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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

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Tefila ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 9:51 am

I have this alot especially when we first moved here. And I would as sweetly as possible ask individuals invited if they called just cover up in respect for Shabbat at our home. Some wanted details, some not some came, some didn't but now do! If an individual came inappropiatley I mean really to my home I offered them my clothes, and no I didn't feel embarrassed to do this. You see a home, my home is a mini mikdash and just like we don't have a box or magazines in our home. So too I am perticular about guests,Babysitters and cleaning ladys etc. I AM NOT A MEAN PERSON, just maybe too assertive um what do you say?

RachelSteph ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 12:22 pm

I have to give you lots of grats for you to be able to do that I would be too afraid of loosing my friends and family. It's possible that in my case it's a different story from yours because everyone around you is probably frum right? Everyone around me isn't I became religious when I married my husband, and my whole family is not religious plus I have VERY Opinionated Aunts who I think would never speak to me if I did that. So I have to allow them in when they come in pants tang tops, shorts. What I have been doing though is when I have my cousins over I have cloths for them to wear to the synagogue, they don't keep Shabbat or the Holidays so we try to have them over as much as possible and I can't have them going to the Synagogue in short skirts, un Ironed cloths and messy Hair and stuff so I try to maneuver my way to getting them to do what I'd like when they are over. I don't want to insult but try to persuade what I think is the right way. I'd like it if I didn't have to do all of this but I don't want them to succumb to the other non-Jewish Family. I don't want to scare them away yet I want them to be happy and proud to be Jewish and remain Jewish. I know very well from personal experience that assimilation is affecting Judaism in a bad way. Anyhow I better stop typing before I get more off the topic. freilich you have a lot of guts to do what your doing that’s really impressive!

zuncompany ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 12:55 pm

I became frum at my college Chabad house. Oh man oh man did some girls wear interesting outfits (guys too!). But they would look around and usually ask for a sweater or something. They were never made to feel like they were doing wrong. But when you sit in a room of people who are snious, you become self concious. I don't think I ever saw anyone come a second time dressed innappropriately.

I remember being in Jordan with friends on a sem vacation and even though I was dressed completely snious I felt so unsnious compared to the women there. It really effected me! Right away we went out and got head scarves, and wore our big baggy sweatshirts everywhere! We felt so much better.

Sometimes you don't have to say a word... they will get the picture pretty quickly.

Sara

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 1:13 pm

Rachel staph

Quote:

it's a different story from yours because everyone around you is probably frum right?

Wrong

I have both relatives and friends who are not frum And some need alot to be desired in dress code and respect.

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 1:33 pm

Zun

Quote:

Sometimes you don't have to say a word... they will get the picture pretty quickly

Maybe your right, but I also take into consideration that I have both husband and boys, and if they don't see mommy walking around like that, then why should they see others?
This is my opinion which my husband appreciates greatly! Wink

↑ zuncompany ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 1:50 pm

I agree. I expect my guests also for that reason!

Just another side of things.

Sara

↑ RachelSteph ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 6:41 pm

I also have two boys and I really didn't think I would have a problem they see it out side anyhow and I know I will have to explain it some time to them. It's funny my dads sisters who are not Jewish dress respectfully when they are in my home, but my Aunt on my Jewish side who is a convert doesn't I figured I would have problems from the other side. Anyhow I really don't think I can do very much except for making some hints and suggestions.

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 9:06 pm

RachelStaph your situation maybe harder, you have to do what is comfortable for you! But always remember it is your home and you are Boss and just like we would be careful what our Family eats we should also be careful what they see.... especially if it is in our Domain Exclamation

gryp ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 9:17 pm

hey freilich, as long as you get a positive response, I would say, keep it up!!!

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Dec 13 2004, 10:48 pm

Hey, never said they agreed whole heartedly, but maybe they do it out of respect or to shut up this women meaning me. But who cares I get the message across I hope. And I figure I try to do everything else in my power to make them feel comfortable and wanted, just this little thing me the hostess is abit crazy on Exclamation

Motek ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 10:59 am

in the country, years ago, one of the women had a Jewish babysitter who did not dress tzniusdik'ly

I said to the woman - you know, you pay her to be your babysitter and you can tell her how you want her to be dressed while on the job

different occupations require a uniform, and policemen and nurses etc. know that the uniform is what they have to wear when on the job

I was thrilled when the woman was gracious enough to thank me for telling her that (rather than tell me to mind my own business)

her not-dressed-properly babysitter didn't only affect her own family but the other people in the colony

my mother gets majorly peeved when she walks into stores owned by frum people and sees not tzniusdik'ly dressed women working there, especially when the male owners are there!

she has spoken up sometimes, along the same lines as what I told the woman in the country

recently, I saw that a cleaners owned by a frum man had a gentile woman doing tailoring for him, not dressed properly

the gentile woman may not be obligated to wear long sleeves and a skirt, but I still spoke up and said to the owner that out of courtesy for his frum clientele, she should be dressed properly

he wondered whether she would listen

I said - I'm sure she will (she was Spanish and probably religious)

what I saw was that people are reluctant to speak up!

↑ Tefila ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 11:04 am

Quote:

but I still spoke up and said to the owner that out of courtesy for his frum clientele, she should be dressed properly

Yey Motek good for you Smile

↑ zuncompany ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 11:43 am

I agree Motek to an extent... when you are at a chabad house... sometimes caution needs to be used. You want them to stay and learn... not be turned off by the experiance.

I totally agree about Jewish establishments! I am totally turned off and walk out of a resturant if I see people who work their without a yamulka or snious clothes. It makes me question the kashrus if they can't even look appropriate.

Sara

↑ gryp ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 11:56 am

right Zun, me too. but wait.... arent we judging them???

↑ zuncompany ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 12:18 pm

Thats it! Aren't we by asking them to change?

sara

↑ gryp ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 12:27 pm

just wanted to prove a point, that we do have to judge everyday, everywhere, in our daily lives. we have to use our common sense, and judge: what is better for me, this or that?
but this does not mean that we judge badly, I mean, with a bad opinion of somebody. it means we can judge and say, "what is the best thing to do in this situation..."

↑ zuncompany ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 12:37 pm

but at the same time we need to use caution.

I know someone who walked into a chabad house totally not frum in a tank top. Nothing was said to her. She was treated like one of the family. She had been to other places, but they always "imposed" things upon her. She was uncomfortable. The shluchim never said a word. Honestly, after a week she was uncomfortable on her own to go in a tank top. The tanks turned into short sleeves. The shorts turned into long pants. Slowly the short sleeves turned into long sleeves, and pants into skirts. She hasn't dressed unsnious in 7 years. Nothing was ever said to her about the change either... they just let her grow and morph into who she is today by leading by example.

That person was me... I can't honestly say I would be where I am if they had asked me to put a sweater on and a skirt. I wasn't ready for it.

Sara

↑ gryp ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 12:41 pm

youre right. im sure freilich does it very cautiously.

guests are also different than employees.

↑ zuncompany ↓

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 1:07 pm

I a msure she does Wink

Sara

proudmom

Tue, Dec 14 2004, 3:24 pm

When I go to my parents house I always make sure I dress appropriately according to my parents rules.

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