Can’t get my work done bc of manager

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 1:53 am

My boss decided to bring in an intermediate manager to work “with” (but this person sees themselves as being “over”) me. From past experience (I worked under this person years ago) this person is a micromanager and a control freak, has unrealistic expectations for how long different tasks take to get done, and is unwilling to have a conversation about backing off and letting me do my job. The constant “checking in” interrupts my actual working and every time I have to stop to listen to this person go on about something that could be a quick text or email, that cuts into my actual work time. The stress and anxiety is really affecting me. I am good at what I do but this person is making me doubt myself with every “so I told you to work on A, B, C, D and E yesterday, so WHY aren’t they all DONE yet?” Because each actual task takes a lot longer to complete than it does for this person to ask me to do the task. Just because it took you 15 seconds to ask me to do something does not mean the task takes 15 seconds to do. Each one is several hours and over several days. And I’m not a slow worker.

It would be a shame to leave because I am good at what I do and have been at this job for about a decade, but if I would leave it wouldn't be because of the job, it would be because of this micromanager.

The boss and this person are friends from way back so the boss isn’t willing to consider that this person is interfering with my getting work done. I am overloaded and have asked for the ability to delegate and/or have an assistant but that keeps being denied and/or ignored.

I’m so frustrated, exhausted and resentful and wish this person would leave. me. alone. so I could get my job done.

PSA to all managers—please think about how you can help your team work well. Once a team member has more than proven their commitment, there is no need to constantly remind them every couple of hours that you are expecting them to get tasks done.

amother

Starflower

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 5:32 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

I would leave unless you think there’s a chance this manager will leave. It’s too hard to be in that situation. The new manager is not going to back off because then they couldn’t justify having their job. They will probably paint you as the problem if you challenge the situation.

This. OP, a manager such as the one you are describing is a real risk to your good standing and your job. With what is going on, you are going to be job-hunting sooner or later - the only question is if you get to choose the timing and if you will come with good recommendations or after being fired.

Start looking for another job right now, find one, and after the interview go to your current real boss and tell her: "I received an excellent offer and they would like me to start next week/ in two weeks (depending on how long notice you have to give your current place). You can fire X or I will take the job, but I will no longer work under X. Please let me know your decision by the end of the day."

DON'T let them know where your offer is or they may try to sabotage it.

shachachti

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 6:43 am

Start looking around.
Talk to recruiters confidentially.
See whats out there and what you can get realistically.
Once you know your options you will be much more confident to have a frank conversation with your boss.

I would even interview with and have an offer on the table from a different company before having this conversation.

But to be honest, counter offer letters don't work well.
Your boss will promise you the moon and back and then, as in most cases, nothing will change in the company and you will stay stuck with this dynamic.

I think you should start looking and not look back.
Wink

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 9:38 am

amother OP wrote:

You should definitely read about micromanagers/bully managers and make your decision.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I hope it will make you a stronger person the way it did for me….

‘The no a**hole rule’ by Robert Sutton was an excellent and encouraging book for me.

From a Jewish perspective, this person was sent your way to make you better. Choose to empower yourself not to let this toxic persons projection ruin your belief in

-your ability/skill
-how precious you are no matter how well you work
-your future options

Good luck!

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:49 am

logical wrote:

I FEEL THIS
I have a manager like this also. She was put "over" me to "make the office run smoother and more proffessionally" I hate sitting through loooooong meetings that are all either things I know already or just "FYI why not learn more?"
It's like her whole job is just telling me to do my job. Problem with these kind of managers is as long as you do your job and dont ask her questions, she will assume she's not doing her job. It's a giant pain in the brain.

Omg yes, this 10000%. It’s almost like she can’t conceive of me doing my job without her sitting there, breathing down my neck.

Love the “pain in the brain” line!

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this also.

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:50 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

Things were great when this person left for a few years, but now she is back. Banging head

And yeah, you’re right that she is likely to deny having any part in making this situation difficult.

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:54 am

amother Starflower wrote:

This is a good idea, although to be honest, there’s a lot of good at my workplace, and I really believe in what we do, and having to start from the bottom at a new place sounds daunting. On the other hand, you may be right that they may be looking to push me out, and in any case I may have to be job-hunting at some point in the future. I do feel like no matter what, if I leave, they would portray me negatively, and if they fire me, they would portray me negatively, if called as references.

Is there a polite but firm way to avoid sharing the name of a company offering a position?

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:59 am

amother Mayflower wrote:

I really feel for you. I used to work for someone difficult like this.

Now as a manager, I make a huge effort to back off and give people autonomy even at the risk that it sometimes backfires and they drop the ball. I would rather empower people to do their jobs and once in a while look bad to my own boss than to micromanage them.

You sound like a fabulous manager. I do the same thing for team members that I manage, even if they make a mistake, or I have to ask them to fix something (even multiple times, such as when they make the same mistake over and over again), but I avoid calling them out publicly and try not to show annoyance if I find it frustrating that they are making the same mistake again. I strongly believe that everyone wants to succeed and do their job well, and they need to be allowed to actually do their job! I really believe that one of the most effective things a manager can do is get out of the way.

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:59 am

shachachti wrote:

All of this resonates a lot…thank you.

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Its very hard to start a new job as well. Is there a HR in your company that you can go speak to? Or someone who is over your boss that you can speak to? I had such a situation and if you are a very valued employee they want to keep you and will make different arrangements to not make you are not stressed and make you want to stay.

That is part of my concern, starting over in a new place would have its own challenges and there is no guarantee that there would not be a toxic manager there as well. My boss is the head of the company, so there’s not really anyone else to speak to. The HR situation here is very “heimish.” In any case HR is there to protect the company, not the employees.

It’s a shame, because I work well with everyone else at the company.

amother

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 12:04 pm

amother Goldenrod wrote:

Thank you for this encouragement and for the book recommendation, will check it out G-d willing! It’s hard not to internalize this person’s negativity. I am naturally the type of person to want to work hard and please my supervisor, and my go-to is to assume that if there’s an issue, it’s my fault, even if it is not. I think this manager picks up on that (maybe subconsciously) and uses it to undermine me.

shachachti

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 1:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

On a general note-
You can shmek out a company before agreeing to interview with them or at least while interviewing with them.

An interview is just as much for yourself as it is for the company hiring you.

Don't badmouth your own company. It never lands well.

Back to your personal situation-
How much does your company really need you?

When your boss is going to hear that you're having thoughts about leaving what is she going to do to make sure it isn't happening?

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 2:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Exactly what people with low self esteem and toxic behavior try to do. Stay strong!