Baby home-for child or parent sake?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 9:44 am

Hi,
On this site so so many times I’ve seen people advocating for keep your baby home with you, it’s better than a sitter, etc.
Is it for the parent? I mean a 4 month old baby, would adjust to a nice caregiver, no?
Basically my work from home job is kind of giving me an ultimatum to figure out childcare or give up the job.. I work from home with baby but it’s obviously distracting.

I always thought I’m doing this for baby. But if baby is fine sleeping, bottle, playtime at a sitter is it just for the mother, for our selfish desire to be with the baby 24/7 and feel we can “do it all?”

Thanks!

amother

Candycane

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 9:50 am

Baby needs to bond with its mother!
My 4 months old is home with me. It's best for my baby that I give the cuddles before nap time. That I blow bubbles and make funny faces. Baby needs a secure attachment to it's mother

amother

Salmon

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 9:52 am

I keep home because I feel the bonding is important for both of us but mainly because I don’t trust these sitters to properly take care of them. Until my child is old enough to communicate if something is wrong I don’t send them out

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 9:54 am

Babies are neurologically wired to be in close proximity with their mothers for the first few years of their life. That's what nature intended.

That's not to say they can't do ok at a sitter, or that there can't be extenuating circumstances, but staying close to mom is ideal, and should be instinctive. Generally speaking.

amother

Heather

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:05 am

In many cases, it's for the benefit of the baby to go to daycare or a sitter.
OP, do what you need to do & don't eat yourself up over it.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:07 am

On this site there is a large push to keep baby home with mom.
That's not necessarily the right answer for everyone in every situation.
You need to judge your personal self and situation to see if it's right for you.
Do you need the money? Do you need the adult interaction? Do you need the distraction from baby and household chores?
Sometimes it's best for mom to have an outlet and break from baby for a bit.
Eta if baby is with a good caregiver s/he will be fine and not be affected and won't remember. It will not cause trauma later in life

amother

Midnight ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:22 am

amother Candycane wrote:

But if you're working you're not doing this. You're parking baby in a bouncer or whatever

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:24 am

Thanks all.
I think it’s tough because there’s no utopia. This site tends to favor staying at home with baby, which I also prefer but since boss kind of showed they r unhappy I’m kind of rethinking.
Like I guess I see that baby prefers me over everyone at home for example but I’m sure she’d adjust
So just not sure who’s winning by baby home and me working from home.
The house is surely not winning, it’s a mess.
My boss - not winning.
Me - overwhelmed not winning.
And baby - winning the most but honestly also not cuz since I’m working it’s not like we r at the park or playing on the floor.
She is nurses by me, lies next to me on the floor, etc

amother

Iris

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:56 am

My friend would send out and the caretaker who had the best reputation was found to be abusing the babies. I know that is an extreme scenario but it happens and our babies are precious. I am so grateful I have the ability to be home with my baby. I will not send until my baby can communicate that everything is ok. I think if you can get a sitter at home with you, that is ideal.

tichellady

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:08 am

Babies need to be cared by someone loving and attentive, it doesn’t need to be their mother. I don’t think one person caring for 6 babies is going to be very attentive either, although she may be loving.

lamplighter

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:34 am

People who are home with their babies are doing it because they believe this is the best for their baby, I don't believe that's a question. Of course in an ideal world a baby getting their love and attention and care from their mother is the best option. In real life, it's more complicated than that.
If you will not be able to work and need to or you will not be able to care for your baby because you are working, then a loving caretaker is the right choice because you cannot be that in your circumstances.
I think it's interesting that you're saying this site is skewed to SAHM bias because in real life I find it the exact opposite.

amother

Celeste

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 12:41 pm

I plan to share a babysitter with one or two other babies next time I have a baby under one years old. I kept my baby home while I worked from home this time and it was miserable for both of us.

If your boss isn’t happy with the setup, it’s not going to work unless you’re okay with losing your job. It’s time to find a babysitting setup that you’re comfortable with. It’ll be the best thing for you, your baby, and your job. You will have more patience for your baby because you’re not burnt out.

imaima

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 12:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

First of all it’s natural for the mother to want to be with the baby.
It also matters for the baby if it’s with the mother or the sitter. If you need to work though, send to a nice sitter.

Last edited by imaima on Wed, Jul 31 2024, 3:57 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Currant

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:19 pm

I keep my babies with me until they are eating enough solids to get them through a feeding and are getting all over the place so it's harder to work with them.

amother

Poppy

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:59 pm

Also, it depends on the baby! Babies totally have personalities! I was home for 10 months with my first and he did not like to be held for more than 2 seconds because he wanted to go, go, go. Do, do, do. Even at a month old. He enjoyed hitting his toys more than he enjoyed sitting on my lap with my undivided attention. He loved to go out and explore new thing, new people. He loved being with babies his own age. Going to a babysitter with 3 babies abut older than him was the best thing for him, he loved it. He learned a lot. My second is very cuddly and is content to just sit on my lap no matter what I’m doing. For him I feel bad sending him to a babysitter even though she is amazing, he enjoys just feeling close to his mommy.

thegiver ↓

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 12:21 am

Babies need attachment. If u are comfortable having your baby attach to a stranger…
I would rather struggle financially than let my baby feel attached to anyone but me.

Babies need their mommies! This makes them healthy. You aren’t just providing their physical needs. It’s an emotional attachment the way you look at them song to them change their diapers and they know your smell and your voice. You are your baby’s one and only. No caregiver will ever love them the same.

I would throw a pizza in the face of the boss and say goodbye!