Hurting by mistake

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Hurting by mistake

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amother

OP ↓

Sat, Aug 24 2024, 8:47 pm

I was reading the other post of the child and the fathers beard and it made me think of this…

I have a challenging dc who can’t regulate emotions properly at times and can get totally out of control. I try and stay calm, talk calmly. I Dont yell, take plenty of deep breaths etc… but in the midst of this “tantrum” (it’s bigger than a tantrum) sometimes as I’m trying to either stop the child from hurting me, or is on me in such a way that I need to move dc or pick dc up from the floor and move dc to a different room etc… I end up hurting the child. I hate when that happens, it is not out of anger or on purpose, it’s just what happens bc dc is moving out of control and by default what would just be a simple pick up from the floor, ends up hurting. And then dc says and remembers that I hurt.

What can I do differently. I in no way want to hurt dc!

amother

Watermelon ↓

Sat, Aug 24 2024, 8:55 pm

I tell my child that if they can't calm down and be safe or leave the room by themselves I will pick them up and move them and they might get hurt by mistake. And sometimes I count so they know I'm serious. And then if I need to remove them I do.

amother

↑ OP

Sat, Aug 24 2024, 9:16 pm

I would totally do that But dc won’t even hear me. Sometimes I Dont even have time to count. If I’m getting hurt sc has to be removed NOW not in ten seconds after I count calmly.

So then what do you suggest? And really I don’t want to hurt at all! This happens sometimes in simpler matters when I’m spreading to siblings fighting… one of them may end up hurt and say “you hurt me”.. darling, I wouldn’t have to forcibly remove you if you weren’t hurting in the first place! Not all instances is there time for calm counting

amother

Daisy

Sat, Aug 24 2024, 9:19 pm

You don’t really have a choice. When they bring up the hurt I’d say do you remember what happened? You were screaming and lashing out and I had to move you, and when you act that way sometimes you get hurt. I wish we can just talk to through instead of having to move you. Maybe next time we can try it.

I’d use it as a moment to discuss what happens and ways they can comply instead.

amother

↑ Watermelon

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

So say it as you're doing it "I need to move you away to keep myself/siblings safe. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you. I really don't want to hurt you. You're not safe to be around other people now."

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