I smacked my daughter. Hard. :(

↑ Trademark ↓

Today at 4:47 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Nope. It’s in response to people telling us that our kids are obviously obnoxious, spoiled rotten snowflakes, that have terrible middos that will abuse their spouses because we don’t believe in hitting and punishing them all day .
Notice, I did say that maybe it’s just luck and I am very grateful for my blessings .

I think it depends a lot on the nature of the kids though, like I said.

If you have kids by nature or naturally easy going, kind etc chinuch would look very different than kids who have more difficult personalities. I don't think you can extrapolate from one family to the next and judge others.

I agree with you on the point that because you have a gentle way of parenting doesn't mean that you will have obnoxious, rude children. But the type of parenting depends very much on your children.

Some children if you are too easy with them will grow up to be obnoxious.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Today at 5:04 am

Trademark wrote:

What does easy mean ?

Of course some children need more boundaries or need to be pushed more to do their chores , or do their homework or whatever it is . Being harsh, yelling , hitting , etc… none of these work for anybody and it’s not good parenting . Of course my kids have flaws and I need to help them grow to be good people but yelling never works. Staying calm and natural consequences work a lot better . Always.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 5:08 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

This. I’m trying to explain that you don’t need to be harsh and punish to raise good kids.
And you definitely don’t need to ever hit.

My son has a friend whose mother is harsh, punishes and in general isn’t emotionally attuned to her child. Her son is so aggressive it’s just sad to witness.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 5:12 am

Trademark wrote:

My kids aren’t by nature the most easy kids. When kids are not controlled by punishment and reward and are raised in a loving and safe environment, they thrive.

I’m a real work in progress as a mother but I do believe that the way they are parented has a lot to do with how they are such a pleasure to be around.

↑ Trademark ↓

Today at 5:16 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I guess my point is a bit off tangent from what was directly discussed previously.

The post just came across that look at me and my easy personality and my easy kids and how wonderful they are.

It's so easy to say, but an entirely different thing to do.

But I digress.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 5:20 am

Trademark wrote:

Not at all. If that’s how it’s being read I’ll delete the post.

↑ Trademark ↓

Today at 5:27 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Not at all. If that’s how it’s being read I’ll delete the post.

I don't think you have to delete, and I'm very happy for you that you were able to raise good kids and do it the right way.

I'm just pointing out that maybe you're not the right person to say it can be done without yelling, hitting, or punishing. Even if you are 100% correct.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Today at 5:32 am

Trademark wrote:

I deleted it, I don’t want it coming across the wrong way.

I didn’t say I never yell but that I try not to yell. If I do yell I apologize and try to repair.

Kids are easier in the long term when they are parented gently and respectfully.

It’s harder in the short term and takes more work but long term it’s so much easier.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Today at 5:39 am

Trademark wrote:

I think you're taking the wrong point from our posts.

We are glad to say that we rarely punish and try not to hit or yell, and people would assume that our kids are monsters because they so rarely get punished but the opposite is true, bh.

Maybe I have naturally good kids, but maybe maybe this approach works. Why don't you try it and see?

Warning, it's a lot harder NOT to punish and try to be proactive and takes a lot of self control. It's not easy to do.

In the case here, I would have approached it as - what is my child trying to tell me? Because when a child is having constant meltdowns, they are trying to say something. I would try to arrange my day differently to give her personal attention as soon as she walks in the door (in this case). It's about changing yourself, which is always harder to do. But I think it's the right way.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Today at 5:44 am

Trademark wrote:

What you’re not understanding is that I never said it was easy . I mess up all the time. I get frustrated and yell and get triggered . But the difference is I don’t think that it’s fine , I apologize and I continue working on myself . Just the fact that my kids know that I’m sorry and they deserve to be spoken to respectfully makes a huge difference emotionally.
I don’t think my kids are particularly easy. I think they are very average . Bh not crazy difficult . My point is that even if your kids are very difficult, it’s not good parenting to hit and yell and punish . It’s really difficult to not do those things but it’s also not good parenting . People should go for therapy, but parenting classes , read books , etc…
But not give up and say that it’s to difficult to not yell qnd not hit . It should be your end goal even if it takes a whole lifetime to get there .

↑ mommy3b2c

Today at 5:51 am

Just want to add that just this past motzai Shabbos I was having a difficult evening and I got frustrated over something and I started yelling at my 18 year old and he was trying to say “I’m sorry , I was trying to do it right …” and I saw him getting nervous and I continued yelling “it’s not your fault ! You did nothing wrong I’m just in a really bad mood right now !!!!”
And then he laughed . And he stopped being anxious . Becuase he stopped internalizing the yelling because he knew his mother was just asking like a nut and it had nothing to do with him.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Today at 5:52 am

amother Sapphire wrote:

You either live in lalaland or yout kids are not 2 years old yet, or your kids are robots.

Healthy kids fight.

My kids are all over 2 years old, are not robots, and very rarely fight bh. The girls argue amongst each others for a minute here & there, but there isn't much fighting going on here bh.

amother

↑ Brown ↓

Today at 6:24 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

I don't know where you got this from, the Torah says no such thing. There are many places that chazal say the exact opposite.

You are wrong. I will bring sources later when I get home from work.
Chazal do not promote hitting out of anger. Ever.

amother

↑ Brown ↓

Today at 6:27 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I have been on imamother for 6 years.

And every time a parent posts about a child who hits a parent, they were raised by parents who think it is wrong to give a potch for ANYTHING no matter how bad.

This is obviously a child who was never adequately punished for ANYTHING, that is why she feels entitled to do whatever she wants including assaulting a parent and pulling up her skirt.

Why do you equate potching with punishing, and think that those who don't believe in potching don't punish?

Do you realize that there are thousands and thousands of homes that have authority and use punishments, just not physically hurting their kids? There are much more appropriate ways to punish than beating them up.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Today at 6:35 am

amother Brown wrote:

You are wrong. I will bring sources later when I get home from work.
Chazal do not promote hitting out of anger. Ever.

I've seen posters say that hitting calmly is even worse. So which way is it? Or that it's not possible to hit without anger.

And I can bring many sources that hitting children is ok. Many.

amother

↑ Cobalt

Today at 6:36 am

amother Brown wrote:

I don't punish. Why do you think other punishments are better than potching?

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Today at 6:40 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

I've seen posters say that hitting calmly is even worse. So which way is it? Or that it's not possible to hit without anger.

And I can bring many sources that hitting children is ok. Many.

You can not bring a source that hitting out of anger is okay because it is outright forbidden. The torah forbids to hit out of anger/frustration/ trigger/immediate reaction. The torah does not call that chinuch.
You're making it seem as if hitting children is a must. No, it's not. One can raise fine children without hitting.

amother

DarkPurple

Today at 6:41 am

I didn't read all responses,

My opinion is parents don't realize when a child is touching things, or bothering, or hurting...it's not coming from wanting to be bad. Most of the time they are bored, understimulated, or simply need mom's attention.