Missing my kids | Imamother

amother

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:51 am

Am I the only one? So anxious to know how they are doing. So sad to sit in the quiet house without them home. Every one keeps talking about the freedom and being on vacation now that they are in camp, but I’m just sad. I love them to pieces. I don’t want them away for so many nights. It feels like a crazy concept to me now that I’m at this point. Like imagine if I couldn’t speak to my husband for the next week— I couldn’t manage. How are kids supposed to go cold turkey on their most important connections and supports? Anybody else struggling with this???? Of course I’m so grateful and if they are happy I’m happy for them but how do I know they are happy???

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:53 am

My camper is thirteen years old and the teen years are transitioning to adulthood.
She has good attachment, knows I’m at home if she needs to call in case of an emergency, has good friends with her and knows who to approach in camp for an emergency.
She’ll speak to me twice a week and I’m confident she’ll be fine.
I do worry about her, though, and hope for the best.

amother

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:57 am

amother Bronze wrote:

Sorry but this doesn’t feel helpful or validating to me. I know all those things logically. But I can argue that a 13 year old still needs parents for so many things. And I have no idea if they are doing well, and if they aren’t doing well chances are the camp won’t let them call me so they would struggle alone. If only the camp would give updates or send pictures. I know that isn’t realistic but I hope they appreciate how hard the not knowing is.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:03 am

amother OP wrote:

One of the challenges of parenting is letting go and letting our children spread their own wings.

It's not always smooth sailing, but the bumps along the road teaches them important lifeskills.

These experiences are great teaching moments and prepare them for adulthood. If they can't figure stuff out on their own and always need mommy to help, how will they be ready for marriage.

Look at it in way that you are providing them the opportunity for further growth.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:08 am

giftedmom wrote:

Missing my ten year old so much. I hate this. I want him home with me. He called me last night crying. He is way too young for this.

That I agree with - 10 years old is too young.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:10 am

This is actually good for them. Children need space to differentiate from their parents. They need to be left to fend for themselves occasionally. This is how they learn problem solving skills and real confidence. 13 year olds do not need you to that degree. As they get older, they need to be given more and more freedom. Yourrelationship will evolve. They will still need you very much, but very differently than when they were little. Sometimes it’s harder for mothers to keep up with this.

I actually think camps send updates and pics too often. This allows parents to helicopter from afar and gives the kids the impression that this is preferred. My child used to get insulted that I never looked at the camp updates. I maintain that I don’t need to share all my child’s experiences in camp. If the kids want to show me pics of specific experiences when they get home and feel that is a fun way to recap, I will look then. Camps allow kids good Shabbos calls now (which I don’t really consider necessary either), and in a true emergency, I’d get a call. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t send my kid.

Op, is this your first summer sending to camp? Write letters every day. That should help you. And remind yourself that your child will come back fine.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:12 am

giftedmom wrote:

Missing my ten year old so much. I hate this. I want him home with me. He called me last night crying. He is way too young for this.

Ten years is not necessarily too young, it’s totally child dependent. I’m guessing you thought he could handle it. He likely can. Give it time.

amother

Thistle

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:14 am

mummiedearest wrote:

I actually think camps send updates and pics too often. This allows parents to helicopter from afar and gives the kids the impression that this is preferred. My child used to get insulted that I never looked at the camp updates. I maintain that I don’t need to share all my child’s experiences in camp. If the kids want to show me pics of specific experiences when they get home and feel that is a fun way to recap, I will look then.

You win for most bizarre take of the day.

amother

Hyacinth

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:17 am

I understand the feeling but its something as parents we need to work on. Codependency, overparenting, hovering etc all make for problems down the line. Very often the kids who had parents with these tendencies, are the ones who have less to do with their parents when they are adults. We need to let our kids go and forge their independence.

keym

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:21 am

Im wondering if theres a difference between when the child begged for it vs school/community standard or requirement.

I never sent my kids to camp before they were 14. They wanted it badly at that time. I felt that they were mature enough. I missed them but I'm never felt wrong.

But if I would have felt compelled to send them at 11 or 12, I hear where OP would feel like this.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:23 am

amother OP wrote:

I was just sharing my perspective. Sorry if it didn’t help you.
Yes it would be cool to get pictures. A therapist I follow once posted her kids camp takes pics and she made a sign with her kid to subtly let her know if there are any problems (ie. touching her cheek with her fist signals she’s having a hard time)

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:25 am

Just to add- what does a thirteen year need her parent for on day to day basis that is harmful if you’re not around or there to talk to her for the week?
What do you think she needs you for?
Was she excited for camp?

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:27 am

amother Thistle wrote:

You win for most bizarre take of the day.

I know, it’s not the norm these days. But I want my children to have some experiences that are truly theirs. My kids are growing up with peers who share everything via social media, and I want them to understand that they should value the ability to share at their own discretion. It’s ok to have fun without parents keeping an eye on them from afar.

amother

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:41 am

amother Bronze wrote:

So honestly one of my kids was thrilled to go and will IyH be fine and I’m not super stressed. The other was super beyond anxious. Had a rough year in school, and this could either be amazing, or totally a bad experience. We didn’t force camp, but I wouldn’t say he was enthusiastic to go at all. He went more because it was the expected thing to do, and staying home didn’t seem appealing bec there’s no day camp that age that is fun. That’s the one I’m most worried about.

amother

Thistle

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:44 am

mummiedearest wrote:

Spotting a picture of your kid boating is not invasive, nor does it take away from their experience whatsoever. By telling your child "I enjoyed seeing a picture of you boating, it makes me happy to see you having such a nice time!" you're showing your child how much you love and care about them. Yes of course if there was a 24 hour livestream that would be invasive. But not caring to even open the updates and peruse the pictures sends the message I don't care about you while your gone, nor care to spot a picture of you enjoying your time in camp, nor do I miss you.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:47 am

No, you are not the only one. I miss my son too, he's away at sleepaway camp for the first time. The first few days, I had knots I my stomach. But I spoke to the camp mother and he's ok. I'm happy he's having a blast but I can't wait to have him back!

mizle10

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:48 am

giftedmom wrote:

Missing my ten year old so much. I hate this. I want him home with me. He called me last night crying. He is way too young for this.

10 is not the same as a teen! It's really very young.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:54 am

amother Thistle wrote:

Each kid will take things differently. This child now comes home with an idea of what she wants to tell me about instead of assuming I saw it all two weeks ago. It’s really ok. If I felt the need to check up on my kids, I wouldn’t send them to overnight camp.

ETA: it’s not spotting your kid boating. It’s sifting through hundreds of pics daily to see one or two images of your child having fun. Camps ask that parents notify them if they don’t see their child every couple of days. It’s way too much involvement imo.

mizle10

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:57 am

mummiedearest wrote:

If you went on a woman's tour for 2 weeks in Europe and DH didn't even open the emails sent by the tour while you were gone would u feel respected or not missed?