WWYD - standing up for a colleague

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 12:08 pm

If a manager (who is generally unkind to anyone he/she thinks is beneath them) criticizes a colleague for asking for clarification on a task, would you stand up for your colleague?

This happened today, a (micro)manager (who has no idea how to do any of our jobs but is friends with the boss and has protektzia) was nasty to my colleague for asking a question about something the manager was demanding.

I was taken aback at how nasty this person was, unprovoked. After the manager left I told my colleague that it’s not her, she didn’t do anything wrong, her question was reasonable, the manager was unnecessarily aggressive.

WWYHD?

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 1:11 pm

Its hard to say. I was recently fired from a job, because my direct manager felt I was incompetent. My colleagues disagreed with her, and were very happy with my performance, but no one was would speak up in my defence. They didn't want to be tainted.

Would it have made a difference if they had? It's hard to say, but probably not. But it did hurt that no one was willing to publicly say anything.

Molly Weasley

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 1:18 pm

I would probably say something, but I have that type of personality. I don't know if you're ethically/halachically expected to fall on your sword for a colleague.

If its a bigger company with HR etc, I would write some kind of memo to HR delineating the situation.

If it's a mom-and-pop smaller company, I would speak to her superiors somehow, directly.

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 1:25 pm

I don’t know the specific situation of your office, but there have been times that I stood up for a coworker to the manager and immediately went to our boss to discuss it
But I’m assuming my job is very very different…

sara_s

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 2:00 pm

I try to stand up for colleagues, diplomatically, when I can do it without feeling I'm putting my job on the line. I feel ethics is the most important thing in a job. Especially since I work in a secular environment I'm always conscious of trying to create a kiddush hashem vs a chill hashem

amother

Rose

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 2:16 pm

I used to work in a group with a manager that yelled at people. I didn't say anything back then because I was new but now that I'm more experienced, I think I would say something.

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 3:30 pm

I don’t work so I can’t say for sure but I kind of have a big mouth and I don’t know why I love standing up for people so I probably would’ve said something
If I was scared I would lose my job I probably would say something nicer like what’s wrong with what she asked I am confused as well. I feel like if you say it innocently their ego isn’t hurt and they’ll hopefully respond nicely. If you said hey that’s not cool you should apologize that will be taken a lot worse and not necessarily is everyone willing to do that

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 4:54 pm

Thanks ladies. I sometimes wish we had an actual HR dept (heimish company) but even if we did HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. Which is a shame.

Any tips for dealing with a micromanager with a short fuse who (purposely? they only do this to staff they feel is “beneath them”) misinterprets any question/clarification as “insubordination” and “disrespectful”?

hkwl2

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 5:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow. That is such a rough breed to work with, I’m really sorry. I have weathered such people before and the best thing to do is find coworkers who can support you, explain things to you when you don’t feel like being told that you’re dumb, and try to find ways to have minimal contact with that person. If your job is relatively secure, meaning you won’t get fired just for asking a lot of questions, I would be annoying and keep asking them until you get it. If they tell you you’re being disrespectful, you can say “I’m so sorry, I just thought you’d be a lot more upset if this task was done imperfectly”. Good luck to you and your comrades!

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 5:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I worked under such a manager for several years "what do you do all day? im paying you x per hour so show me your work" ugh ugh ugh
then I left and I dont look back, just yuck.....
I always stuck up for myself for sure and in some instances, for others. or guided others how to stick up for themselves.

Cheiny

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 6:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s nice that you feel sorry for her and you can certainly show her empathy but in no way is it appropriate for you to get involved. She’s not your child and you’re not supposed to go take up her case with the boss. It’s really not your place or your business. She’s going to have to navigate her work situations on her own like every adult would.