How to invite properly

dr pepper ↓

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 12:13 am

I need to get a trundle bed, but for now we just have one full size bed for guests. Some of our friends wouldn't care and sleep in the same bed all the time, but for those that don't, how would I properly word a shabbos invite? I don't want to get into people's business, but that's inevitable. Should I just not invite people?

mumoo ↓

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 12:18 am

If you invite a couple, you need to have two beds (or one bed and cot, couch, or air mattress...). Whether they use them is only their business. It's not tznius to have to tell the host "this Shabbos we need two beds, but next Shabbos we're back in action."

↑ dr pepper

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 12:20 am

OK what about when people invite themselves over, or ask us week after week when they can come? Isn't it weird to keep saying sorry, not this week. They'll think we're avoiding them.

Ima'la

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 12:41 am

Just tell them - sorry, we'd love to have you, but unfortunately, we don't have accommodations for couples right now.

My husband and I were once put up on a bunkbed! We didn't mind, but we thought it was a bit strange. (Also I think there are diff. opinions as to whether that's ok during nida)

↑ mumoo

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 1:14 am

if someone is inviting themselves to you, you can reply by explaining you have only one full guest bed
that's different from inviting first and obligating them to answer you by divulging privacy

Raisin

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 8:00 am

Maybe you could buy a cheap foam mattress, which you can keep under the double. You can leave it there with sheets etc and your guests don't need to tell you if they used it or not.

amother

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 8:16 am

Quote:

My husband and I were once put up on a bunkbed! We didn't mind, but we thought it was a bit strange. (Also I think there are diff. opinions as to whether that's ok during nida

My dh and I were also put up on a bunkbed during shana rishona and The door had to be opened to let in air conditioning (they invited us midsummer) WHAT WHERE THEY THINKING?

Mishie ↓

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 8:29 am

I have the same problem.
We have a Queen Sized bed for guests. We usually only have family over for Shabbos (either my married bro. or DH's married Sibs.)
We told them once, that we only have a Queen Bed, so they just keep that in mind when they invite themselves over.

But, when we can (that is, if DH and I aren't using the extra bed) then we put it in as an extra bed for the guests.

Speaking of getting weird sleeping arrangements when being guests - When DH and I were newlyweds we went away for Rosh-Hashana, they put us in SEPERATE ROOMS!!!! shock

mimsy7420

Fri, Dec 22 2006, 10:08 am

Mishie wrote:

Speaking of getting weird sleeping arrangements when being guests - When DH and I were newlyweds we went away for Rosh-Hashana, they put us in SEPERATE ROOMS!!!! shock

I think you just need to buy a cheap mattress and keep it next to the bed or under the bed, and the guests can use it if they want to.

Motek

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 9:34 pm

Mishie wrote:

Speaking of getting weird sleeping arrangements when being guests - When DH and I were newlyweds we went away for Rosh-Hashana, they put us in SEPERATE ROOMS!!!! shock

And you said nothing? shock

↑ Mishie

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 2:06 am

Quote:

And you said nothing?

Actually, we did!!!
But they just giggled, and thought we were being Cutesy-Lovey-Dovey newlyweds.

(I think they assumed that because you can't be intimate on R"H, then you also sleep in seperate rooms or something..... They were a TAD strange - for the meal, they had the men and woman sit at seperate tables...)

In the end, my DH brought a mattress to the living room (for himself) and placed it near the bed where he was told to sleep.
It was SO embarrassing!!!!

Last edited by Mishie on Sun, Dec 24 2006, 8:54 am; edited 1 time in total

DefyGravity

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 7:33 am

I think you should just tell the couple that we'd love to have you, but we only have a full-sized mattress. That way it's up to them to say, "oh, it's ok, we don't mind," or "We'll just come another time."

Tila

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 2:16 pm

I tell them what to expect, but I always offer our bedroom and sleep in the basement.