I smacked my daughter. Hard. :( Update pg 19

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Yesterday at 11:05 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

The same thing the child knows at school.

That you can't hit a parent just like that child is afraid to hit her teachers.

Herein lies the difference between us. Your goal is to teach what the child can/ can’t do

In my mind, my child already has the knowledge that he can’t hit. So that’s not my goal. My goal is to get him to a place that he won’t be so out of sorts in the first place so that he hits even thigh he doesn’t want to.

I do stop him in the moment though if he is hurting me or another sibling by physically removing.
And I’ll admit sometimes I do yell when I’m trying to stop a behavior but I’m not proud of it

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:07 pm

giftedmom wrote:

A child’s body and brain should process that you hurt someone you get hurt in return. It’s a vital lesson. You should not be hurting the people who love you most in the world. That’s just basic.

💯

As a SEIT, my clients 5 y.o. sister used to hit and pinch her older siblings.
The mother would scold the child and it had zero effect.
I told the older siblings if she hits you, hit her back, but only one smack

Guess what?

The 5 y.o. stopped hitting her siblings.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:10 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

So if he is out of sorts he is allowed to hit?

A child must be taught cannot hit
Even if hungry
Even if he is out of sorts.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 11:12 pm

giftedmom wrote:

It's simplistic. And not the lesson that's learned subconsciously and many times consciously too. Being a child means you see yourself and your needs first and foremost and not others. Also not always understanding cause and effect.

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Yesterday at 11:14 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

So if he is out of sorts he is allowed to hit?

A child must be taught cannot hit
Even if hungry
Even if he is out of sorts.

No he is not allowed. But my short term goal isn’t to get him to stop because I don’t think that’s realistic based on what I know about him and his ability or control his emotions. I actually expect a lot more from my other child who is easier and am much stricter and don’t tolerate the same type of behavior that I tolerate from this one

↑ giftedmom ↓

Yesterday at 11:14 pm

amother Blue wrote:

Babies start learning cause and effect when they start throwing things off their high chair tray. Cmon. Like I said kids aren’t stupid.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Yesterday at 11:15 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

So you’re raising a son who sees he can hurt others and his brother can’t. What do you think that teaches him?

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:15 pm

amother Blue wrote:

When a child gets a potch they learn cause and effect very quickly.

But not if they are hit frequently.

But if it is only for very very serious matters like running in the street
And hitting a parent

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 11:16 pm

I was in kindergarten 40 years ago and these views are reminding me of my teacher who was an older woman back then, a teacher for many years. If my classmate hit, she would hit the student. Believe it or not, same for biting.
We don't need to be stuck in last century when there are so many better ways that don't cause trauma or further damage.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 11:20 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Babies start learning cause and effect when they start throwing things off their high chair tray. Cmon. Like I said kids aren’t stupid.

Stupid is an odd word. Many autistic and ADHD children are geniuses. But they have to be taught cause and effect. I taught my son when he was 6/7. He totally did not understand the concept. He did not have one of these diagnoses btw, he had SPD. An angel in school and a hurricane at home.

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Yesterday at 11:20 pm

giftedmom wrote:

So you’re raising a son who sees he can hurt others and his brother can’t. What do you think that teaches him?

Believe me, he knows he can’t hit.

I’ll calmly say it and hold his hands. But I won’t be as firm in my voice as I would be with my other one.

Honestly, it’s not easy for me that I have to treat then differently. It’s hard to hear my easier child complaining that the other child gets away with so much more. But my job is to do whats best for each child.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:22 pm

amother Blue wrote:

It seems that the "better ways" don't work on some children.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Yesterday at 11:23 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I've seen the faces of children who were potched in front of me. They look confused and bewildered, not understanding what's going on.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Yesterday at 11:23 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

You’re not doing either of them a favor. Nor the aggressive son’s future family. What will you do when he’s stronger than you?

amother

↑ Blue

Yesterday at 11:25 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It seems that the "better ways" don't work on some children.

All children enjoy positive attention, rewards and treats. All children can be worked with in a positive way.

Hitting definitely does not work for many children. It only causes more bad feelings.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Yesterday at 11:27 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

#BestBubby wrote:

😲

I rest my case. You people believe that children who can control themselves at school should be allowed to be out of control at home and should hit their parents without any fear of punishment.

I rest my case!

Here’s my question to you. Take this chikd who is an angel in school (because of fear of punishment). You see he can control himself when he wants to. So that’s not the issue. And the issue isn’t either that he doesn’t know it’s wrong to hit/ misbehave. Because cmon which kid doesn’t know that. So then what are you teaching him by punishing?

#BestBubby wrote:

The same thing the child knows at school.

That you can't hit a parent just like that child is afraid to hit her teachers.

A lot of kids in school aren't motivated to behave by fear of punishment, but by a sense of belonging and wanting to fit in, and a sense of pride. Kids naturally imitate each other and act as a group. A good teacher creates a positive social environment where the teacher leads.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:31 pm

Giraffe wrote:

Nose is congested from all the crying. Sad that children are put down like dogs.

What are you talking about? Who's putting down their children like dogs?
Putting down dogs, means killing them, btw.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Yesterday at 11:38 pm

I know a little boy whose parents hit him. He learned that hitting has power. So he learned how to take a punch and he learned how to throw one. Now no blow would be able to deter him unless it's enough to put him in the hospital.