How to teach my son to de-escalate?

amother

Today at 9:43 am

DS 12 gets annoyed from things easily.

Examples:
*someone is humming while he’s not in the hood of it
* people jumping into her personal space
* kids playing while he’s reading a book
* If he’s overseeing kids cleaning playroom, and he feels like one kid isn’t helping a ‘fair’ amount

All things that are normal to annoy someone.
What’s not so normal is his reaction. He’ll ask them to stop and if they don’t listen ASAP, he’ll repeatedly ask while getting more aggressive each time, eventually escalating into a fight or him pushing someone.

We keep having conversations explaining to him that it’s ok to get bothered by these things, but his reactions are out of control sometimes, and he needs to either relax or get an adult involved if he feels he can’t.

Yesterday, he came home from school (first time ever) with a bloody bruised up face. Apparently, on the bus home, a kid was making him nervous, don’t remember why (focused on the rest, I forgot), but it wasn’t anything serious.
He asked the kid to stop twice. Kid didn’t. Kid is same grade as him, and was sitting in seat accross him. Kid came into my son’s seat to show my son he doesn’t have to stop, and son got mad and pushed him out of his seat. To kid pushed my son back. Started a fight, my son claims he just tried pushing the kid away, and then holding his hands down so he doesn’t hit my son. Bottom line, that kid scratched up my son’s entire face and his mouth was bloody and a tad swollen from a few punches. Nothing super crazy, but obviously, I was NOT pleased.

Bus driver ended up stopping the bus to break it up and sent the other kid to the back of the bus until his stop. I can technically request to see video footage of the incident, but I’m assuming my son and that kid will be called to the principal today and they’ll get into trouble (zero tolerance policy).

Point of this rant?
I don’t know exactly who was wrong and who started here. But I know my son enough to know that this probably could have been prevented had his been able to be slightly more tolerant of annoyances, or had he gone to tell the bus driver sooner.

How do I teach my son such skills?
It’s not Misophonia