When your sister-in-law has a baby

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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What do you do when your sister-in-law has a baby?

Nothing

[ 2 ]

Call or at least text mazel tov

28%

[ 37 ]

Send a gift

[ 6 ]

Send a meal (if you're local)

[ 2 ]

call/text AND a gift or meal

63%

[ 82 ]

Total Votes : 129

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 11:00 pm

What do you do? Does it matter to you if it's your brother's wife, your husband's sister, or your husband's brother's wife?

I voted what I do which is call and send a gift or a meal, depending on what I can do or what I think they'd appreciate more.

When I had my last baby, each of my sisters came over or called and two of them brought over food, and they all sent a gift. My SILs, otoh, some only sent a gift and when I called them to thank them, they said their mazel tovs. One called and didn't send anything. Three didn't call and didnt send anything, it was as if they didn't even know I had a baby, no acknowledgment at all. Just wondering how common it is...

amother

Junglegreen

Yesterday at 11:03 pm

We post mazal tovs on the family chat. If I’m close to the sis in law then I’ll text her personally too, but if not then I don’t.

I’m antisocial postpartum and don’t like it when people reach out and overwhelm me. A text is appreciated, more than that is not.

We’re a big family and gifts for every baby would be expensive. We all chip in to get a big present for everyone’s first baby, then only the rich members of the family give gifts for babies after that.

flowerpower

Yesterday at 11:06 pm

I send supper to the local ones
First baby on dh side gets a gift
My side we chip in for a gift
We reply with our mazel tovs on the group chat
If I have time I visit a local sib( from my side) in the hospital

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 11:07 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

In my poll, I meant a personal call or text.

A gift can literally be $5 board book. Or better yet, split the cost of a stretchie with another one or two people. If two people get one gift together, I still appreciate it. It's not about how much the gift cost, it's about the acknowledgment of our simcha.

amother

Firethorn

Yesterday at 11:31 pm

I send a gift for the first
I do call but it's happened that I met them before I managed to call

amother

NeonBlue

Yesterday at 11:34 pm

I call, visit and send a stretchie. Yes it adds up (large family and I also send to my nieces and nephews when they have babies) but it’s important to me. Everyone deserves to feel acknowledged

amother

cornflower

Today at 12:03 am

Text so that they can respond when they feel up to it. I hate cooking so no meals but we give a nice gift like 100-300 depending on who it is Smile

amother

Caramel

Today at 12:37 am

Both my husband and I come from large families who live in our city. I am super close with some, have no relationship with some, and have a weird, complicated relationship with 1 or 2. No matter the relationship, I text, send a meal, and either buy a gift ($15 or so) or chip in for a group gift. My sils who I am closer with I will also visit. It takes time, and adds up, but I strongly feel this is what you do for family.

notshanarishona

Today at 1:33 am

Not all sister in law’s are equal, I would way with most people it depends if they have a relationship in general. If you aren’t close and don’t live in the same city I wouldn’t expect much of an a acknowledgement. If you are close I agree it’s insulting not to be involved in the sincha in some way ie watching your kids, sending something for kiddush, sending a meal:

amother

Tiffanyblue

Today at 1:37 am

Definitely call or text privately plus on group chat. And then a gift usually around $30-$50 value. Many times I got it for way less but they don’t necessarily know that.

ChalieB

Today at 3:25 am

I message and see if she's up for a hospital visit. Once they're home, we'll bring over a gift within the first month, and if we're local we'll arrange at least one meal during the first few weeks. The gift can be a hand-me-down, as long as it's nice, but usually we try to get something new as well.

amother

Nemesia

Today at 4:49 am

I give back the same energy they gave me.
DH's side of the family didn't aknowlege my pregnancy or birth. When my SIL's on his side have babies, I'll do the same, zero aknowledgement.
My brother's wife however was so supportive and caring, I hope to be there as much as possible for her when she has her baby. Meals/ errands/ shopping/ babysitting/ gifts etc.

amother

Cyclamen

Today at 6:40 am

I text privately and give a gift. If I'm very close I also call. I hate when ppl call me pp I never answer the phone.

amother

Green

Today at 6:43 am

My SILs all live very far away. We text/ call, but not visiting.

essie14

Today at 6:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh my goodness , it seems you have large families so I think the dynamics are different. DH and I are both from small families. Every baby born is a really really big deal and we go all out with calling, texting on the family chat, and sending gifts.
(Don't live close enough to make meals but I usually send a platter or meal from a local place for them)

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