Are you supposed to feed guests on Friday?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 2:53 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

It's the food you would have eaten Friday night, they're just eating it Friday afternoon instead. Not necessarily more expensive.

Now I understand when people say they only serve challah, fish and soup on Friday night. Noones eating past that because of course they're stuffed.

I’m not sure how anyone is thinking the special foods l’kavod Shabbos are ok to be eaten on Friday. We say “l’kavod Shabbos kodesh,” not “l’kavod Friday.”

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 2:55 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I’m not sure how anyone is thinking the special foods l’kavod Shabbos are ok to be eaten on Friday. We say “l’kavod Shabbos kodesh,” not “l’kavod Friday.”

I agree. I don't get it either.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 2:57 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

We must not know the same people or we have different calculations. If I had to go away for shabbos in the winter I’d be picked up at work at 2 to get there 3, 3:30. My kids will have eaten lunch regular time. We can all have a snack in the car if need be and can Bh all eat dinner as usual at 6/7pm. In my home shabbos food is for shabbos. We don’t eat shabbos food before shabbos. If my guests were ‘starving’ I’d offer granola bar or fruit oe yogurt: same thing I’d offer my own kids

Most frum people hold not to leave travel for later Friday afternoon. We’d leave at lunchtime after everyone is back from school, and that’s what most of our guests do too. I never have people walking in late afternoon on a short Shabbos.

And we don’t either eat any fleishigs on Friday, nor do we have substantial meals Friday afternoon but I definitely offer/serve my guests something to hold them over until the night Seuda (Kugel, cake…). I think it’s rude not to…

amother

↑ Candycane

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 2:58 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I’m not sure how anyone is thinking the special foods l’kavod Shabbos are ok to be eaten on Friday. We say “l’kavod Shabbos kodesh,” not “l’kavod Friday.”

Right? In my family, we try not to eat full meals on Friday (besides breakfast) to be extra hungry for Shabbos Wink

Like, I get having a piece of kugel here and there to taste it, but kugel, schnitzel, meat boards coffee, tea, dessert 2 hours before Shabbos takes away from the enjoyment of the Shabbos food.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:00 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Right. This sounds normal to me.

I see part of the issue of the disagreement here is that there are those who are used to this concept of Toamehu and those who are not.
If it's your norm to wolf down kugels an hour or so before candle lighting and you get to somebody's house and there is no kugel for you at 4 PM, ok it's disappointing, maybe surprising. But you shouldn't be starving if you ate lunch.

Other issue....
If you didn't eat lunch, why not?

And...
if you're showing up at your host's house at lunch time, expecting to be fed lunch.... why? Why come so early? Why put this burden on your host?

Your exaggerations are irrelevant. Who said anything about ‘wolfing down kugels?’ As I said, we do not eat fleishigs on Friday nor do we have a lot of food late on Friday afternoon. But I do think it’s only mentshlich to offer guests, especially those who don’t live nearby and have been traveling, A PIECE of Kugel, and/or a piece of cake, and even a slice of pizza or cereal for the kids…

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:01 pm

amother Blue wrote:

Interesting question.

We went to relatives for Shabbos a couple of weeks ago. Four hour drive and we arrived around 1 pm.

I was surprised that no lunch was served (I would have brought with our own, but assumed they would prepare.)

There was a little bit of cake but nothing more substantial.

Exactly my point, I don’t think this is ok.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:03 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

I think it’s a Hungarian thing to prepare toyamahu and to make sure guests have enough food.

Honestly for me it’s part of hosting. I always make sure to have kugel, ferfel, deli roll, cake, mini meat pizza rounds and more.
By the time we have the meal no one is interested in eating more than a little challa, salmon and soup. I find that people have a bigger appetite Friday afternoon.

We once got invited to DH’s friend for a shabbes and they served the meal VERY scarce and very calculated. We all got a sliver of challa, tiny piece of salmon and soup. There was nothing left for seconds, and no this is nothing to do with not having money to cook. It’s just her type.
I was starving as we had traveled quite a bit and I was munching on some nuts in my room that I had taken along for the way. I was probably hungrier because there was no extra morsel of food in sight.
Since then I made a pact that whenever we invite guest it includes Friday afternoon food as well, I’d rather have lots of food and make everyone feel comfortable and at home than be so calculated.

Why are the only 2 choices a full Shabbos-type meal including meat which many hold not to eat on Friday, and starving until the Shabbos Seuda? How about a slice of pareve Kugel or a slice of cake and a drink?

↑ Cheiny

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:08 pm

amother Candycane wrote:

Right? In my family, we try not to eat full meals on Friday (besides breakfast) to be extra hungry for Shabbos Wink

Like, I get having a piece of kugel here and there to taste it, but kugel, schnitzel, meat boards coffee, tea, dessert 2 hours before Shabbos takes away from the enjoyment of the Shabbos food.

Yes. Like I said, I think that’s in line with thinking it’s ok for every Tom, d!ck and Harry finding a siyum to crash every night of the 9 days so they can eat meat…

amother

↑ Mayflower

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:26 pm

Cheiny wrote:

we must know different people. or have different definitions of ‘travel’ I don’t know anyone who can take a whole day off from work in order to go away for shabbos.