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Forum
-> Health & Wellness
-> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise
cookiewriter
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 Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:24 am
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Please help me help my daughter who’s 18. She’s always been bigger her whole life. Has gone to a bunch of nutritionists. They all put her on super strict diets which she follows to a T. She’s very type A, organized, rule follower. She will lose maybe a pound every week or two. By eating VERY VERY LITTLE. Everything weighed measured etc. She’s so discouraged. And now she’s back from sem, her friends are starting to date.. what do I do? What doctor to go to? What nutritionist? She’s done every diet.
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amother
Yarrow
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:25 am
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Leave her alone not everyone is supposed to be a size 2. I hope her husband appreciates her for who she is
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amother
Azure
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:30 am
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Thyroid? Pcos? Otherwise she's prolly eating in hiding... There's great weight loss idea of keeping off weight forever by Alan Nemtzov worth looking into
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cookiewriter
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:39 am
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I never say a word to her but she’s very unhappy. It’s horrible going shopping and coming home with zero because nothing fit. She doesn’t deserve that.
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cookiewriter
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:39 am
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She’s not eating in hiding.
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amother
Peru
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:51 am
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Does she exercise? It’s not only about the numbers on the scale. If she is toned, clothing will fit better and she’ll feel more confident with how she looks.
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amother
Azalea
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:54 am
| amother Azure wrote: | | Thyroid? Pcos? Otherwise she's prolly eating in hiding... There's great weight loss idea of keeping off weight forever by Alan Nemtzov worth looking into |
This attitude is cruel and unfair.
No she's probably NOT eating in hiding.
She is just made this way. The problem is society not her.
I hate, hate this kind of judgement.
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amother
Cyan
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:09 am
She might need to eat differently not less.
Maybe she is insulin resistant.
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Green Tea
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:16 am
| amother Peru wrote: | | Does she exercise? It’s not only about the numbers on the scale. If she is toned, clothing will fit better and she’ll feel more confident with how she looks. |
I second this
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amother
Milk
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:31 am
| cookiewriter wrote: | | I never say a word to her but she’s very unhappy. It’s horrible going shopping and coming home with zero because nothing fit. She doesn’t deserve that. |
It is horrible. It also doesn't mean the problem is her size. The clothing industry isn't very good at providing decent clothing for women of a certain size. That doesn't mean they're supposed to be smaller.
I don't know her and I don't know if she's medically overweight but I do know that a lot of women are larger simply because that's their body type.
If there is something else that indicates a health issue, like if her body fat is distributed disproportionately, or if she has menstrual problems, thinning hair, fatigue, pain, dry skin, feels cold, etc. (symptoms of several hormonal/metabolic issues that can cause weight gain/impede weight loss) then it's worth getting an appointment with an endocrinologist. Then she can get some blood work. Or any doctor can order basic labs, if you're concerned.
Re: lifting weights, that's a good idea for almost everyone. There are significant health benefits to having better muscle tone, it improves your physique, and of course it's good to be stronger as well. If she does lift weights, she should make sure to eat enough, especially protein. A lot of people find it helpful to use whey protein shakes so they can add the protein without having to eat meat or combine plant proteins.
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amother
Dill
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:38 am
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Has she tried working out? So far you have only mentioned diets and nutritionists
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notshanarishona
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:40 am
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Sometimes it’s just a matter of radical acceptance. I don’t believe that it’s normal hishtadlus to have to spend your life doing keto or super low calorie unless you are so overweight it’s affecting your health. Some people are just naturally with bigger bodies.
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Jewishmofm
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 1:53 am
Number one: find out if there is indeed a problem. I would speak with her primary care physician about any actual health concerns. Her size may be a symptom, which can help the doctor identify if/what is unhealthy.
Number two: We come in all shapes and sizes, as long as she is healthy, sleeping well, energetic...the rest is societal construct and should not dictate her life choices.
Number three: its possible with restrictive dieting for our bodies to go into starvation mode - holding on to fat for when we need it to deal with a threat. I'm NOT saying your daughter is starving herself in the conventional sense, but we do need a balance of fats, carbs, and proteins for our bodies to function properly.
