I smacked my daughter. Hard. :( Update pg 19

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 9:57 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Ok so you see children as monsters waiting to hurt the adults around them. I see them as beautiful human being who are learning and making mistakes.
I see I can't change your opinion. But I will still answer for those who might be confused.

Yes, a child of 7 knows its not correct. Which makes me as an adult unserstand that she has a reason for doing it. She doesn’t have yet all the skills adults have to help herself. Shes tired and hungry and probably frustrated about something. If she would be an adult she might have said. Mom I had such a hard day today and didn't eat since 12. And then being an adult she can cut an apple for herself and eat it.
A 7 yo cannot do this yet! Please let kids be kids and let's help them grow not stunt their growth.

The mother said I will do it in a minute.

If a 7 y.o. cannot wait a minute without pinching and pulling up her mothers skirt

That is a 7 y.o. who was never punished.

That 7 y.o. would not attack her teacher because she knows there would be consequences ( not hit, but maybe kicked out of school).

But she knows she can get away with hitting her mother, that's why she does it.
She can control herself around people she knows will get her in big trouble.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:03 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Ignoring my children now. I don't feel comfortable around them. All my healing, and how children really are precious, went down the drain. My husband is doing everything now.

Scared what happens if my child hits me. I'm terrified. Would they even be able to do Teshuva?

That's misinformation. The Torah is talking about an adult child who punches their parent badly enough to draw blood while being warned of the consequences by two other adult men.

Not a dysregulated child. Children are completely blameless in Jewish law. Not till they're 12 or 13 or even 20 are they held responsible for anything. Because Hashem knows that childhood and even adolescence are set up for children to learn through making mistakes.

Your healing did not go down the drain. You got triggered. You can get off this thread and practice centering yourself and you'll start to feel better.

Please do. You don't deserve to suffer from reading this thread. You don't have to read it. You can close it and walk away. You can block the whole forum for a few days. You can find your peace again.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:04 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Why did she do it?

Because she knows she can get away with it.

What does she need?

A punishment that will deter her.

And teaching her what a serious aveirah hitting a parent is - Chayav Misa.

Are your grandchildren bad people? Just waiting to see how much bad stuff they can get away with?

My children want to do the right thing. It's hard for them to make good judgments and control their feelings because they're still young. They make a lot of mistakes in the process. But inside their good people who want to do the right thing.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:07 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Thank you for acknowledging that some children need punishment.

Many posters here do not agree and stated the child should not be punished at all.

No, I do not believe in punishing for mistakes or not learning fast enough.

I am a SEIT and have taught children with DS to read. I am very patient

But when a child who knows better does something really terrible there has to be adequate consequences that will deter.

What if you would look at this little girl like the down syndrome children to teach? And realize she needs some extra patience to learn to regulate her emotions better?

Just like learning disabled kids aren't really disabled. If you work hard enough, you can teach them too. Kids who struggle to control their feelings aren't disabled either. They just need more help.

It's not enough for them to know that an action is wrong. They also have to know how to control their feelings when they get so big. It takes many years to learn that. That's what childhood is all about.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 10:08 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Most of my grandchildren are very well behaved.

There is one who used to be chutzpadik but BH stopped. His parents punished.

In a different family there is a child who bullies his siblings. It really upsets me to see him make them cry so often. I wish his parents would be stricter with him.

↑ Giraffe ↓

Yesterday at 10:08 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Thanks but I remember a story of how someone did something that deserves capital punishment but there was only one valid witness, not enough to condemn. But the culprit died at the hands of heaven.

I want to know if teshuva is even possible? Or a child just gets put down like how aggressive animals get put down.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 10:12 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Because she is NOT disabled.

This little girl is BH normal girl who is out of control because she never was punished.

I am sure OP told her many times nicely how to behave.

For some children punishment is necessary.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:13 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Teshuva is always possible. Hashem isn't like your parents. He's like the parent you're trying to be. Loving and compassionate and understanding and forgiving.

In Torah law, children are never punished and adults are never punished for what they did as children.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 10:15 pm

buspickup wrote:

Best bubby are your grown children happy that u potched them?

I only potched one child maybe two times.

No child ever hit me.

Not all children need it.

BH I had easy children.

Have wonderful relationship and with my inlaw kids and my grandkids - see my SN.

But I am horrified by how some children behave especially towards parents.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:16 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

She's not disabled. Her dysregulation is quite age-appropriate for a 7-year-old. She doesn't need to be punished because she acted out when she was so dysregulated. She needs help so that she doesn't get dysregulated as frequently. When she's calm, she's a good little girl who behaves nicely. She wants to be calm, because she wants to be good. She just needs help getting there.

Telling someone nicely isn't a powerful parenting skill. Hitting is ineffective but so is simply not hitting and not parenting. What is effective is strategic and compassionate parenting skills.

For 7-year-old, the mother can be sure to have food ready when she comes home. And the mother can start to teach her that she comes home hangry and needs to eat first. But what if food is not ready? Then the child can learn to recognize that she's getting upset. She can learn to ask for a break or a soothing toy or treat. She can learn to calm down and access her best self.

The child did not learn the importance of calming down. She learned that her mommy gets upset too and lashes out. Just like her.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 10:26 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

No, it is not normal for a 7 y.o. to pinch and pull up her mothers skirt because her mother said I will help you in a minute.

It is children who are not punished who act this way.

This child CAN control herself.
This child never acts this way to her teachers because she knows she can't get away with it

She acts this way with her mother because she can get away with it.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Thu, Jan 09 2025, 10:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Turquoise

Yesterday at 10:26 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

On pg. 12 I listed many links to parents who said their child hit them

And every one of those parents don't potch.

I never read a thread where a parent who potched was hit by her child. Never.

There are easy children who don't need punishment

And there are difficult children who do need punishment.

Just telling difficult children "you are not allowed to hit" obviously doesn't work

Did you not read about my dh threatened to stab his father if he hit him one more time ?

↑ Giraffe ↓

Yesterday at 10:28 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Thank you