Did not have what to eat for supper today

amother

Emerald

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 12:28 am

amother Peony wrote:

Op I'm sorry you had a tough day, must be hard.
Please take my comments the right way, I'm not trying to hurt you especially not after today.
I do not believe that in 2024 in our frum communities, it's possible to go to sleep hungry.
Tuition should not be paid before food!!
You can't be too proud to accept help if you need it, it doesn't matter what's your husband's position in the community.
You don't have a single working cc? You can buy a pretty decent supper for less than $20!!!
(I'm pretty sure that if I counted all the loose change in my house and my car, I could find $20 in coins!!)

Where do you live that you never met a family that can't be hungry? I live outside of New York and I know many families that can't feed their children. It is not made up. Count your blessings. I also know families that can't pay their electric bill. They also don't have cleaning help. These things are real.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 5:31 am

If you speak to grocery stores, and tell then that you are collecting food that is not "sellable" to give to families in need, many groceries will tell you a day and time to come and give you food. It will not be a convenient time and you will not be able to choose the food but if they believe that you are giving to families in need they might give you a lot of food. I personally know 1 person who goes every motzi shabbos and gets tons (3/4 egg boxes) of bakery items that are leftovers from before shabbos. I personally know another person that gets from a grocery fruit and vegetable that is a little bruised and dips every Wednesday. They dont want to sell in the grocery store on Wednesday last weeks dips.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 5:49 am

amother Emerald wrote:

She’s saying in frum communities. I agree with what she said- it just shouldn’t happen. Tomchei shabbos exists and someone choosing not to take it is not someone who can’t feed her children, it’s someone who wont

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 5:56 am

amother Indigo wrote:

FYI Tomchei Shabbos does not exist in every city in America.

amother

Rose

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 5:56 am

amother Indigo wrote:

Not always. I've heard there are some areas where Tomchei Shabbos has financial requirements no different than government benefits has requirements. Some communities are so strained, they can't give to anyone who asks so they require financial information, etc. before adding someone to a list. OP said on page one of this thread that they don't qualify for TS.

However I agree with you that there are food pantries all over in every city in the US (for those who live there and who knows where OP is) where the basic staples are almost always kosher. The things OP mentioned are on her shopping list are mostly kosher, like pretzels, and can be obtained at any non-Jewish pantry.

amother

Lime

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 6:14 am

amother Emerald wrote:

Please don't equate not having cleaning help with not having food. That's just ridiculous.

yachnabobba

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 6:44 am

I’m in monsey lmk if you have for shabbos. I’ve been there.. never told anyone the week the gefilte fish was made of stale challah…
But it got better(then worse then better and better bh)
I’ll gladly play restaurant for you.
Don’t consider it a gift. Iyh eventually pay it forward

amother

DarkRed

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 6:48 am

gande wrote:

op this should be a wake up call to learn financial planning.

I remember getting financial advice from a rich guy: don’t let bills pile up just pay them when they come in
The idea of an emergency car repair or similar that drains everything did not occur to him
You may be a nice person but this is idiotic

amother

Steel

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 6:53 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Can I give you £50 (I have that amount of maaser money sitting in my house, I'm happy to give it tp you to make shabbos)? I can leave it in my porch and you can pick it up, I have no idea who you are. Or can I put some money on your account in a shop? Or you can spend £50 on my account in Habers? create an anonymous email and I'll send you details.

I'd love to accept you heartfelt offer. Can I...?

amother

Steel

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 6:55 am

Busybee5 wrote:

Hey, it wasn't me but I'm so sorry for your situation. Do you know who I am? How can I contact you, I can give you some cash as well as the pp offered for you. I can pay your friend back. Let me know if you have any ideas how I can do it all anonymously.

I PM'd you. It took so much courage...but sometimes we have to swallow our pride. Thank you.

amother

Steel

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 7:28 am

Busybee5 wrote:

I was just thinking that you can always go to your neighbour and ask to borrow 6 eggs. And then give it back when you can.

I'm in a diificult financial situation, the problem with borrowing even eggs is that you do have to pay back! From the next months paycheck, and the cycle starts again... Sad

But even so, I've found a very small way (a very very small way...) to help others, because hey, everyone wants to be a giver... I have a neighbour in an extremely challenging situation, not only financial, many others as well. If she knocks on to see if I have an onion to spare, or a few carrots or a cup of sugar, and asks when I need it back by, because 'she's busy and doesn't know when she's going shopping next' (she has kids old enough to run to the shops), I read the unsaid issue and tell her that I've got enough for what I need, so it's a gift.
I know it's a laughable 'giving', but who knows which Mitzvos carry weight? We don't, only H-Shem does. I can only do my little bit..

amother

Peony

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 8:01 am

amother Emerald wrote:

#1 you're right, I live in Lakewood and dk about every other town in the United States although I have siblings in different states and I've heard about a lot of chessed programs in other places as well.

#2 not sure what to make about your " no cleaning help" comment! What

We're talking about about families lacking food!!

#3 I maintain my original comment, if people in frum communities are hungry in 2024 it's because of either dysfunctional family situation, being too proud to accept help or poor management of finances.

(I'm not saying that in cases where you have to eat beans or pasta and you would rather have chicken or salmon cause it's more healthy!)

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 8:55 am

We are also in a no food or gas position,
running on credit at the grocery store.
husband couldn't go be Menachem Avel a friend as we didn't have the money for gas for the car and it's too far to walk.
Haven't run the washing machine as no laundry powder. It's very frightening.
It's tough out there these days.
We should all see yeshuahs where we need them . and have a restful shabbos .

edited to add cleaning help is a luxury (haven't had in ages)as is new clothes. we are talking basic food and gas to run the car....(which is essential in our community.)

amother

Bluebonnet

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 9:30 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

Not in this situation.
Op is giving chomesh.

At the very least, a basic emergency fund should come before that. It's not idiotic.

Cheiny

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 12:13 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

Right but in this situation I’d be inclined to disagree given that OP is refusing all offers of assistance and is trying to make it work on her own.

Exactly. When there’s a lot of help available, yet they’re turning it down, and choosing instead to albeit “reluctantly” finally agree to accept help from anonymous imas, it definitely should be verified before any well meaning but a bit naive people here start handing out cash.

The Redditt women have a field day with talking about naive (they didn’t put it as nicely) imas who automatically believe any sob story or request for help and just start handing out cash and Amazon gifts.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 12:19 pm

Cheiny wrote:

OP has not accepted any help, reluctantly or otherwise

amother

SandyBrown

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 12:29 pm

I was in this situation a few years ago.
I had no money whatsoever.
My utilities were shut off and we received a foreclosure notice from the bank.
It was truly horrible.
Those days, I used to fax in my grocery order to the local grocery store. Every few weeks they would send me a bill. At one point they told me they will not be sending me any more orders until I paid up.
So, no more food.
Definitely no new clothing.
I remember not going to pick up my shaitel because I had no money for the wash and set.
I had no money for laundry detergent. I was desperate for clean clothing so I used dish soap in my machine!
BH my kids were very young and didn’t understand what was going on.
We had old bread in the freezer and we used that for meals. Our cupboards/fridge/freezer were never completely bare. Maybe not exactly what I wanted to eat but we scrounged around.
I have no idea why I didn’t call tomchei shabbos. I guess I thought there were people worse off than us who needed it more. I should have called!!!
I’m remembering that we had wic so we had some basics like milk and cereal, rice… peanut butter…
Eventually I applied for food stamps. When we were approved I felt like I won the lottery and ran to the grocery.
Now our situation is much different but I will never forget those days.