Number four: exercise is even more important for overall health than dieting.
My first step would be a doctor to see if a nutritionist is even necessary.
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 2:00 am
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I just want to say my daughter in law is overweight, spent her whole life dieting "for shidduchim" and was talked for us at the age of 21. Weight was never a consideration for us and she and my son hit it off right away. There is someone out there who will love your daughter for who she is and she will find him in the right time.
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amother
Yolk
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 2:03 am
OP I know this will sound off the wall but my nephew actually had it! Have her checked out for sleep apnea.
Hatzlocho x
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 2:21 am
People speak well of this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-.....ss_tl
She has the build she has, but she can still be in reasonably trim shape with that large build.
Losing a pound every week or so IS exactly the right pace of weight loss, and if she can do that, that will get her where she wants to go, eventually. It is a slow process. Of course, eating little, she must take a multi-vitamin and go easy on sugar. Black coffee, green tea with nothing n it, yogurt, lots of beef, little bread, agave for a sweetener, no soda.
As to clothes, contact a dressmaker and have some nicely draped skirts and smooth dresses made for her. Amazon has plenty of nice blouses her size.
She can look sleek and well put together. As others say, there is someone for her. The main thing is not to get a downbeat attitude. That would be much worse for her prospects than her size.
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amother
Magnolia
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 2:46 am
You can take blood work to check her thyroid levels and whatever else needs to be checked physically.... If everything looks good and you already tried nutritionist and diets, I'd say to try an alternative method to see if there's a specific food slowing her metabolism down or preventing her from losing weight. For me, I was told to try to stay off yeast for 2 years as the yeast was bloating me. I know someone else that got off white flour and white sugar and saw great results. But this was tested by kinesiologist specifically for that person to see if there's something preventing weight loss.
You said she was always bigger, so maybe she has nothing to lose. Her body is just built that way. Although it's hard to accept, as it isn't easy being of age and not "skinny"... Wish everyone would just be able to be the size they're meant to be without all the judgement...
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 3:06 am
| amother Magnolia wrote: | You can take blood work to check her thyroid levels and whatever else needs to be checked physically.... If everything looks good and you already tried nutritionist and diets, I'd say to try an alternative method to see if there's a specific food slowing her metabolism down or preventing her from losing weight. For me, I was told to try to stay off yeast for 2 years as the yeast was bloating me. I know someone else that got off white flour and white sugar and saw great results. But this was tested by kinesiologist specifically for that person to see if there's something preventing weight loss.
You said she was always bigger, so maybe she has nothing to lose. Her body is just built that way. Although it's hard to accept, as it isn't easy being of age and not "skinny"... Wish everyone would just be able to be the size they're meant to be without all the judgement... |
You mentioned yeast. I've heard about it, that it prevents weight loss.
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amother
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Mon, Aug 12 2024, 4:09 am
I have a 16 yo boy who always felt he was bigger. I spoke positively and focused on nutritious eating and keeping active, water the only beverage mostly, improving sleep. Getting to bed late has been an ongoing issue for some years, I really wanted to fix that and thought that would help him. This year he became slim. Looks completely different and he’s very happy. It was entirely diet. I found out about carnivore and wanted to try it. I wasn’t able to stick with it strictly for even 30 days, but I lost 17 pounds that never came back, bH. I never felt deprived and was full, had energy throughout the day and since I was ‘carnivore’ there’s so much food I didn’t eat. This is the only diet that the weight didn't come back when I stopped the diet. My son kept going with it till now. He eats regularly for Shabbos or Yontif, but prioritized protein, notices he doesn’t feel as good when he eats sugar, all around more awareness. he’s not carnivore meaning he only eats meat, eggs, etc, he has had pizza with friends, etc, but his way of eating has changed and he has something to fall back on. He used to be nearly 200 (I didn’t focus on weight, but he checked a few times a month, we have a smart scale), he’s low 170’s, upper 160’s now and looks slim.
We jotted on a calendar when we started, was: March 17 ‘24. Pesach I went completely off,
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