I smacked my daughter. Hard. :( Update pg 19

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Yesterday at 10:05 am

sequoia wrote:

What I never understood is, what’s the point of forcing your child to behave when they’re small, only for them to cut you off as soon as they can? Does anyone really look at people whose adult children have gone no contact and think, “yes, that’s what I want.”

Of course not, but that is not the standard even amongst abusive parents. So people don't think of something that they see happening less than 1% of the time. Almost every parent is trying their best with the tools they have.

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Yesterday at 10:08 am

sequoia wrote:

This isn't accurate. That's not what behaving means and that's not what child raising is and that's not how cutting off works and that's not how abuse works.

There is zero correlation between potching that is not purely abusive and people going no contact with their parents.

Potching as part of a larger pattern of abuse and control is not what we're talking about here at all.

amother

Pumpkin ↓

Yesterday at 11:36 am

giftedmom wrote:

Let me tell you something. A 6 year old out of control is one thing. A 12+ year old male is something quite different. It’s SCARY. The few times that I had it, even though I wasn’t getting hurt, it really triggered me. You need to think of a lasting solution because this doesn’t go away by itself. It gets worse when the testosterone hits.

What’s a lasting solution?
I have a four year old like this and am stumped. Potchign or aggression doesn’t help. I need help understanding him. I started reading the explosive child. Considering if he needs another evaluation not just from board of ed.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Yesterday at 11:42 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Professional help if you can’t hack it yourself. The younger you start the better.

amother

↑ Pumpkin

Yesterday at 11:55 am

giftedmom wrote:

Professional help if you can’t hack it yourself. The younger you start the better.

I need help. Don’t know what kind.
He’s four I can’t turn back in time.

amother

↑ Aquamarine

Yesterday at 11:58 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I need help. Don’t know what kind.
He’s four I can’t turn back in time.

Good inside by Dr. Becky is a very good resource. She also has more resources.
Dr. Laura Markham has a book, workbook and may online resources.
Good luck

↑ giftedmom

Yesterday at 11:58 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I need help. Don’t know what kind.
He’s four I can’t turn back in time.

He’s young enough. If you’re located in NY hamaspik or a similar org can help.

amother

↑ Oldlace

Today at 4:38 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I need help. Don’t know what kind.
He’s four I can’t turn back in time.

Four is very young. You have plenty of time to change things.

Potching usually makes these kids better instead of worse. If it didn't work the first three times it's not going to work the next time.

DBT-C can be so helpful for these children when parents use it at home. Teach them to calm themselves down and make better choices while treating themselves with compassion.

I second Dr. Becky, but many kids need something stronger. Parenting Your Child with Intense Emotions is a great book for DBT-C that's parent friendly. I love how the authors understand both my feelings and my child's.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 5:39 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Potching makes everything worse.
Read Dr Laura’s book. Dr Becky and Dr Laura have emails you can sign up for that are so helpful.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Today at 5:50 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Potching makes everything worse.
Read Dr Laura’s book. Dr Becky and Dr Laura have emails you can sign up for that are so helpful.

Which Dr. Laura is this?

↑ Giraffe

Today at 5:54 pm

You pro-potchers made fun of my pain. I remember a few years ago I was told a "potch" was a light tap. I see this was all a lie since you support painful beatings anyway.

Meh, I sadly remember I gave a savage beating to my daughter a few years ago for opening a computer on Rosh Hashana morning while I was sleeping. I was also screaming. She did not understand the concept of Mukseh so much and a video was on loop and can't ignore. I hate talking to a nonJew to close for me.

So you see, I do indeed hit too.

I no longer beat so there is no need to report me. Okay?

Okay, good bye forever.

amother

↑ Jetblack

Today at 6:26 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Hi Giraffe - you sound like you're in a lot of pain. Is there anyone in real life you can reach out to help you? I'm so sorry you have so much pain. Sounds like you have been through a lot. We care about you.