S/o kollel ppl should live simply

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:12 pm

You can live however you want.
Just don't flaunt or instill in your kids that you are very in to gashmyus & brands, or an attitude that you are better or frummer than others.
That said, husband learning in kollel does not mean that the family is living a torah lifestyle & has a torah home. And family who's husband/father is working, can have a true torah home & torah lifestyle.

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why do so many people say this???? Why can’t I be comfortable and have my husband sit and learn?

Of course you can. But it can be done in an appropriate discreet manner and does not need to be flaunted to others.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:13 pm

To some people sitting in kollel = no income
so they cant handle it that theres a whole generation of people who sit and do "nothing" + go on vacations while others work very hard and cant afford vacations

Do I make sense?

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:14 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Of course you can. But it can be done in an appropriate discreet manner and does not need to be flaunted to others.

This isn’t exclusive to kollel

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:15 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

Who’s doing “nothing”? The wife who is working to support her family now or her husband who is “working to support his family in olam haba?”

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

This isn’t exclusive to kollel

True. But the others aren't promoting themselves as living the authentic Torah lifestyle.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why do so many people say this???? Why can’t I be comfortable and have my husband sit and learn?

If you can afford it and aren't living like a wealthy person off other peoples charity go right ahead.

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Who’s doing “nothing”? The wife who is working to support her family now or her husband who is “working to support his family in olam haba?”

Huh? Everyone has to work on their own olam haba! Kollel families don't automatically get more olam haba than others.
A man that works long hours, and makes sure to learn afew hours a day, doesn't automatically get less olam Haba then a kollel guy.

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Who’s doing “nothing”? The wife who is working to support her family now or her husband who is “working to support his family in olam haba?”

Both of which non kollel couples do too - yet still both work very hard for their income

amother

Birch

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:18 pm

It’s because most people in kollel can’t afford it, so presumably if you’re living in a kollel community, you’d be doing things that most people in the community can’t. For example, there’s just something very off about a very fancy new Tesla sitting on a block next to the 2008 beat up Camrys. Or your kids wearing designer while their friends wear GAP. You’re supposed to fit into your community.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:18 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

True. But the others aren't promoting themselves as living the authentic Torah lifestyle.

Why does my husband sitting in kollel mean that I’m promoting any sort of life style? He loves to learn and we’re able to make it work atm. I’m not trying to tell anyone that I’m any better than them or that my torah life is more authentic than someone working. We’re just doing what works for us. I shouldn’t live nicely and go on vacation because of that?

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:20 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Both of which non kollel couples do too - yet still both work very hard for their income

Of course it’s not taking away from anyone’s olam haba. Just explaining the comment about doing “nothing”

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

This isn’t exclusive to kollel

Correct
That said, once people know your are kollel family you are also up for more responsibility than the rest of us.
With the position comes responsibility. People may look up to your and they may judge you harsher.
Facts of life.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Who’s doing “nothing”? The wife who is working to support her family now or her husband who is “working to support his family in olam haba?”

The wife works by those other families too that cant afford vacations

Just saying how people look at it. My dh used to be in kollel nd there was a lot of shmoozing there as well it was much more relaxing. and then those same families buy million dollar houses while my dh is working and I live in a hole in the wall

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can live however you want. Just with the right attitude.
Don't give off an attitude or boast that you're superior or better than others.
Don't tell your kids that you're frummer than others.
Don't show your kids that gashmyus, brands, clothing... are important in life.
Don't be consumed with gashmyus, clothing, vacations....

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:22 pm

I don't think anyone has a problem with people being comfortable. I think people have a problem with what they perceive to be excessive consumerism(sometimes on the cheshbon of others)by people who by definition are being Moser nefesh for Torah by supposedly eschewing a lifestyle of excessive gashmius in favour of a more austere and spiritual life style.

I don't claim to know what exactly constitutes excessive materialism, nor do I claim to know what exactly mesiras nefesh entails, but I believe that this dissonance is what people take issue with.

amother

Junglegreen

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:23 pm

What I don’t understand is why when people are suffering financially they are upset that Kollel people they know don’t look like their suffering.
They blame their suffering on Kollel people as if the kollel families are taking away what is theirs.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:23 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

As anyone should

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

To be in kollel is a privilege. Any privilege comes with responsibility. I.e. a member of a royal family has to take serious considerations for his daily activities simply because of his privileged status. If you have the privilege of being in kollel, then you represent that lifestyle.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't go on vacation. It means that you don't talk about it to everyone and post pics for the world to see. Quietly and discreetly, and modestly - as per the Torah guidelines. (The very Torah that your dh is spending his days learning.)