I smacked my daughter. Hard. :( Update pg 19

amother

↑ Vanilla

Yesterday at 4:30 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

No one is talking about hitting kids all the time.

You are comparing apples to oranges

I personally was hit as a punishment, not all the time, not too hard, not excessively. Hitting was also used as a threat. I believe it did traumatize me in ways I'm not even fully aware. I don't think it was good for me in the long run. I'm not planning on hitting my kids when I have.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 4:46 pm

amother Brown wrote:

[quote="[url=https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=8139546#8139546][b][color=black]

My point was that Bestbubby thinks if you don't potch there is no concept of authority and kids rule the house, and that's not the case.

It is possible to be strict without potching.

But the parents who think that one potch is abuse, even when child physically assaults,

Those parents don't believe that parents have any authority

You see in their posts that they equate if it wrong for a child to hit a parent than it is equally wrong (or worse) for a parent to potch a child.

All these posters ( and they are many) do not believe parents have any authority at all.

Parents are just servants to their children.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Aquamarine ↓

Yesterday at 7:13 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It strikes me as interesting that you call a child hitting a parent assault when the child is weaker and their brains aren't developed fully. But you say that it's not abuse if a parent hits their child. The parent is stronger and the child is dependant on them for survival.
It doesn't need a label for it to be an obviously not good thing.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Yesterday at 7:13 pm

There are so many first hand accounts in this thread alone showing how painful and damaging being hit was. All parents around the world, potching is outdated and damaging.

There are much better techniques.

You don’t want your kid to be in therapy from your hurtful parenting.

It should be common sense to not hit your own child and bH it’s not considered an acceptable form of chinuch anymore.

Let’s stop accepting it as a legitimate form of parenting and not minimize the damage and havoc that it causes.

Erase the Potch. Who wants to sponsor the first ad?

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Yesterday at 7:15 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

This. It’s potching that is assault from a parent to a child. Potching is violent and aggressive behavior and no adult should ever lift a hand to a child.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 8:07 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It is worse for parents to hit a young child than for a young child to hit a parent.

Authority and potching aren't teammates.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 8:10 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Do you think a judge who puts a criminal in jail in a kidnapper?

Is a judge who fines a speeder a robber?

You don't know the difference between a wrongdoer and authority.

You people are all excusing the child who repeatedly pinched her mother and pulled up her skirt!

While the mother was justified the child needed a big punishment for such outrageous misbehavior

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 8:15 pm

The Torah authorizes a parent to potch.

The Torah says a child who hits a parent is Chayav Misa.

Therefore parents have a chiyuv toteach children to never never never never never hit a parent.

If the parent doesn't teach that and the children sin the parent will be punished.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Thu, Jan 09 2025, 8:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 8:17 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

The child didn't need to be punished. The child needed to be understood. Reprimanded perhaps. Perhaps given a small punishment. Probably not necessary.

The mother needs to change the way she does after school. When the kid comes in, mother gives her her full attention as well as a snack for a few minutes. Problem solved and everyone is happier.

The mother retains who are authority. Her authority isn't based on being stronger, it's based on being more mature and able to problem solve better.

(Full disclosure, I have potched in extreme circumstances. But this is not a situation that requires it.)

Eta: I had a typo, the mother routines her authority instead of the mother, retains her authority. But isn't that the whole point? The power of the mother to control the environment and to be in charge of the house is what her authority is. Not because she's able to potch harder.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 8:23 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

So if a husband hits his wife because dinner wasn't ready when he got home from work he is justified per Oldlace.

That is what you are teaching your children. To hit their servants ( parents) if they don't drop everything and serve them.

↑ wrkngmomof2 ↓

Yesterday at 8:27 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Thanks. My whole body was so down today. Good to know there are lines drawn.

I’m sorry, I can imagine that many of the harsh comments here are very triggering for you.
Last night I got so worked up reading the ridiculous comments here. I thought we were in a better place with the way we raise our children, it’s very scary to see that many are still very very in the dark. My heart goes out to their children.
I myself am still working on getting over my childhood at age 44. Parents can build and parents can destroy. Let’s choose to build!

↑ wrkngmomof2

Yesterday at 8:29 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Are you a real person saying these things or is this entertainment for you? To say things and watch for a reaction? You want to see drama right? You don’t truly believe this garbage right?

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 8:31 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I did not say that. The child is wrong. And needs to be taught the right thing to do.
Do you know what the Hebrew word for teaching a lesson is?
Musur. As in יסר בנך כי יש תקוה. Which is presumably your source.
It means to teach a lesson. Punishment can be used if necessary but only if needed.
The mother should tell her daughter that she did the wrong thing by hitting her mother. And teach her the right thing to do instead.
And then set up the house so the daughter will do the right thing. Children want to be good. They want to do the right thing. They need to be set up for success.

A husband raised this way would turn to his wife and say, I get really hungry when I get home. Can we brainstorm a solution so that dinner is ready? Something that'll work for both of us? Maybe you could have an apple ready on the table when I get home and I could help you with the kids and then you could serve dinner? Because that's what they saw their mother doing. That's how they learn to deal with people not meeting their expectation. And because his mother treated him with respect, he's more likely to treat other people with respect.

If he hits his wife to terrorize her, I'm going to bet that his father terrorized his mother who terrorized him. And he learned that the only way to get your underlings to listen is by brute force.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Yesterday at 8:32 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

If you accuse others of not knowing the difference between a child and an adult, you shouldn't try to draw any equivalence between a child who misbehaves and a criminal.

Last edited by chanatron1000 on Thu, Jan 09 2025, 8:36 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 8:32 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

No we are teaching them it is not ok to hit another person.