Did your impossible child get happily married?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:40 am

amother Azalea wrote:

I was an impossible child in many ways.
I am married in a stable relationship.
I still struggle emotionally but I work incredibly hard on my regulation and think I'm a fairly good parent and spouse.
Like someone else said, I understand my complicated kids well.
As for what I was thinking, I probably have hfasd and was very, very misunderstood, as well as just have an extremely dysregulated nervous system.
I feel terrible for what I put my parent through. I had zero self awareness, which I believe is part of the hfasd. I understand myself much better now and frankly am ashamed of how I behaved, but I couldn't help myself or be helped. I didn't even know I had issues and wouldn't have believed anyone if they tried pointing it out to me.
I wish I could have gotten proper help but I'm not sure what that would have looked like.

Thank you for this vulnerable honesty. I really hope one day my daughter will stop thinking my husband and I are the worst and have the insight to see we were trying our best in a situation that was baffling and overwhelming for us.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:45 am

bigsis144 wrote:

I desperately need this, it’s been recommended to me after both of my sons were diagnosed with ADHD + autism.

How do you find someone who specifically deals with neurodivergent kids and the challenges they present?

I’ve read so many books on parenting that left me feeling broken and confused, and even had a professional therapist blame me for my kids’ behavior.

We see an educational psychologist but really I think any type of therapist would work as long as they have insight into your situation, experience with those kinds of children and the ability to provide practical tools for you to implement.

I hate to say this and it's awful to be blamed when trying your hardest in a tough situation, but sometimes our misguided parenting CAN exacerbate the situation. Certainly our permissiveness due to thinking our daughter needed space, ADDED to her dysfunction. We were taught how actually it was boundaries she needed to contain her.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:49 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

Is she on medication and receiving therapy? My daughter was just like yours but we started the medication and therapy for her as well as therapy for both my husband and myself (separately, not couples therapy) around a year ago and have seen tremendous results. There have been and likely always will be uos and downs for my daughter but she’s learned so much about self regulation, her emotions, tools she can use it’s been amazing. And it’s only working bec she’s in the right cocktail of meds.

I'm so relieved for you! Well done for persevering with multiple modalities. May she continue to thrive and heal!

Unfortunately our biggest problem is that my daughter thinks she doesn't have issues, and everything is everyone else's fault. She refuses therapy and meds. Hence my husband and I are secretly getting advice to help her without her knowing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:50 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Our various types of kids get put into a certain mold in the system that is catered to one specific type of kid. Thats why so many fail it.
When they get married, they kind of have freedom to be at their own speed, get the type of job they like, do their own schedule etc, and they becomes successful and happy at life.

Oh please G-d!! That gives me logical hope! Yes, fitting into the school system has been a constant struggle for her and she has changed schools many times.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:52 am

amother RosePink wrote:

Marriage may be the wrong word to use but I agree with the previous poster that many individuals that seem to be challenging in a child and student role can do very well as adults once they gain more freedom and independence. These children march to the beat of their own drum and do not do so well under authority figures. Once they are allowed to be independent, they can flourish and be very successful.

Yes, my daughter marches to the beat of her own drum... Love that phrase!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:53 am

amother Cognac wrote:

My mother's hardest child (not me!) is one of the sweetest of us kids now as an adult. Bli ayin hara, happily married (I assume) and mother of many.
She is so patient and caring now.

Thank you for this, it means a lot.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:56 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

My impossible cousin who was hated by all teachers and was always getting into trouble was the first one to get married and have kids and yes she is happily married, that's all she really needed!

Love love love this perspective... That davka marriage was what she needed!

amother

↑ Scarlet

Today at 1:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Love love love this perspective... That davka marriage was what she needed!

Yes! She matured, started acting responsibly, is a wonderful mother with the most well behaved children! No one could ever imagine in a million years! Marriage was the best thing for her!

amother

Seashell ↓

Today at 1:19 am

Didn't read all the replies. My parents said I was very difficult. I really don't think I was so terrible. I have ADHD and I suspect I also am high functioning ASD. My parents tried to beat it out of me and told me to act normal.

I come from a double digit family, I married a guy who is neurodivergent we have a bunch of neurodivergent kids, my marriage is probably the best of my siblings and definitely healthier than my parents. I'm active in my community, I have friends, I'm still weird, I don't care, and I'm about as financially successful or not as most people these days.

amother

↑ Seashell

Today at 1:21 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh please G-d!! That gives me logical hope! Yes, fitting into the school system has been a constant struggle for her and she has changed schools many times.

So maybe homeschool?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 1:23 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Love your weird, happy ending 🎈

amother

↑ OP

Today at 1:24 am

amother Seashell wrote:

So maybe homeschool?

She wants this however she really does need the structure of school. And more importantly, I need her at school, I wouldn't cope with her hanging around the house all day and fighting with me about wanting to be on the phone.

amother

Midnight

Today at 1:54 am

I can relate as a parent, one of my kid’s personality sounds so similar…

Can I ask what boundaries you had to set with your daughter? Did they work? What did you do if she didn’t listen?

Thank you!

amother

DarkPurple

Today at 3:05 am

I was that child, and yes I am bh happily married.

AFTER finishing school, where I was miserable, I found a job, a couple side jobs, starting opening my mind, my world view, helping people, tutoring, babysitting for family friends (for cheap).... after a couple years in the work force, I became mature, responsible, and I enjoyed giving/doing for others.

Only then was I able to get married. I dated before but bh none of those worked out because it would not have been a happy marriage.

imaima

Today at 3:28 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

I know someone that was told by her parents that they don't expect her to stay married longer than a week. Bh it has been years and they seem to be very happy.

And you don’t need to wonder who is really a problem in this parent-child relationship…

amother

↑ Azalea

Today at 4:17 am

amother OP wrote:

It took until I had a kid like myself for me to understand.