I smacked my daughter. Hard. :(

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:13 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

And you have never lost you temper ever?
Mothers are humans too, not malachim.

What does a parent losing their temper have to do with justifying a strong slap across the face & saying that children deserve it?? This has no connection to parents losing their temper.

↑ imaima

Yesterday at 11:14 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

So many responses telling OP what she should NOT have done.

Zero responses giving an actual response to a better way to respond in such situations.

So, for those of you that would NEVER hit and consider it abuse. How should / would you respond in this situation? Practical advice is always best.

OP- I would also have a conversation with your daughter about why lifting someone’s skirt is such a bad thing, and if she does that to anyone else, The consequences may be way worse.

I don’t get it. When someone is riding up my skirt I think I would automatically defend myself and fight back. It’s not controlled.

I repeat - why was the whole show necessary if she could have just eaten the apple uncut?

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:17 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

Pick up the child & remove them from the situation. And once everyone has calmed down, talk to the child about what they did & how wrong it was.
And have food ready when kids get home to avoid hangry out of control behavior.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:21 am

A husband comes home after a hard day at work and is starving.

He asks his wife for food and she says
" In a minute"

Husband hits his wife for not dropping everything and serving him.

You would all say ABUSE! get a Divorce.

But this husband was taught to behave like this by his woke Mommy.

The way a child treats their parents is how they will treat their spouse.

↑ Success10 ↓

Yesterday at 11:25 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I would assume he hits his spouse because that’s what he saw modeled in the home growing up.

↑ Success10

Yesterday at 11:27 am

amother Teal wrote:

When kids are like this, removing them doesn’t work. I’m not professing to know what does work. I personally try to stay calm and remove myself from the situation. If possible.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:27 am

Success10 wrote:

I would assume he hits his spouse because that’s what he saw modeled in the home growing up.

Yes if he saw his dad hit his mom.

And also if that's how he treated his mother
and the discipline was ineffective in stopping him from repeating this behavior over and over

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:27 am

#BestBubby wrote:

How ridiculous.
Slapping children across the face is NOT the only way yo discipline, and a parent that doesn't know that, is not fit for being a parent
Children that aren't slapped across the face, bh grow up to be nice & kind people. Parents being violent & slapping their children, is not what makes a child grow up to be a mentsch.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:29 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes if he saw his dad hit his mom.

And also if that's how he treated his mother
and the discipline was ineffective in stopping him from repeating this behavior over and over

Nope, you've got it wrong.
A child that was abused, grows up to be an abusive adult. It generally goes hand in hand.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:31 am

Success10 wrote:

When kids are like this, removing them doesn’t work. I’m not professing to know what does work. I personally try to stay calm and remove myself from the situation. If possible.

Right, if possible.
But when not possible, remove the child from the situation is the best solution at that moment.

amother

Milk

Yesterday at 11:35 am

Op, you are fine. This doesn't happen every day or every month either or probably not every year.
The child definitely learned that she crossed lines.
And yes, sometimes a smack is warranted. Of course never from anger. But we are also human beings and make mistakes.
There will be no lasting trauma from it, you know what you did wrong, you will do better next time.
Don't listen to the people here, they don't know you. (including me)

amother

↑ Wisteria ↓

Yesterday at 11:35 am

why is everyone picking only on the hitting? the way the situation was handled was wrong in the first place. you stopped to cut it for her and then you went back to being busy without actually helping her. Even I as an adult would be highly triggered by that. I would not feel heard I would feel like whatever you are busy with matters more than me.
She shouldnt be doing what she did but honestly I dont blame her

ittsamother ↓

Yesterday at 11:39 am

amother Wisteria wrote:

She stopped to cut it and her daughter refused to let her cut it! At that point she was insisting on doing it herself. OP should have yanked it away and insisted on cutting it against her daughter's will? Guaranteed that would have triggered the meltdown either way.
Ah, maybe she should have stood at her daughter's side like an obedient servant waiting for permission to cut it, however long that permission took to come, while there was work yet to be done for the family's supper...

I get that the daughter was dysregulated and out of control but at the very least she learned that her choices that day did not lead to a desired outcome, and OP can have a conversation with her about how her choices made things worse for herself, and how better choices could have given her a happier outcome, whether that was a bit more patience in the beginning, or allowing her mother to help her when she offered...
OP dancing around her whims would not have been a great chinuch lesson long term.

I think going forward the best thing would be preventive measures- preparing snack in advance, having conversations and roleplays about acceptable responses, etc.

Last edited by ittsamother on Wed, Jan 08 2025, 11:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:42 am

amother Wisteria wrote:

I think OP did pretty well. (Except for the slap, but she apologized.)
I'm picking on those that think that it is okay for a parent to give a strong slap across the face & are saying that children deserve it.

amother

↑ Wisteria

Yesterday at 11:42 am

ittsamother wrote:

yes kids do that. when my 3 year old acts like that I give him a choice do you want me to cut it now or after I finish making dinner? and it works bcz im giving him the power to decide. kids need to feel like they are in control thats why she wanted to do it herself. and thats why I got knives made for kids like this one

https://www.amazon.com/Tovla-K.....psc=1

↑ ittsamother

Yesterday at 11:45 am

amother Wisteria wrote:

A, we're talking about a 3 yr old vs a 7 yr old. A 7-year-old should already have the patience to wait for 5 minutes.

B, that's not always a choice I'm willing to give my child! Sometimes a child has to learn that although they want something now, it's not possible and they need to wait! If I'm in the middle of bathing my 2-year-old, and my 5-year-old decides they want me to cut an apple right now, it's not safe for me to leave the 2-year-old, so they're going to have to wait! And the sooner they learn to develop this patience, and the ability to wait for delayed gratification, the better off in life they'll be.

↑ #BestBubby ↓

Yesterday at 11:46 am

amother Teal wrote:

No children are "allowed" to hit their parents.
Dysregulated & out of control behavior, generally stems from something deeper going on & it's up to us parents to get to the source of that so we can help our children.

This is the same quote the Woke use to justify not punishing criminals who come from disadvantaged homes.

That's why murder and robbery are out of control.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Yesterday at 11:51 am

#BestBubby wrote:

This is the same quote the Woke use to justify not punishing criminals who come from disadvantaged homes.

That's why murder and robbery are out of control.

Yeah, in frum communities LOL

Bh my (and most) kids are not criminals despite not being slapped in the face.
Being proactive & knowing what our children's behavior stems from, may save alot of aggravation on both ends.
We should also keep in mind that our school environments nowadays are really not the healthiest for children & this may contribute to aggressive or out of control behavior at home.
Parents need to be there for their children, not against them. Slapping our children is basically the lazy way out of proper chinuch & parenting. It doesn't make the child's issues dissappear, it just shuts it up for a little while & it ends up exploding later on.