I DONT work full time because I love my husband

amother

OP ↓

Today at 2:07 pm

And I would collapse if I worked full time with everything else going on. Right now I manage about 10 hours a week because I love my husband and want to be a functioning person with optimal mental health.

flowerpower

Today at 2:10 pm

How dare you? Don’t you know that you should help your dh bring in income? You selfish wife that just keeps spending her husbands hard earned money😡. Everyone can manage working 40 hours a week while running a house in a fully sane manor!

meyerlemon44

Today at 2:13 pm

It’s great you have the option 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

Bluebell

Today at 2:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Pretty disrespectful to all the women that need to work and still are functioning women and moms, and wives.

amother

Papayawhip

Today at 2:17 pm

Well not all of us have the choice and do fall apart. Otherwise our kids have no food to eat.

And our home isn't spotless or anywhere near it. Dinners and Shabbos is very simple. My kids don't have most up to date wardrobe.
But we are fed, clean, clothed, housed, loved and in school.

amother

Bergamot

Today at 2:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just curious why u felt a need announcing it if it’s upsetting many people.
Good for u if your doing what’s right but please be sensitive to the others that need to work for whatever reason.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 2:29 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

Just curious why u felt a need announcing it if it’s upsetting many people.
Good for u if your doing what’s right but please be sensitive to the others that need to work for whatever reason.

Because there has to be some space for mothers to breathe too and I think we need to speak about that.

Why is it less sensitive to say, I’m working full time and anyone who doesn’t is lazy.

There are two sides to every coin. None is right for someone else

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 2:30 pm

meyerlemon44 wrote:

It’s great you have the option 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s not an option it’s a choice.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 2:30 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

Pretty disrespectful to all the women that need to work and still are functioning women and moms, and wives.

Some can, I cannot. Why is that disrespectful? If anything it’s more power to them that they can do it all. I cannot

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 2:31 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

We have a lot of debt but I make the choice of prioritize my mental health. Also though honestly, between my kids and all their appointments there isn’t much extra time.

We don’t either have fancy dinners or up to date wardrobes or spotless house

amother

Firethorn

Today at 2:40 pm

I recently started helping my husband with the business.. but before that I actively made a choice not to work. It wasn't that we were very comfortable it was that we were willing to live with less. Didn't do vacations didn't go out to eat. Didn't spend a lot on clothing. hated when ppl told me ure so lucky that u don't need to work. Had to hold myself back from telling them. So many ppl can make the same choice especially when our children are young. I know not everyone. But if ppl are willing to live with a lot less and have less peer pressure more ppl can make it work.

amother

SandyBrown

Today at 2:48 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

Pretty disrespectful to all the women that need to work and still are functioning women and moms, and wives.

I had to read this a couple of times. Can't figure out the disrespectful part. Maybe that's because I feel the same way as OP?

I work PT, from home, and we are very frugal to try to make it work. Would I work full time if it was literally either that or we starve? Of course. But there's a lot in between one extreme and the other.

I have often felt guilty for not working FT, especially now that my youngest is in playgroup. That seems to be the "norm" where I am. But then I remember that over the years...

I had one child with major behavioral issues when he was younger. It was only because of my flexible schedule that we were able to get him an early diagnosis, plenty of therapy, dealing with meds and their side effects, one year driving in and picking him up early so he didn't have to finish the year with a teacher who was verbally assaulting him every day for things that were not within his control. CHild is now B"H in high school and thriving.

I had one child who had minor medical issues as an infant, B"H not long-term ones because we dealt with them early. I spent hours on the phone pulling strings to get into a a doctor for the diagnosis without having to wait months (which for this condition would have made a BIG difference in prognosis, timing was everything), shlepping out to the specialist (which would have been a day off of work), child needed two surgeries which meant weeks of recovery each time, needed treatments (it wasn't PT, it was specific to the condition, but let's pretend it was post-surgical PT for illustrative purposes) at least weekly if not two or three times a week, and then biweekly or monthly after the first little while. I have no idea how I could have done that while working full time. Child is now B"H fine, but kids who wait longer before getting treated can have issues and need additional surgeries for years...

I had one child who was having major social and behavioral issues, I ran them all over trying to figure out what was up, eventually discovered it was sensory issues and several weeks with an OT worked WONDERS and now the child is completely socially normal and the top of their class. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done all that legwork and finally B"H figured it out. He was regularly assaulting other kids for seemingly no reason, in elementary school. Can't imagine that would have ended well.

I had one child that needed PT for a couple of years as a toddler. Was way behind beforehand and getting more and more anxious about anything physical (even climbing on a couch) and would refuse to do anything themselves. PT turned them around.

Oh, and did I mention that I have ADHD and got married having no idea how to boil noodles, much less cook? Or do a load of laundry? Because my mother didn't feel that children should be bothered with those things. (I love my mom. She is a great mom. This is just one area that she didn't feel was important.) My sense of time is awful and I work SO hard every day to keep it all together.

So if I worked FT it would definitely mean that these things would have fallen by the wayside. And I have a normal family, I don't think we're outside of the norm. I assume that either moms who work FT have kids with no issues at all, or they push them aside because they don't have the time to deal with them effectively, or they squeeze them in between their work hours and other responsibilities which means they may not be dealing with them as well as they could have.

I won't judge any one specific mom. Maybe her kids really don't have any extra needs. But in general, I think the idea that moms are expected to work FT unless their dhs bring in tons of money is not good. Because it means that plenty of kids are going to end up losing out, since there's just not enough time to address their issues effectively.

amother

Holly ↓

Today at 3:13 pm

Op, you're missing the point. Are you accumulating debt? Are paying your credit card? Are you paying tuition or falling behind?

Because staying home and falling behind on bills is not an act of love.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 3:35 pm

amother Holly wrote:

Is being a harried mother and wife an act of love?

amother

↑ Holly

Today at 3:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is being a harried mother and wife an act of love?

No, but the op's post ignorer's the other side. Sometimes there are 2 very uncomfortable/bad choices.

1. Stay home and not work and be less harried. For some this will also mean not being able to pay tuition, credit cards, house repairs, and basic needs.

2. Work and be more harried but at least the lights stay on.

The truth is that these conversations are silly because unless we know exactly where the op is holding, we don't learn anything about her philosophy about the importance of staying home.

What exactly is she sacrificing on the other end?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 3:43 pm

amother Holly wrote:

I am the OP and this was exactly my point. There is no right way. My not working is not any less right than someone’s working. Ultimately we make choices that we feel are appropriate and trust Hashem for the outcome

amother

Navy

Today at 3:51 pm

Sandy brown, I’m so happy you not working helped your kids. On the flip side I have two kids who needed dental work we couldn’t afford (even though I work full time because my husband can’t) and now there are long term effects. Teeth shifted wrong way etc. Working less is not always the answer. Working full time with a husband that has issues also won’t solve the issue.

amother

Cherry ↓

Today at 3:56 pm

This is offensive. Look at your title “ I dont work full time because I love my husband” as if those of us who work full time dont love our husband. Either way such a strange proclamation and thread to make if your happy with your life why the need to brag?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 3:57 pm

amother Navy wrote:

I’m the OP, working more is not the answer always either. My working more is not necessarily covering dental work.
In fact where I live it’s virtually impossible for both parents to work full time (lack of childcare options).
So if I worked full time DH would need to be more available

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 3:58 pm

amother Cherry wrote:

Well the one who said “I work 28 hours a week because I love my husband” is the same thing. If I don’t work 28 hours a week do I not love my husband?? I was just trying to show the other side. Maybe I should’ve said it’s a spin off