What's the going rate?

amother ↓

Sun, Jun 01 2008, 10:04 pm

Just curious, what do people give as a Bar Mitzvah gift ($ value)?

1. if invited to a kiddush
2. if invited to a shabbos lunch
3. if invited to an evening affair

Do you give significantly different amounts to close friends than acquaintances?

Do you give significantly more if it is a fancy meal vs. a more modest meal?

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Jun 01 2008, 10:54 pm

A general range would be good.

I want to know if I'm cheap or generous or average.

I would say I range from $80 - $180 depending on type of affair. I also give more to close friends.

Does that sound reasonable?

(I'm not from NY)

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Jun 01 2008, 10:56 pm

I think you're being generous!!!

We buy our wedding gifts from Amazing Savings. (we're on the east coast)
We buy nice serving dishes or trifle bowls from them, and give as wedding gifts.
Bar Mitzvah's we give a sefer. Usually around $18 sefer (cost)

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 8:03 am

Sorry, but I am so surprised to hear this. Don't you feel obligated to give a nice gift when you know the hosts are spending upwards of $40 - $100 per plate?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 8:19 am

amother wrote:

Sorry, but I am so surprised to hear this. Don't you feel obligated to give a nice gift when you know the hosts are spending upwards of $40 - $100 per plate?

wow! It costs that much for a bar mitzvah?

↑ Raisin ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 8:40 am

amother wrote:

Sorry, but I am so surprised to hear this. Don't you feel obligated to give a nice gift when you know the hosts are spending upwards of $40 - $100 per plate?

Unless the parents are using the gifts to pay for the bar mitzva, why should that be your criteria? So if your poor neighbours made a small simple affair for their son, you would give them a small gift? and your millionaire neighbour made a lavish party costing $200 a person, you would give a big gift?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 8:46 am

Don't you feel obligated to give a nice gift when you know the hosts are spending upwards of $40 - $100 per plate?

No if I want to pay for my meal I will go out to eat when I want and where I want.

As a bal simcha myself I dont want anyone to "pay" for thier meal.

greenfire ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 8:48 am

Raisin wrote:

amother wrote:

Sorry, but I am so surprised to hear this. Don't you feel obligated to give a nice gift when you know the hosts are spending upwards of $40 - $100 per plate?

isn't that ironic ... the rich get bigger presents and probably even keep them - the poor get lesser and pitch in for the event Confused

how about keep a standard for a boy of 13 ... unless you are a close relative - $10 - $36 since you sound like you can afford it ...

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 12:36 pm

Um, am I correct in reading these posts as a criticism for attempting to be generous? Sheesh.

Of course I don't give a measly gift to someone who makes a simple simcha, but I just think in my community the standard is a bit higher of what people give.

Do I dare ask what people give as a wedding gift?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 12:42 pm

I remember getting a wedding gift from Amazing Savings some garbage dish and my husband and I still talk about that cheap dish. For a wedding you should not be giving under $72 and that's very low bec. most peopel give over $100. I give $50 for a bar mitzvah and $100 for close family.

↑ greenfire

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 1:04 pm

wow - not everybody was born with a silver spoon in their mouth ...

why bother asking us if you're gonna call us cheap ...

give them whatever you feel like and flaunt your riches elsewhere instead of here ...

OldYoung

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 2:45 pm

amother wrote:

For a wedding you should not be giving under $72? I got plenty of wedding presents that were smaller than that either in dollar amounts, or value, from in-towners, out-of-towners, relatives, non-relatives and I didn't think there was anything wrong with that! I thought it was sweet of them to enhance our Simcha in whichever way they felt was most appropriate. I think it's a little bit of a Chutzpah and a not such great "attitude" to 'expect' above a certain amount... shock

chaylizi

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

people oot give what they can afford. people here invite close friends & family to their simchos & people bring themselves to share in it. in my experience people don't judge gifts received. not everyone can afford $100 per present. especially if they are close with many people in the same city & get invited to lots of simchos. it also helps to keep in mind that some people have trouble paying their bills & putting food on the table, you can never tell who these people are. I'm happy I live somewhere that people care more whether you came, then what you gave.

Mommy3.5

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 10:49 pm

Most people who invite me to a wedding want me there to enhance their simcha, not to pay for my food. I give a gift, that I can afford, and that fits my budget. I think there are very few people who expect back in gifts what they are spending on their guests.

I also think it is incredibly rude to expect all people you invited to spend 40-100.00 on a gift, because you want to have a pricy simcha.