuff that came out about sems this summer, I listened hard to what she's been saying. She says she wants to stay in sem, but bring the house and everyone in it to Israel to be with her. So far I'm still answering the phone when I can, but I think it's harder for both of us. Best idea ever...bubble bath! I think I'll bring some ice cream in there with me.

What "stuff"?

A little homesickness is normal, esp if someone's never stayed overnight anywhere for more than 1 night anywhere besides her own bed (really?).

Still, she's what, 20 years old? She needs to grow up a little. Listen to her and try to pinpoint the problem and give her constructive advice. But let her stick it out.

amother

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 6:57 am

DrMom wrote:

The stuff meisles.

Ruchel

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 7:24 am

Well, I would be close to tears daily in summer camp, especially while on the phone.
Very often my parents came and took me home.
I'm happy they did, and ashamed of the money loss and sometimes they shlepped 1000 kilometers to get me. I didn't realize then.

I only properly managed to take some distance when I met dh. It is ok to not be cut for dorm or to simply not want it.

imasoftov

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:15 am

amother wrote:

The stuff meisles.

I looked to see if I could find a thread about that to post a link to, but I couldn't. I searched for Meisels (that's how I've seen it spelled on other sites) and didn't find anything relevant, and I searched for seminary, didn't find anything there either.

Then I did a google search and found some threads that I remembered. But they were all deleted, only some spinoff threads still exist.

So I guess the worst thing that can happen in seminary is homesickness, washing dishes, bedbugs, or being bootless.

DrMom

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:07 am

imasoftov wrote:

Okay, I googled. Got it.

mandr

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:44 am

Why do people HAVE to send to seminary, especially if you know your daughter can't handle it well? Not everyone is cut out for it. Not every boy is cut out for yeshiva. A lot of girls don't really want to go but all their friends/classmates are so they feel nerdy not going. But it's such a silly belief. Schools should encourage the idea that some girls would be better off working instead of going to seminary abroad, or maybe to try a local seminary. It's a pressure that not everyone needs or is able to deal with. Not even talking about the money aspect.

OP you say your daughter barely slept over before going to seminary, how can you honestly expect her to love seminary right away? Also don't answer every phone call. The more you speak, the more she'll miss you.