Not informed about bris

chicco

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 4:05 pm

To echo what everyone else said and to add-

If you don't feel like you're close enough to call to wish mazel tov, why do you feel close enough to be invited to a Simcha?

I'm not sure why people feel like they need to invite all of their acquaintances to their smachot. Personally, I enjoy inviting people who actually feel the Simcha. They want to be there. All of those people are people who would pick up the phone and actually call me.

Just because you weren't invited, it doesn't mean you are not friends or that she doesn't care about you. People need to stop using invitations as a gauge to measure their popularity or the depth of their friendships. People have all sorts of cheshbonos. Don't look for reasons to be hurt.

amother

DarkYellow

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 4:17 pm

If you were inclined to get them a gift, I wouldn't think not being invited to the Bristol would get in the way. It is not a financial exchange, but a gift of love.

Certainly in my community only close friends of grandparents who also aree close to the new parents would attend a bris. Not people the grandma knows from a shiur in recent years who doesn't even know the parents.

amother

Dill

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 5:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

A woman who I have known for the past few years just became a grandmother. We have attended shiurim and some sisterhood and community events together. I have sent her info on shiurim and she sometimes comes to events that I notified her about. I found out that she had a grandson so I texted her mazel tov and so exciting. She replied thank you!!
I am disappointed that she didn’t tell me the bris info. I know that people can’t tell everyone but I was just wondering: would you invite someone like me ( someone you go to some shiurim and events) or would you strictly inform your group of people who were invited to your child’s wedding? Would you expand to allow additional people to celebrate with you? (( I would definitely give a nice gift but she wouldn’t know that).

It's not her simcha to invite you to. It's her child's simcha. She is a guest. Even if she helps she doesn't get the right to invite people.

If you don't know the child's parents you shouldn't expect an invitation.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 11:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Absolutely!!
I imagine that she didnt want to impose, not knowing that you were interested in attending the bris.

When I call to wish mazal tov, I would say, "Whens the bris, I would love to participate....What do you think the young couple needs?"

When you give a modest gift (dont go overboard, as you may look needy), you can tell her that you would love to be there for her at the next bris !!

amother

Cyan ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:21 am

amother OP wrote:

You say that you've known her a few years, but she only just became a grandmother. Unless the couple had fertility issues, it sounds like you also knew her at the time of her child's wedding, but weren't invited to the wedding, either. A bris is typically a far smaller event, so if you didn't make the cut then, it's unlikely to happen now. Maybe you feel much closer to her than she does to you?

Raizle ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:31 am

amother Cyan wrote:

...or had girls first, or lived overseas. Any number of reasons

amother

↑ Cyan

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:50 am

Raizle wrote:

...or had girls first, or lived overseas. Any number of reasons

That would apply to why there wasn't a bris before this, but the OP said that her friend just became a grandmother, implying it was the first grandbaby.

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:59 am

Idk in my circles a bris is a huge event especially the first from each family. My in laws definitely invited a lottttt of people and also my parents invited some friends. Really the norm for me… in my circles you would be invited What

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:01 am

We paid for our own brisos, and wanted to keep numbers down bc of space and money. I’d feel uncomfortable if my parents’ acquaintances showed up, especially if we were picky about who we were informing in the first place…

↑ Raizle

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:15 am

Do you even know that the bris is on time. With one of mine we had to inform people last minute because we didn't know if it would be on time. Anyway once a week at a shiur does not a close friend make