I smacked my daughter. Hard. :(

amother

↑ Brown

Today at 10:04 am

[quote="amother Cobalt"]I don't punish. Why do you think other punishments are better than potching?[/quote

Not cruel punishments, but reasonable and age appropriate.
Like getting sent out of the room.

My point was that Bestbubby thinks if you don't potch there is no concept of authority and kids rule the house, and that's not the case.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Today at 10:06 am

I am trying to find posts from parents whose kids hit them.

They are ALL from parents who never potch. Here is one on 15 y.o. hits mother, insults mother

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....26019

14 y.o. hitting mother

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....49345

12 y.o. hits mother because only got $30 for Chanukah present

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....78337

13 y.o. hits parents and siblings a few times a week, call parents idiot

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....67418

12 y.o. violent

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....76577

Another one

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....15871

Another one

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....23979

Another one

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....35720

Another one

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....19008

Another one

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....37900

Last edited by #BestBubby on Thu, Jan 09 2025, 10:47 am; edited 9 times in total

amother

Vanilla ↓

Today at 10:06 am

piz1 wrote:

So you can all say I am from the old generation but being that I raised B"H a large family maybe my 2 cents is worth something. Apologising to a child for giving a smack has no origin in Yiddishkeit, contrary to the beliefs of our so called enlightened younger generation! Also giving the actual smack is NOT a crime as so many of you seem to believe. When this generation are raising teenagers who have endless entitlement and mental health issues maybe its time to rethink what is the cause. Maybe a bit of tough chinuch when they are younger instead of teaching them that its all about them might do the trick. A child who recieves a smack might rethink such behaviour, apologising gives them permision to go a step further next time.

Just wanted to address this point. Can't look it up now but IIRC, Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuva says that one who hits his child in anger (meaning harder or more times than he would have had he not been angry at all), it is the same aveira as if he hit any random person.

Don't think he wrote this far, but in Yiddishkeit it is well known that in general if you hit a person (excluding extenuating circumstances) you need to do teshuva which includes apologizing to the person you harmed. As far as I know there is no source that your own child is excluded in this general principal.

amother

Turquoise

Today at 10:11 am

#BestBubby wrote:

My husband got hit by his father all the time . Once when he was 15 he (my husband) took out a knife and told his father that if he comes close he’s going to stab him. I guess my fil and his hitting methods really turned my husband into a true mentch .

amother

↑ Teal

Today at 10:13 am

amother Turquoise wrote:

And this is just 1 reason out of many why the torah forbids hitting out of anger. Because the child may retaliate.
Even hitting for chinuch and not out of anger, shouldn't be done if there's a chance that the child may retaliate.

amother

Oldlace ↓

Today at 10:39 am

To all those who say that you have to hit in order to have authority as a parent:

Teachers have not been allowed to hit for many years. And plenty of teachers have full authority despite not hitting. How does that work?

(Don't tell me that some teachers have no authority and control. I'm talking about the ones who do. And there are many of those.)

When they stopped allowing teachers to hit the same argument was made that you can't discipline children without hitting them. Turns out the good teachers maintain their authority without any physical force.

amother

↑ IndianRed

Today at 11:07 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I also remember a specific example of being hit so hard it left a black and blue mark and I dont remember why . Once as an adult my father did apologize when I brought it up and it was very healing . I have a much better relationship with my father in general because he is willing to listen and apologize. In general he was always my safe parent , even as a kid . Even though my mother gave a lot more hugs and kisses (she was around us more )

I had countless black and blue marks over the years from my moms attacks and I always thought that its not physical abuse because I wasnt bleeding usually like I dont have much scars

↑ wrkngmomof2 ↓

Today at 2:09 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Lol you are using this forum as a guide for parenting? To see damage of children who are hit vs those who are not hit?
Go to your nearest mental health facility and take a poll there. Then, go to a substance abuse facility and take that same poll. Lastly, go to the parents of children that died of Overdose and ask them how they felt about parenting vs how they feel now.

For all those waiting to bite my head off, I’m not saying parents that hit mean children will overdose but I am saying that chances are, the majority of the children that suffer and are in pain had parents that hit.

Children need love and connection, teenagers need parents that they feel comfortable with to open up. The old ways of, “ I am the parent and you are the child therefore I am right and you are wrong” are long gone bh.

Unfortunately many of us are walking around with the damage that this done but it’s up to us to stop the cycle.

Giraffe ↓

Today at 2:19 pm

When I was beaten by my parents, even for things I did not do, I just went on to beat my younger sister. Because might means right after all.

I have tons of regrets and my sister is very crazy now.

Children are a gift from Hashem to beat up because they are garbage after all. And this is sarcasm for those who need it spelled out since you all reported me last time for my sarcasm.

↑ sequoia

Today at 2:25 pm

Giraffe wrote:

The pain comes through clearly in your posts.

Wishing you and your family healing.

I feel like I’m repeating myself but these threads are so heartbreaking.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Today at 3:53 pm

wrkngmomof2 wrote:

Because you people are saying that all potch is abuse,

Therefore you lump people who potch responsibly with the worst abusers

And then say "see it's harmful"

When you are mixing apples with oranges.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 4:02 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

There is no such thing as responsible potching.
It’s all harmful on a spectrum.
Bh it’s not considered acceptable parenting anymore.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Today at 4:20 pm

amother Turquoise wrote:

No one is talking about hitting kids all the time.

You are comparing apples to oranges

↑ wrkngmomof2 ↓

Today at 4:30 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Can you tell me that you never potched any of your children out of anger? That it was always thought out and perfectly calm?