I work 28 hours a week because I love my husband

amother

↑ Sienna

Today at 2:25 pm

I know many sahms.

Those that are, are for one of the following reasons.

1. The husband is earning enough
2. They are unable to find a good job
3. They are unable to juggle motherhood and work
4. Working is too expensive (childcare, housekeeper etc) it’s not worth it
5. Their husbands prefer working harder and having a sahm or wife. They see the benefit to it.

I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t work because it’s my right! My husband needs to provide! Let him collapse from exhaustion I don’t care!

I don’t think they exist and I believe you made it up.

amother

↑ Camellia

Today at 2:28 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

I started hiring more help when I realized that I make a lot more per hour than she does. To me, it's literally a business expense, because it enables me to work more hours.

Of course this isn't always possible. And it could depend on taxes and other things. But when I took a few hours of help on Sunday morning, I was then able to put in an extra hour of work every week and came out with more money from it. And was more relaxed and had more time with my kids. It didn't always work this way, but it's a good thing to consider if it might.

I actually do have help but not nearly enough. It's hard to find decent help. But at the moment I'm not taking any money out of the business. We're getting by bh but month by month. I know if I threw myself into the business it could grow a lot, but im not willing to give up my sanity. So iyh it'll grow slowly and steadily.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 2:30 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Well I know my sister. And my neighbor. And my cousin

Who refuse to get any job at all, refuse to even cut costs because "my right is to be provided for".

They send their kids out by 1. Frequent takeout.
Frequent splurges. Lots of cleaning help.
Complain that their husband is financially controlling by trying to cut expenses.
The schools are threatening to kick the kids out for non-payment.
The schools call and offer the mother to work making copies for 2 hours a day to pay down their tuition balance. They refuse because "finances are my husband's responsibility".

amother

↑ Gardenia

Today at 2:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok but this is very different than mothers who “refuse” because it doesn’t make sense for the family.

amother

Magnolia

Today at 2:36 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Op, you love your husband, but does he love you?

Jk.

But in all seriousness, who are those women who refuse to pitch in when their husbands aren’t sufficient, because “the kesuba”? I don’t know anyone irl like that. Do you? I’m assuming anyone like that is mentally ill.

Its community dependent, to some degree. There is a mentality in some communities that women don't work and men are the sole providers.

And they have the right to spend whatever they want/need and no thoughts about the consequences.

I think these threads are all a spinoff from a thread started by such a woman.

amother

↑ Snowflake ↓

Today at 2:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Two quick points. First, what they tell the public and what actually goes on at home can be 2 different things. They actually may have a very valid reason which they want to keep private, so they come up with these kind of responses for others. For example, someone was dealing with treatments but didn't want anyone to know. So what can she tell others when they get involved in her business?

Secondly, there are men who equally refuse to pull their weight. So when we took about collective groups, it's automatically understood that we aren't talking about these few who behave as such. If, however, you have large numbers as such, you have a much larger problem on hand.

amother

↑ Snowflake

Today at 2:42 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

Yes, there are communities who have the mentality that men are the sole providers.

No, there isn't a community that has the mentality that women can spend whatever they want without consideration of budget and consequences.

giftedmom

Today at 2:44 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

100% correct

amother

cornflower

Today at 3:26 pm

Op I’m going to be completely honest I think you do it for yourself
Do you think YOU can manage having your husband twist himself into a pretzel to provide?
Do you understand what it actually means?
Your husband is always dead tired. You’re throwing up and pregnant and you need to take care of the kids and have dinner on the table alone. You may give birth alone or have your husband there for the birth and immediately leave because he needs to work. Postpartum you need to just manage everything and recover because he’s not home. Every vacation you are alone with all your kids chanukah midwinter chol hamoed summer… erev yt and Shabbos your husband walks in barely 30 min before the zman. Everything falls onto you all the school things all appointments all shopping all housework and you have no one to even vent to after a hard day because he’s passed out from exhaustion.
I think you working is equally for you as for him so you can have a husband and your kids a father instead of a atm machine