What do you think when someone rejects

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:20 pm

Lately there has been alot of threads on compliments.
From the givers side - do you like it when people respond, oh I don't feel like I look good, or this top was 5$ at target ( so why you complimenting me on it)
Were you ever taken aback when the reciever "rejects" your compliment.
Personally, I used to do this all the time, the last few months, I just say thank you Smile

( and by the way, I really do feel better after the compliment combined with my new found confident reaction)

corolla

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:24 pm

I find compliments meaningless unless I myself feel that way. I.e. if someone tells me I look good and I don't agree, I'll say thank you but it doesn't make me feel better.

OTOH, if it's a confirmation of what I already feel, than it makes me feel good Smile

Either way, I say thank you.

Notsobusy

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:27 pm

When I say "this top was five dollars at Target", it's not to say "why are you bothering to compliment this cheap top", it's "wow! Not only did I get a good sale, but it looks good also! Double compliment, thanks!"

amother

Sage

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:29 pm

Notsobusy wrote:

I'd guess that it doesn't make most people feel great about complimenting you

zaq ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:40 pm

Not really, because most people don't know how to accept a compliment gracefully. Of course everything depends on nonverbal cues such as facial expression and tone of voice.

If she says "What, this shmatteh? It's older than you are" with a smile on her face (or clearly suppressing a smile) she's obviously pleased. If she responds angrily, "No it isn't, it's ugly as sin and older than you are, and I haven't been able to buy anything new since the Carter administration," then yes, I would be taken aback, to be sure. I might give it another try, responding "You may have had it for a long time but it still looks really nice."

If she were still snapping at me after that, I would be sorry I said anything, and leery of admiring anything else about her.Including her manners, which are sadly below par. The polite response to a compliment, whether or not you agree with it or believe it, is "Thank you."

OTOH she might be suffering from depression, and it may be the condition talking. Depressed people can be so sunk in their depression that they're unwilling or unable to accept expressions of positivity from others. I would try not to feel personally rejected, difficult though that may be.

↑ zaq ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:41 pm

Notsobusy wrote:

That makes two of us.

Eastern

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:43 pm

When I answer a compliment by saying “oh, and it was only $5!” It’s not a rejection of the compliment. I’m bragging about how little I paid for it 😄and also letting the complimenter know how easily and cheaply she can get it too! When I compliment someone and she brags to me about how little she paid for it, I’m happy for her since she got such a great deal, and I appreciate knowing she speaks my language!

↑ zaq ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:43 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I'd guess that it didn't make most people feel great about complimenting you

. IDK about that. If it happened to me, I would reply "you're a great shopper, I'd love for you to teach me how to find such bargains."

↑ zaq

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:44 pm

Eastern wrote:

I guess that makes three of us!

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:46 pm

zaq wrote:

If she says "What, this shmatteh? It's older than you are" with a smile on her face (or clearly suppressing a smile) she's obviously pleased. If she responds angrily, "No it isn't, it's ugly as sin and older than you are, and I haven't been able to buy anything new since the Carter administration," then yes, I would be taken aback, to be sure. I might give it another try, responding "You may have had it for a long time but it still looks really nice." .

Too soon………..
(Sorry couldn’t help myself!)