Do you enjoy yom tov or struggle

amother

Apple

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 1:27 pm

When I worked FT I enjoyed YT but the constant kids home and the lack of schedule was a struggle.

Now I'm a SAHM and I enjoy YT but the constant kids home and the lack of schedule is a struggle.

Make of that what you will.

amother

Wandflower

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 2:26 pm

I'm sahm.

I love yt so much, can't imagine life without it. I enjoy not feeling pressured in the morning, not rushing to dress and feed everyone in time for the bus, and not having to get out of bed bright and early. I also love having so much time to spend with dh, throughout the year, the only way I can actually hang out with him is if he takes off work or if I stay up really late at night.

At the same time, I ALSO really struggle over yt. I'm a huge introvert and most likely have ADHD. I really miss having some time and space for myself with everyone home. I also get very overwhelmed from my kids. I need structure and routine in order to function. My kids also need routine otherwise they're irritable and difficult. And I don't love cooking, serving, clearing, cleaning, again and again and again. It's hard for me.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 4:30 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I work and I love yomtov. The leisurely mornings and not having to make my kids go to school or go to work are the best. Being able to spend more time with my kids, read, socialize. Its just very restorative.

This. Exactly!

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 12:43 am

I find that my working friends have it easier. I’m a SAHM so my “job” is to take care of the house, while my working friends get cleaning ladies, get childcare and their dh does groceries. Even when the kids are off they already have a on call babysitter to take them out so they can work and cook, but I’m stuck with my kids at home, trying to do my work without help.

amother

Sunflower

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 2:39 am

It is unclear what the question is here?
Is the implication that a sample will find yomtov easier as they are used to managing the kids?
Or that working full time makes yomtov prep/cooking/shopping etc much harder?
Or that someone might struggle with not being at work because it piles up over 3 days and then you have to catch up in half a week and then a month of catch up after Tishrei?

What I'm saying is that the reasons individuals struggle or enjoy yomtov are individual to them - circumstances, personality, hosting, stage of life, how much help they have, how their husband contributes, whether they go away for yomtov etc.

For myself, I work out of the home approx 50-60 hours plus another 15-20 at home. I take off for yomtov and at least 1 day erev yomtov and do a huge cooking marathon, I don't cook on yomtov itself, the most I will do is a salad on shabbos/yomtov and I LOVE yomtov - turning off my phone, uninterrupted family time, spending time with friends, reading quietly in the evenings, sleeping in past 4.30am, no pressure to shop/sort out life admin, it is an island of peace in the whirlwind of busy life.

Take from that what you want. I hope this thread doesn't turn into another judging others lifestyle choices.

amother

↑ Mimosa

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 2:49 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

I work full time but don’t have any of that. No babysitter (we use daycare) and no cleaning help.

amother

Cherry

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 3:46 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

I work FT.
My regular cleaning lady and childcare is not available over YT. Wink

amother

Midnight

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 4:31 am

I loved yontif until I got married and had kids…
To me it used to mean helping my mother in the kitchen, decorating the succah, davening in shul, shopping for new clothes…
Now it’s cook, clean, take care of babies while my husband is in shul or enjoying the sudas with his family.

amother

Zinnia

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 4:41 am

I used to love yot when I was single. I started hating it when I got married and my husbands family constantly had drama. For a long time I used to get a pin in my stomach from it. Fast forward, I work and now I love yot. It can get intense with the kids but Iv learned not to host so much and to cook slowly in advance. This year I feel calmer than ever. The only things I have to do today is mainly baking whatever is prepared in my freezer. I also let go of not letting my kids watch. Yesterday they sat on toveedo for a few hours but I think it’s more important they experience erev yot calmly rather then stress. It also helps that I have full time help. I’m not sure if I’d feel this way if I wouldn’t have.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 4:45 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

I'm sorry. That sounds challenging.

For the record, I don't know any working women who have on babysitters and husbands getting groceries for them. Everyone I know is struggling with the days off from school and balancing work and getting ready for yt.

amother

Brass

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 5:09 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m wondering if there’s a correlation between working mothers and enjoying long Yomim tovim and stay at home mothers struggling with many days home with the kids. What do you think?

I am working.
It's a struggle but I enjoy it.

amother

↑ Pistachio

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 5:57 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

You must have very well to do friends who lucked out in finding good resources. I don’t know any working mom whose kid was at childcare yesterday. The schools were closed. My sisters and I work from home, we were on our laptops while our kids begged for our attention all day. It felt awful. Then after work, straight to cooking dinner while our kids begged for our attention some more. Bedtime, then prep for sukkos.

I don’t earn enough to have any cleaning help. My husband and I split grocery shopping pretty evenly. If we can’t go in person, we order on the grocery store’s app and have it delivered. That’s an option for you too.

amother

Jean

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 7:04 am

Of course I enjoy Yom Tov.
There's some parts that are a struggle- coming home erev YT and have to finish preparing.
Finiding babysitter the unusual times when the office is open and playgroup is closed.

Good to get back to routine

amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 16 2024, 7:19 am

I've always loved Yom Tov and it's always been a challenge. I live far from my family and Yom Tov has always exacerbated the loneliness, especially when I was a young mom. I've always worked although there have been times I extended maternity leave. I've always struggled financially and have never had cleaning or household help. But I have always loved Yom Tov, looked forward to it and put a great deal of effort into making it beautiful. As my kids are leaving the nest and come back for Yom Tov with their kids, I still love Yom Tov and I wouldn't have it any other way. The kids help with the cooking , setting up and washing up and try to maintain order. It's wonderful , but it is getting harder. I have less help before Yom Tov and most of the preps are still on me. I didn't work today, but was at work till late last night. DH does the shopping and thats amazing, but today I really felt it. My bones are are weary. But I still love Yom Tov. Bring it on...