Did your impossible child get happily married?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 6:43 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

I was that child, and yes I am bh happily married.

AFTER finishing school, where I was miserable, I found a job, a couple side jobs, starting opening my mind, my world view, helping people, tutoring, babysitting for family friends (for cheap).... after a couple years in the work force, I became mature, responsible, and I enjoyed giving/doing for others.

Only then was I able to get married. I dated before but bh none of those worked out because it would not have been a happy marriage.

So inspiring

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 6:48 am

amother Midnight wrote:

I can relate as a parent, one of my kid’s personality sounds so similar…

Can I ask what boundaries you had to set with your daughter? Did they work? What did you do if she didn’t listen?

Thank you!

Our therapist recommended we choose 3 or 4 boundaries to be strict about, eg not cursing, attending school, and consequences for us are either taking time away from being on technology or docking her pocket money by $5 per infringement.

BH these have worked.

Choosing a few boundaries shows we are in control without us moaning at her ALL THE TIME.

Hatzlocha, I hope this can help you.

amother

↑ Amaryllis

Today at 7:11 am

amother OP wrote:

This is intriguing! Please explain to me what was going through your head when you were being impossible? Did you gain a self awareness as you grew older to get you to a point of realizing your behavior was unacceptable? Did you ever apologize to your parents for what you put them through?

What was going through my head?
Um, not sure... I had a very turbulent teenagerhood- my parents had (have) bad shalom bayis which affected me the most as the oldest, I basically parented myself and my siblings because my mother was checked out and my father was too in a different way, I also had hormonal imbalances which at times gave me crazy mood swings, I was depressed for all of tenth grade and some of eleventh- I got therapy but quit because I hated the therapist...
The impossibleness I think came because of personality clashes with my parents. My mother is the opposite of me so she couldn't understand me, and I am a carbon copy of my father so he couldn't stand me. It definitely wasnt on purpose, it was just me feeling super misunderstood and alone.
I did great in camp and seminary- any setting away from home. After seminary I traveled constantly, flew in for every wedding and spent many shabbosim away from home- I was searching for a healthy stable environment.
Yes I gained self awareness as I grew older. Emotional regulation is still a struggle for me but I have really worked on it. I bh have a great marriage and my husband is super understanding. sadly I do sometimes lash out at him when I am overwhelmed or stressed but then once I am regulated I can explain what I was feeling and I apologize. Does that count for anything? Its really not often that that happens.
No I never apologized for what I put my parents through. They put me through hell.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 8:39 am

amother Amaryllis wrote:

Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal and painful part of your life, which you have managed to mostly break away from and triumph over. I feel sick to hear about what you went through and am not surprised that you were not ok under those circumstances.

I'm filled with hope that you found a wonderful husband and are in a much better place now. Even your outbursts are few and far between and yes, it counts for a lot that you immediately acknowledge what you've done and apologize. You sound extremely self aware and healthy.