What's the going rate?

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 12:37 am

I recently gave $100 for a family bar mitzvah and was told by another relative that $500 was appropriate!! Now this other relative isn't wealthy. I was shocked. No way any kid is getting that from me, and I know our meals were expensive.

happyone

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 1:01 am

I give whatever I can afford or feel like giving. There's no way guests have to give the amount the meal costs. Everyone has different standards and guests shouldn't be pressured to give more should the affair be more lavish.

lamplighter

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 1:23 am

of course e/o should give wat they can afford, its actually commendable to live WITHIN ur means. ou are def not paying ur way into the simcha, the gift is a token, and its up to each person's individual judgement how much that is.
The amother who was appalled at the amazing savings gift, I think ur attitude is whats appalling...a gift is a gift, it means they thought of u and u shud b appreciative. I (and many others I know) got gifts under $72, and I was touched that I got those gifts altogether. Perhaps too many ppl have this high end attitude, thus creating pressure for extravagance in our frum communities....

↑ Raisin ↓

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 4:01 am

a wedding and a bar mitzva is totally different. I would be happy spending money on a nice wedding gift, but money for a bar mitzva boy? I don't agree with elaborate bar mitzvas anyway. if the parents want their son to have a nice nest egg, make a simple bar mitzva and invest the money saved.

↑ amother

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 8:05 am

"Of course I don't give a measly gift to someone who makes a simple simcha, but I just think in my community the standard is a bit higher of what people give. "

I have re-read this and I want to clarify that I didn't mean this to be read as me having a snobby, rich kid attitude. Not at all! I didn't mean "My community, of rich, wonderful people has a higher standard than you poor nebachs" - so I apologize if that's how it was read. It was just stating a fact.

This thread was started out of pure curiosity. No matter what communities we live in, there are those with more and those with less. Doesn't anybody just wonder sometimes if they give on par with their peers? It's easier to talk about it here, anonymously than to talk about it with our real friends, at least in my opinion.

justanothermother ↓

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 8:10 am

amother wrote:

...and my husband and I still talk about that cheap dish...

You need to get a life and find better things to talk about. (Sorry for the "attitude")

↑ justanothermother

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 8:12 am

greenfire wrote:

wow - not everybody was born with a silver spoon in their mouth ...

why bother asking us if you're gonna call us cheap ...

give them whatever you feel like and flaunt your riches elsewhere instead of here ...

I couldn't sit idly by while your post was criticized.

↑ Raisin

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 8:30 am

I actually think this type of question is pointless if asked anonymously, unless you are just curious. Clearly, everyone has completely different ideas of how much to spend on gifts. You really need to ask in your community. If you want to ask in a thread like this, be more specific about where you live, and what sort of circles you mingle in, eg I live in Far Rockaway and all my friends are lawyers and doctors, or I live in guatamala and everyone we know is in the rubbish collection business.