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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Dec 26 2024, 1:54 pm
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When someone calls and says, hi how are you? Do you answer the question? I always say great or bh, but I feel that it's just part of a greeting and they're not really waiting for an answer
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amother
Apple
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 1:56 pm
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Yes it’s a normal part of the greeting. I just say baruch hashem
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amother
NeonPink
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 1:57 pm
It depends who they are and how close I am to them.
If it’s a random friend who I don’t speak to often then it’s asked just to be polite which I will then say fine bh.
If it’s someone I’m close to and I know they genuinely want to know how I’m doing then I’ll answer the truth.
Same goes for meeting people on the street.
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amother
Coffee
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:00 pm
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I just say great I know it’s not a real question.
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queen123
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:04 pm
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I always just say good BH. Even when not good, I personally feel like people just ask because it’s a normal greeting and nobody cares most of the time
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amother
Blushpink
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:04 pm
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I may be a bit socially off, but if someone asks me how are you and I’m not doing good, I say so.
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amother
Moonstone
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:06 pm
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Rav Pam Zt"l would say B"H when he wasn't t feeling good. Not great or good just B"H which was 100% Emes.
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amother
DarkMagenta
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:06 pm
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That's why I say BH. It's never a lie no matter how I feel. I don't like saying I feel good when I don't.
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zaq
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 2:13 pm
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You are correct. It's a greeting, not a request for information, unless you're sitting in a backless gown in a doctor's exam room.
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Iymnok
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 4:01 pm
In seminary I remember someone suggesting to reply "asparagus", as most people aren't really asking.
I say Baruch Hashem. If it's a close friend and we have a couple minutes I'll add more.
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hodeez
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 4:08 pm
Good bh.
They don't really care it's just a formality, don't unload all your worries on them.
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zaq
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 5:38 pm
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I did know someone who would get annoyed and retort "BH is a declaration of faith, not an an answer to the question." For the average person "Fine, thanks" "BH" and the like are sufficient, as nobody really wants an organ recital in return. However, true etiquette requires you to append "and you?"
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tweety1
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 5:41 pm
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Bh and you? It's like an automatic response never really thought into it.
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dankbar
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 5:51 pm
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When people pass you on the street and say hi, how are you, they're long gone when you're trying to respond. People are too rushed to even be interested, listen, or stop in the mid if their mad rush and lunatic rat race were living in
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amother
Yolk
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 5:55 pm
| amother Blushpink wrote: | | I may be a bit socially off, but if someone asks me how are you and I’m not doing good, I say so. |
Same here. And it's how I get a lot of good information. I'll say when one of my kids is struggling, when I need a good specialist of whatever sort or when I'm looking for clothing for a certain event.
Side note, there's someone who calls my office regularly and when I pick up he'll say "hi, is Sara there?". If I say yes, I put him thru, if I say no, he says "thanks, bye". I used to think he was being rude, but he's just being him. He doesn't care how I am, so he doesn't ask.
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amother
Chocolate
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 6:26 pm
If it’s someone close and I’m having a hard day I say don’t ask or eh could be better
Otherwise yes just a greeting and you say bh and move on in convo
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dankbar
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 6:31 pm
Similar, to above poster.
Sometimes I would respond do you really want to know?
Sometimes just bh and move on or ask about the other person if I don't want to delve into my own stuff.
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Kiwi13
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 6:41 pm
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As someone on the spectrum, it took me an embarrassingly long time to understand the nature of this question (a greeting rather than a real question). But I’ll tell you something interesting. Most of my life I answered it as a sincere question, and a lot of the time my authenticity was reciprocated.
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amother
Stonewash
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Thu, Dec 26 2024, 8:59 pm
| Kiwi13 wrote: | | As someone on the spectrum, it took me an embarrassingly long time to understand the nature of this question (a greeting rather than a real question). But I’ll tell you something interesting. Most of my life I answered it as a sincere question, and a lot of the time my authenticity was reciprocated. |
Also on the spectrum: I don't recall any time that I didn't know the "rule" that one is supposed to reply "good" no matter what. However, I found the whole ritual of it so superficial and therefore uncomfortable. I eventually found that it's least awkward if I respond with "how are you" and since no one cares about the answer, they generally don't care that I didn't answer. But I still get flustered when I'm really not doing well and someone asks how I am, because even no answer feels dishonest
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